Re: 3 big deals I'm feeling fed up about, advice please
Three beers a night is at least $100/mo coming out of the family budget. That is not insignificant for most families. In this case, it is more significant since it is something he is doing on his own--it is not a family, or even a spousal activity.
Three beers a night is a lot of empty calories, especially for someone who does so as part of a sedentary routine. Many men can get away with this in their youth, but it will catch up to them.
Three beers a night is more than enough to give bad breath. When the consumption exceeds that, it is enough to negatively affect behavior.
Three beers may be manageable by some, but that is very few, especially over the long term as it will become a crutch.
As to the porn, heavy use is often a direct tie to the ED you're experiencing. Porn can be desensitizing. Many a man has developed a porn dependency in getting aroused and ends up having trouble getting it up for a real woman. There is no work involved in watching porn, but there is real work involved in properly making love to a real human being. So porn becomes a crutch; and easy way to self-satisfaction, while destroying the ability to function in real life.
Combine a little porn with a little alcohol (also a depressant which can desensitize), the ED is almost a certainty.
Each of those two issues alone could be problematic, the two together even more likely so.
Dude needs to turn it around, and pronto. But he might could use a little help. 3 young children? OP could have been so wrapped up with child rearing for long enough now that hubby gets left out. This may drive the solitary behavior, drinking, and porn use. Somehow, the two need to come back together.
At a very minimum, this couple needs a very honest, direct, unflinching sit-down, face-to-face, heart-to-heart, with no distractions (get the kids out of the house for a few hours). OP will have to initiate and be very forthright. Hubby must be willing to listen, accept constructive criticism, own his part in the distancing of the relationship, and be willing to work together to help bridge the gap. OP will also need to be willing to listen, understand what, if any, part she has played in fostering this distance, and also be willing to make necessary changes. That is, of course, assuming she can get hubby to open up.
This may or may not work, depending on hubby's willingness to fully engage, and how far downstream the distance has grown. But sooner is better. Early engagement is always more likely to yield fruit than letting things slide.