Relationships and AddictionWhether it's drugs, alcohol, gambling, sex, pornography, or anything else, addictions can be detrimental to the health of a relationship.
Sorry...I couldn't continue my posting, my computer was dying.
MT i am not disgusted with his sexuality, in fact now that our children are older and in college we have more time for us, this is the time when we could reconnect, but the fact that he looks at our daughter's with man like eyes, I don't like. If you have any daughters you would understand what i mean.
He said the reason he doesn't feel so close is not because of the sex addiction but more because we argue about this things, that to him are all nonesense.
The porn was all my fault because I didn't pay any attention to him, and... he denies checking out women when we go out as well as looking at our daughters that way. He says I am to possesive and jealous, and that all man look at women.
Well, it is natural to glance when you see someone attractive but to sit there and do googoo eyes at women it is disrespectful, specially in front of your wife. I don't care how attractive you are it will start to hurt your confidence.
My husband's solution to this problem is ignore those problems and don't talk about them and they will go away, in other words if you act as if everything is dandy, everything will eventually will be. Besides he says I make all thes things up to make our life interesting, and that he has never touched our daughters and he just want a normal relationship with them.
My husband was more like the party kind of guy when I met him, and I took him out of his pond sort of speak, I tried to take him to church and make him more of a family kind of guy. Him and his brother were both definetely party guys, played tennis, and had lots friend girls.
He complains that I have tried to change him to much and that is why we have issues. He says you have to accept people as they are and not try to change them.
GAsoccerman I guess is ok. to type those words, I didn't want to offend anyone.
I have a question. When a men masturbates does he have no desire to be intimate with his wife...?
You GA2009, I agree with your husband...you seem VERY Jealous and Very Possesive, you have your mind Wrapped around these thoughts.
Did you have simialar issues with your father or uncles or a an adult family member when you were a child?
He is right, you can not change him, sounds like you have the saviour complex, where you tried to "rescue him" and make him go the way of your church.....not going to happen.
My wife grew up going to catholic school all her life, including College, I am not religious person, But I never asked her to stop going and she is raising our children catholic, I even take them to their faith formation classes, I have no problem with my children learning their religion or my wife practicing it. But it's just not for me.
I am glad my wife is not a jealous woman or posseive, becuase I would surely get upset and push her away mentally. But we ahve a very healthy relationship. We watched the Oscars tonight, she Drools over Hughe Jackman (sp?) She also commented on Brad Pitt and a few other males at the show. I enjoyed Boyonce and Sara Jessica parkers dresses as well as the nice low cut of Angelina Jolie, and Jennifer anniston.
Life is to short to be jealous and possesive, I think you have some real deep hard core issuses here and I am actually surprised your hubby has stuck around this long.
I really think you need some serious counseling, becuase you constantly seem to say your hubby is a pervert and "wants" your daughters....Yet you don't want to ask them, or remove them, or arrest him....Sounds like it is all in your mind.
You pushed him away and would not allow him to have sex with you, you sleep with your children and not him. So he turns to porn and you think he is a pervert.....crazy....
As for your masturbation question...when I do it, it's usually about my wife. Normally it's when I can't have sex with har, she is sleeping, at work, etc. I usually think of her in situations she would never do in real life, like a threesome with me and a male friend, or her being naughty in some other fashion, something that she could never do in real life.....Have I thought about other women? In the past I have, pre-wife and pre marriage...90% about women I know....now for about the last 15 years it's always been my wife.....Becuase she is smoking hot.
Your husband sounds like pornography has twisted his mind, and that he can't stop lusting after and objectifying women, even his daughters.
In the past I have looked at porn when I was sexually frustrated. It made it worse. It became difficult to interact with women (even a cashier) without imagining them engaged in a sex act. Lust can completely take over your mind and leave you in a complete fog.
If you are in that frame of mind, it can be difficult to function in a normal way without leering. The good news is that once you stop, the leering fog completely wears off.
