Husband drink while watching kids - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 12 (permalink) Old 01-23-2012, 12:34 PM Thread Starter
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Husband drink while watching kids

I returned home from a grocery shopping trip yesterday to find my husband had been drinking excessively while looking after our 2 boys aged 6 and 3. He was so drunk that he was struggling to put clothes on our 3 year old son. He denied he had been drinking. We had plans to go and visit my parents for dinner and he insisted on driving. Luckily I was able to leave the house with the boys and drive to my parents house leaving my husband at home. I am so angry and do not know what to do. This is not the first time I have caught him drinking. He always denies it until I find any proof. It doesn't happen very often (that I know of) but I don't know how to ensure that it never happens again and I don't think I can trust him anymore. We've been married for 10 years and he's a great husband. Today he blamed a stressful week at work for his actions but I just can't believe how stupid and irresponsible he has been and can't forgive him at the moment.
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post #2 of 12 (permalink) Old 01-23-2012, 12:49 PM
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Re: Husband drink while watching kids

You cannot prevent him from drinking, if that is what he wants to do. If you cannot tolerate that behavior and he unwilling to quit, you will have to put a plan in place for you and your boys and separate if he refuses to get help. Has he had a drinking problem for the duration of your marriage? I guess I don't have to point out the dangers of a drunk person caring for children that age, or any age for that matter, but the 3 year old is still very dependent on an adult for their basic needs, especially.
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post #3 of 12 (permalink) Old 01-23-2012, 01:12 PM
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Re: Husband drink while watching kids

Would he have driven with your kids had you not been there? That's a scary thought.

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post #4 of 12 (permalink) Old 01-23-2012, 01:16 PM
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Re: Husband drink while watching kids

If he is hiding alcohol, it's a sign of being an alcoholic. Although, having a beer in moderation is okay. He is legal of age. I personally do not drink, but my husband will have a beer or two 1-2 nights a week. Very rarely he will have 3. I'm completely fine with this even though I choose not to drink.

Getting hammered while watching children is wrong! Drinking and driving is wrong. It does sound like your hubby may have a drinking problem by his actions.
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post #5 of 12 (permalink) Old 01-23-2012, 02:27 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Husband drink while watching kids

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Would he have driven with your kids had you not been there? That's a scary thought.
That is a scary thought. He's always had periods of binge drinking, if there is alcohol in the house (esp spirits) it tends not to last. But the problem has become more serious since the kids came along. Until yesterday we hadn't had a serious incident for over a year and I thought I could trust him again.
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post #6 of 12 (permalink) Old 01-23-2012, 05:33 PM
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Re: Husband drink while watching kids

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I returned home from a grocery shopping trip yesterday to find my husband had been drinking excessively while looking after our 2 boys aged 6 and 3. He was so drunk that he was struggling to put clothes on our 3 year old son. He denied he had been drinking. We had plans to go and visit my parents for dinner and he insisted on driving. Luckily I was able to leave the house with the boys and drive to my parents house leaving my husband at home. I am so angry and do not know what to do. This is not the first time I have caught him drinking. He always denies it until I find any proof. It doesn't happen very often (that I know of) but I don't know how to ensure that it never happens again and I don't think I can trust him anymore. We've been married for 10 years and he's a great husband. Today he blamed a stressful week at work for his actions but I just can't believe how stupid and irresponsible he has been and can't forgive him at the moment.
My sister's husband was guilty of this - to the point where my sister would come home from work and the kids would be playing in the street while he was in the basement drinking and playing cards or even drove home from a work event two days in a row piss drunk while my sister was at work. There's more drama in there that added to their separation, but they did eventually separate - luckily for them he did go to AA and clean himself up, and is now sober.
My point being that my sister took dramatic actions to ensure the safety of her young children (similar ages to yours) and if your husband is being a lousy father then you have to be a superstar mother and look out for your kids.
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post #7 of 12 (permalink) Old 01-24-2012, 10:39 PM
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Re: Husband drink while watching kids

Your children's lives are at risk, and he's proven it by insisting on driving while drunk, even though you outsmarted him this time.

Do you really want a "next time?"

I honestly think that you need to separate and give him time to clean up his act--a year of complete sobriety, at the minimum. I personally would not trust my kids with a recovering alcoholic until the kids were old enough to refuse to get in a car with him if they suspected he'd been drinking. Which means, I'd probably just get a divorce and say "We can try again if you are sober for the next 12 years." Or just get the divorce.