It is very disturbing that your husband is trying to grope your daughters or touch them at night. I would think that would be impossible for any but the most hardened sociopaths. I would install a hidden camera with night vision and let your daughter sleep alone to see if he goes in there. This is a big deal, and if he wants to molest his daughter while she sleeps you will need evidence to get custody. He may have even convinced himself that he is not hurting her if she is asleep, or if there is no sex act. It is legal and admissable in court to film security video in your own house. If he tries anything, you can call the police and have him in jail, and not worry about custody.
Otherwise if you leave him, you will possibly be sending your daughter unprotected into the lion's den. If his compulsion is to molest her without her knowledge, then it is very possible he may drug her or do other things so that she will never know. It is also possible that he may drug you while you are still in the house. Get a camera. It may even put your mind at ease, if you find he's not trying anything.
As far as night time erections go, all men have them every night. When they do medical exams for erectile dysfunction, it involves a sleep test, because all men get full erections during sleep, unless there is a medical problem. So I would immediately discount that.
If you can get him to wake up out of his stupor that is the best. He may be incapable of enjoying normal sex at this point if he has been heavy into porn this long.
If you can verify that he isn't going to try anything with your daughter, separate from him. That may be the rock bottom he needs to get help. Otherwise, get proof of it, and protect your daughter by putting him behind bars and getting a restraining order so that he can't come near your daughter ever again.
The pornography has twisted his mind. My husband is not the same person anymore, he doesn't make sense anymore in anything he says. His behavior towards our daughters is wrong and he knows it, and that is why when i tell him what he is doing is wrong he gets so mad. He gets angry and denies it and tells me that he knows his limitations and he is not going to hurt our daughters.
I really don't know how far he has gone with our younger daughter but I know that he has no control on this addiction of his, and that if he doesn't get it treated he is going to hurt our 11 y.o daughter one day. This is a scary thought, and the reason I have stayed is because I know I married a good man w/out all these weird personality trades. The porn turn him into this. He objectifies evey woman he sees.
Something that you said about how you were fantasizing even with the cashiers at the store. Well... that really got to me, because my husband looks at the casheirs at the store that way... and he does strange things like for example he tries to pretend to bump into women when we are at the store, so that he can touch them, it is really wierd he nerver used to do that, and his expression tells me he gets a thrill out of that. It is kind of creepy! Because I have heard about creeps that do that with women.
He also loves to get attention from women, when we go out in public. He goes out if his way to get attention and be noticed by any women. He used to be an attractive man when I first met him and he has gained alot of weight about 100 lbs, he says is because, he quit smoking. So lately things have gotten worse because he is constantly trying to get more attention from women, but he is not getting it, and it bothers him. But...doesn't he understand that doing that hurts my feelings and our relationship as well?
I have read everywhere that after you stop the porn you still need help and I have told my husband that, and he says he doesn't need help, and he can do it on his own. I think not! especially because I know he has done it through our entire marriage. He even admited it today, that he has been lusting and leering since before we got married and looked at porn as well. Yet he doesn't want help?
When he goes to the counselor he doesn't go to talk about his issues, becasue the man is a Pshychotherapist with specialty in issues of men such as porn addiction and masturbation etc. he could help him alot, but when he goes over there all he does is to deny deny and deny that he has any problems, instead he talks about me and how I put filters on his computer and don't alow him to be alone with our daughter and complains, complains...the counselor told him last time, you complain alot so if you are that unhappy why are you still here?
He didn't tell me what he answered him. Instead he told me today, he is really not liking this counselor that much any more because he asked him that and also because he told him to seach for God and look outside himself.
I thought that was good, but my hysband didn't like it one bit.
I have a question for anyone dealing with porn addiction, do people need help after they quit looking, in trying to get back to having a normal relationship with family or people outside the family? and...also, can a person go back to being normal again? Will my husband ever treat our daughters normal again? or will I have to continue watching him around our daughters??
GAsoccerman, I am glad that your wife is opened minded, I read your other posts and it sounds as if you have a very opened realtionship with her and she doesn't mind you flirting with other women. Hey, if she is okay with it, then good for you. Still you are very quick to judge me, yet you have no idea the kind of man my husband has become due to the porn addiction.
BTW... I don't mind if my husband watches the academy awards, he finds the celebrities really shallow at least that is what he says. He would rather watch the sci-fi channel, there is alot of hot women there...
are these his step daughters, or biological? I know , it doesn't matter if he's molesting a child, he is, and it's wrong either way. But I was just curious, as to whether or not these are his blood children, thinking that maybe it is even More likely that he's doing something inappropriate if they are step children. this is all too common, and I have to say, if you truly think something untoward , or sick is going on, and your girls are being touched inappropriately, or molested.... then you need to get out, Now...
Also, I have an 11 year old daughter, and although that is young, they are not totally clueless, they have enough sense to know if someone is touching them or not. Ask your daughter, you owe it to her, it's not about you being embarrassed, or not wanting to stir up trouble, but if this is going on, you Must ask her.
You must tell her she can confide in you, and tell you Anything... and that it is absolutely Not her fault. I have heard that what molesters do, is convince the child that if they tell, something bad will happen to either themselves, or their family....
You have said you're pretty sure he's having inappropriate feelings, sexual desires and singling out your girls, so why are you still there?
You have to confirm that this is truly going on, by talking to the girls, and then eventually him...
Even taking your daughter to the doctor, to make sure she's not been compromised, and is okay, might be an option. But certainly you'd want to ask her about this, and him , first.
As a mom, even I have told my daughter, when she spends the night at a friends house, and inevitably there is the Father of the friend, and sometimes brothers of the friend... I have told her, that if anyone ever did anything that made her feel uncomfortable, or ever touched her in a place, or way that was inappropriate, or made her feel like something bad was going on, that she should call me, and I'd come get her, and that it would be something that she could always tell me..... Mind you, not planting ideas inher head,,, rather,just letting her know, that her Dad and I arehere for her, if she should ever be in a situation that makes her feel uncomfortable. She knows what appropriate, and inappropriate touching is. I think this is such a common issue these days, goes on more than people know, that you cannot afford not to talk about it with your kids, if you are going to let them alone with a step-parent, or at a friends house, or even with biological parents.... people do sick things.....
You must get her help if this is happening to her. there is no staying in a marriage where one parent is molesting the children....
I think my husband is confused because, I would have never thought of him doing anything like this. However, I have heard of brothers and uncles molesting their sibling and nieces bu, I don't know how common it is.
I have tried to talk to my daughter about sex and everything related to that, but she doesn't like to talk about it.
My other daughter is 21 now and is in college does not live with us. She says she never remembers him doing anything to her but she says, she doesn't like to be alone with him, she doesn't feel comfortable.
My daughters are both beatiful girls but it is not a excuse for a father to go after their daughters. I haven't taken my daughter to get her checked with GYN, I could do that.
The reason I don't leave is because my husband says that he is not a bad man and he would never hurt his children and that I have to understand that. Which off course makes me question myself.
I feel so badly for you. You sound like you are so confused, I would be too. But, if you say , as you have in your posts, that you are fairly sure your husband is behaving inappropriately toward your younger daugther, then you really can't stay in a situation like that.
As for your husband telling you he'd never do that, that's not a huge surprise, no man would admit to that, not to his wife, or anyone else, people that molest, never openly admit it to people that they are close to. Why would he? He will continue to lie about it, and if you really feel it's going on, then you've got to do something about it.
If you feel you might be mistaken, and are reading into something into it that isn't there, then keep a close watch and see what happens....although I have to say, I don't know how you can read anything other than pure sickness into something like a father rubbing his groin up against his own daughter,
If he truly has done that, and you've Seen him touching, or rubbing on your 11 year old daughter, then that's molestation... pure and simple. It's not normal, it is not right, and it's also illegal.
He knows that if he's caught he could get in a lot of trouble, so of course he's going to tell you that he'd never do something like that.
Look, I am not there , and I don't know if he's truly doing that or not, but you have expressed many many concerns on this forum, that he might be molesting your child... IF he is, then she will suffer life long damage... and you Have to get her out of there... so either way, you must find out for sure, if he's doing this.