You have to put your kids first, and someone who binge drinks and hides alcohol use is clearly an alcoholic. Alcoholics don't have to get drunk every day--they are people who will not stop once started, and so every time they drink, they drink to excess--as in, more than what is defined as "moderate" drinking (1-2 drinks for most average size men, per day). This is only one step away from heavy drinking, mind you (look up "moderate use of alcohol). It has its own health risks.

I think you are right not to trust him; he is not trustworthy. Please, for your kids' sakes, don't give him another chance--there is too much at stake. It will probably be awful and hurt like hell to leave, but the cost of being wrong in trusting him one more time is just too high. I feel for all of you--him too; it's a terrible disease--but the safety of your kids must be your only concern right now. You are the only one who can protect them.
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post #8 of 12 (permalink) Old 01-25-2012, 08:16 AM
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Re: Husband drink while watching kids

My H was a beer drinker. Still kinda is. He admitted to me that he doesn't really have to have it, he WANTS to have it. Likes the taste of it. And then, getting buzzed is just a plus. Well, it became a big problem over the years - especially when our 3 yr old would ask why daddy doesn't have a beer. So, I left when he wouldn't change (I didn't ask him to quit cold turkey, just slow it down). I've been gone for about 8+ months. About 2 weeks ago, he decided to tell me that he isn't going to drink so much, he doesn't want to. We'll see how it goes.
He won't change until he is ready for it. And sometimes it takes a major wake-up call for them to see it (if they even do). Good Luck!
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post #9 of 12 (permalink) Old 02-14-2012, 04:58 AM
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Angry Re: Husband drink while watching kids

That will lead to psychological issues to your children. Mind you that when at a young age a child sees his/her father drinking often, they might think that its OK and GOOD to drink and eventually they will be showing behaviors that will be related to what they have seen when they were younger like drinking. If its smoking they have seen being done by their parents then in the future there is a 50% tendency that they will also smoke too. If the parent will drink or smoke while watching the kids, they should be told on how to properly act in front of the kids.
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post #10 of 12 (permalink) Old 01-15-2016, 09:27 PM
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Re: Husband drink while watching kids

Where did you find info that it's harmful to watch adults drink regularly when in contact with them please ? I'm self representing in court against alcohol abuser who's drunk not driven my child. I need Ard evidence and statistics, laws, sections of children's act/rights
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post #11 of 12 (permalink) Old 01-15-2016, 09:38 PM
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Re: Husband drink while watching kids

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Your children's lives are at risk, and he's proven it by insisting on driving while drunk, even though you outsmarted him this time.

Do you really want a "next time?"

I honestly think that you need to separate and give him time to clean up his act--a year of complete sobriety, at the minimum. I personally would not trust my kids with a recovering alcoholic until the kids were old enough to refuse to get in a car with him if they suspected he'd been drinking. Which means, I'd probably just get a divorce and say "We can try again if you are sober for the next 12 years." Or just get the divorce.

You have to put your kids first, and someone who binge drinks and hides alcohol use is clearly an alcoholic. Alcoholics don't have to get drunk every day--they are people who will not stop once started, and so every time they drink, they drink to excess--as in, more than what is defined as "moderate" drinking (1-2 drinks for most average size men, per day). This is only one step away from heavy drinking, mind you (look up "moderate use of alcohol). It has its own health risks.

I think you are right not to trust him; he is not trustworthy. Please, for your kids' sakes, don't give him another chance--there is too much at stake. It will probably be awful and hurt like hell to leave, but the cost of being wrong in trusting him one more time is just too high. I feel for all of you--him too; it's a terrible disease--but the safety of your kids must be your only concern right now. You are the only one who can protect them.
Is there research online to prove this or a children's act please ? My child's dad told soctal he's currently having around 16 units a week. When he told me him and gf hardly drink. The most I have a week is 0-3 units. Same for lot of mums. Whilst in care of child
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post #12 of 12 (permalink) Old 01-15-2016, 09:44 PM
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Re: Husband drink while watching kids

Got court hearing to prove to family court that my suspictons are true and dad is breaching court Undertaking not to, as well as drink driving our child.
Police not caught him. Social won't get him to have liver test.
His last hair strand test had no figures on it to explain results saying he's most likely not chronic abuser. Previous test said he was double the cut off point of average intake
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