Plus, you've said anyway, that his sex addiction is ruining your marriage. So, having said all that. It's time for some serious counseling for this guy, and both of you as a couple, and also you need to take your daughter to a professional therapist, to see if they can assertain as to whether or not his relationship with her, is appropriate. But to tell you the truth, if this was me,,, and I saw my husband touching, rubbing, or looking at my 11 year old daughter, like she's a sexual object..... I wouldn't even have to ask him , and I wouldn't have to hear it from my child's lips. If you've seen it happen, then , assume it's happening. This is my best advice, I hope you can figure out what to do. But don't let an innocent child get lost in this. Your daughter's health and sanity is ultimately more important, than staying with a sex addict.
After reading all three pages here TWICE, I truly think that your addiction to reading up on what you believe is your husbands sexual addiction has given you reasons to look for things that dont exsist or justify what comes off as extreme insecurities. You cant seem to even breathe without "seeing" him lusting or objectifying every woman that comes into his line of sight...EVERY WOMAN. This really does sound like paranoia on your part. Paranoia is a thought process characterized by excessive anxiety or fear, often to the point of irrationality and delusion
You say you have seen your husband rub himself up against your eleven year old daughter. Did you really? Or are you "watching" your husband so closey because of your addicition to reading up on sexual addiction that you are scrutinizing every little thing he does and says?
You say you have had these feelings that his relationship with your eleven year old daughter has been inappropiate since she was six. If this has been going on for FIVE YEARS why havent you taken you daughter to be examined, or talk to? Why are you still trying to maintain a relationship with a man you believe is a child predator/molestor? This makes zero sense.
As a survivor of seven years of child molestation until the age of ten its disheartning that you feel strong enough to make these allegations against your husband via the internet but not strong enough about them to go to the police or have a rape kit done on your daughter.
As far porn additiction goes am I the only person who just happens to notice the correlation between the porn addiction and a lack of sex or rejection from the partner? Its almost like Im not going to do it with you and I dare you to do it without me. Why is the only option for a man is no option?
Frankly, I think you are still very angry, hurt, betrayed, and obessive about your husband sexual addiction that you are causing yourself to be insecure, irrational, and that you are intentionally sabatoging your husbands relationship with your children. However, I think its more about the fact you felt that you raised your children solo while he was pleasuring himself, than the porn addiction alone.
According to several sex addicts sites, I am a sex addict because I answered yes to more than one question. Also many of these sites go on to say how looking at porn can turn you into a rapist and/or a serial killer.
I am not making light of this, I am just trying to get others to see how easily it is for anyone to be labeled in this manner with the yes or no format being so black and white.
Were you sexually abused as a child or adolescent?
Did your parents have trouble with sexual behavior?
Do you often find yourself preoccupied with sexual thought
Has your sexual behavior ever created problems for you and your family?
Has anyone been hurt emotionally because of your sexual behavior?
Are any of your sexual activities against the law?
Is sex almost all you think about?
Has sex (or romantic fantasies) been a way for you to escape your problems?
Have you purchased services online for erotic purposes (sites for dating, pornography, fantasy and friend finder)?
Have you subscribed to or regularly purchased or rented sexually explicit materials (magazines, videos, books or online pornography)?
Have you spent considerable time and money on strip clubs, adult bookstores and movie houses?
Have you regularly purchased romantic novels or sexually explicit magazines?
Have stayed in romantic relationships after they became emotionally or physically abusive?
After sexually acting out, do you sometimes refrain from all sex for a significant period?
It took me a long time to confront my husband about the feelings I had of him coming in the room at night when I was sleeping with our daughter, because he always found an excuse for being there. Plus this is a very serious accusation.
Also, how can you know what a man with a sex addiction thinks like, according to you anybody can be labeled as a sex addict, so you wouldn't know what the thought process of a sex addicted person is like.
The reason I have stayed is because I didn't marry that type of person, I married a normal man, that is now very confused by his addiction to porn and lust etc. He continuall promise me that he is getting better and that he has hopes that we will get back to normal but that I have to trust him. I am sorry trust is something you gain back through actions you don't just demand it.
He looks at our daughters that way because as the Psychotherapist said. A sex addiction is an addiction like any other addiction and he has no control over it and the partner has no control over it. So he does it as something he has always done and he doesn't even notice doing it anymore, after all he looks at all women that way as well. The only thing that I can do is get him to accept help and that is what I have been trying to get him to do, mainly because I know that deep inside he is a good man with an addiction.
I think he is in denial, but I have hope that he will accept some help soon.
In the meantime I sleep with my daughter to protect her.
"He looks at our daughters that way because as the Psychotherapist said. A sex addiction is an addiction like any other addiction and he has no control over it and the partner has no control over it. "
"In the meantime I sleep with my daughter to protect her"
I am only trying to help you, so please take what I say as it is meant, as help and advice only.
If you read your words above , in quotes. You have pretty much said, that this is going on. You have said that he is a sex addict and that he is singling out your child, his own daughter. Now, since you admit addicts, and the therapist says, that addicts cannot control themselves, and you say you are sleeping with your daughter to "protect" her.... and that youv'e seen your husband doing very inappropriate things to her.
Why are you still there? I can't understand this. It's not like you have said that he's not an addict, and that you are not sure he's after your daughter. It sounds from your posts,that you are fairly sure that he's making inappropriate gestures and perhaps even touching your child. This is molestation GA2009. It's not you reading in, it is not you overreacting.... if you have seen him do these things, and you have hard enough suspsiciions. And you've been told by his therapist that this is not unusual for a sex addict like him to do.... and you're scared enough to make your daughter sleep with you. this is not just a small marital problem , or an issue that can be resolved with a little hard work.
If what you are saying is true, then he's a very sick man. And yes, maybe it's not his fault and maybe it is not something that he can control, but that does not change the fact, that you should be taking your child, and getting out fast , if this stuff is going on.
I am not inferring, or implying, or assuming... I am going based off what You have said. So, if what you are posting, is true, and I've read all your posts,,,, then, why in God's name are you still there? I don't understand it.
As for your daughter telling you nothing has happened to her, this is Classic , textbook,,,, it's so common for kids that are molested to not admit what is going on. They feel shame, guilt, like maybe they did something to cause it, they feel fear, that they will tear apart a family if they tell, or that they'll get their molester in trouble..... Your own 21 daughter said " she does not feel comfortable being alone with him"
This is not normal. No girl would say that about her own Father, unless something untoward had happened, or was happening. She might very well be minimizing,because she does not want to admit, anything that might shame her. There is no way to know, if she won't admit it, then she wont'...
But since all these really apparant signs, and symptoms of sexual abuse are there, and he's a sex addict, and is visually making inappropriate gestures and obsessing over your daughter.... I can't believe you're still there.
I understand you say you married a normal man, and I can't speak as to whether he's always been that way, or something triggered it. It has been my understanding that people who molest children are just that, molesters, and that no amount of porn , could make a man want to have sexual relations with his child. But, I suppose porn could very well aggravate someone who is already predisposed to be a sex addict.
I understand you don't want to lose your marriage, but really, what kind of marriage is it? You are living with a sex addict, by your own admission, and physically having to guard your daugher every night, perhaps you need to leave, and maybe resume your marriage if he ever gets help and stops targeting your children?
If would be my inclination to not ever keep my child in a situation like that. I am only telling you what I would do. If my husband began acting like this, I'd take my kids and leave, without so much as a second thought..... this is not an extramarital affair, or arguing about finances, or not giving each other enough attention, or nagging... things that married people can work through. this is a possible , and according to you, Likely case of child molestation, and at the very least, a severe sex addict for a spouse.
It's your responsibility to leave, that is my take on it. I'm not suggesting you abandon your husband, if he needs help, then he does.... but he must get that help, without being around your children....
It took me a long time to confront my husband about the feelings I had of him coming in the room at night when I was sleeping with our daughter, because he always found an excuse for being there. Plus this is a very serious accusation.
Also, how can you know what a man with a sex addiction thinks like, according to you anybody can be labeled as a sex addict, so you wouldn't know what the thought process of a sex addicted person is like.
The reason I have stayed is because I didn't marry that type of person, I married a normal man, that is now very confused by his addiction to porn and lust etc. He continuall promise me that he is getting better and that he has hopes that we will get back to normal but that I have to trust him. I am sorry trust is something you gain back through actions you don't just demand it.
He looks at our daughters that way because as the Psychotherapist said. A sex addiction is an addiction like any other addiction and he has no control over it and the partner has no control over it. So he does it as something he has always done and he doesn't even notice doing it anymore, after all he looks at all women that way as well. The only thing that I can do is get him to accept help and that is what I have been trying to get him to do, mainly because I know that deep inside he is a good man with an addiction.
I think he is in denial, but I have hope that he will accept some help soon.
In the meantime I sleep with my daughter to protect her.
One, I of all people understand how serious the accusation can be and am all so well aware of the phycological affects of the reality of it down the road.
Two, I didnt crate a list of what I thought sex addicts thought like, that information came from several sex addicts websites and again my point was how easy it is to throw that label on anyone and began searching out evidence to prove it to be true.
So did you tell psychotherapist that you believed you seen your husband rub himself against his daughter or did you only mention that you think he is looking at them in a manner which you believe is in appropiate? Im trying to figure out how a physotherapist can overlook or justify sexual abuse. Im more concerned as to how you can overlook and justify it, when you believe thats what you saw. It seems you are much more concerned about saving your marriage than your daughter that you believe is in danger.
Im going to go against the grain and say that your husband is/has not molesting/ed your daughters.
I think the moment the words sex addiction came out, the anger, hurt, betrayal, and disappointment may have resurfaced for several of the women who responded to this thread. I understand that and I respect it. However it seems that what was overlooked was how GA2009 is spending so much time "catching" her husband lusting after EVERY woman he comes in to contact to.
GA2009, you mentioned how your husband is missing out out he word at church because he is objectifying every woman in the room. How is it possible that you are hearing any of the scripture yourself if your so busy keeping track of everything in his line of vision.
So he is objectifying women at church, in public, at home every woman that enters his line of eyesight...every woman but you?
"A sex addiction is an addiction like any other addiction and he has no control over it and the partner has no control over it. So he does it as something he has always done and he doesn't even notice doing it anymore, after all he looks at all women that way as well." He has no control of it until it pertains to you...
You just wrote that trust is not something you demand but earn, yet on your first page you mentioned how you demanded that your husband quit his job because you thought he was flirting with his boss. You have placed parental locks on the television in your home and you are throwing out material that you think will trigger his desires. All of this sounds like demanded trust and insecurity.
You seem to have become addicted to placing your husband under constant survelliance and scrutiny. How is this any different then his addiction?
Its amazing that four posts into this thread, this man has been labeled as a sex addict, and then a child molestor. There are two people in this marriage yet it has been overall determined that it must be him. So far only the men and myself have even possibly entertained the notion that there is more than what meets the eye here.
That is not really true, I am a woman, and I pointed out in one of my first posts, that if she is certain that this is going on, then there is not excuse for being there, but that if she is thinking she might be reading into things, that she should do further investigating. Really as posters, all we can do is read, and interpret. And when someone says that their husband is rubbing his crotch, or groin, on his own daughters.... that's fairly obvious. As for myself, I only pointed out that she seems to be worried that her daughter is being abused, so worried that she is sleeping in her room to protect her. Now, I spose there is a chance that she is making all this up, people do stuff like that, and since it's an anonymous type site, the only true way to know, would be for all of us to be there, like a fly on the wall. But, as for advice, I went based on the assumption that what she is typing and what I'm reading is accurate, and that she's being honest. And I say it's better to err on the side of an innocent child, than a man who is supposedly a sex addict.
I see your points though, and if she is imagining all of this, then she needs to not be making those types of accusations. but that is the very point, She Is making those accusations. And unless she's flat out lying.... this child, is in danger, and that's not a subject to take lightly. So , I just told her what I personally would do. I know you probly didn't mean it to sound bad, but I as a woman, and someone with common sense, take offense at the notion that I might only be saying what I am, because I am a woman. the whole post was not , a kid is being molested and it might be the mom or dad..... it is this woman who got on here, looking for help, and we were only trying our best to give her some advice, just as you and anyone else did.
I never accused anyone, I pointed out many many times, that she is the one saying these things, and that if they are true, then she should get out. It's not a blame game, it's common sense and protecting a child.
She goes back and forth, and the only thing one can accertain from reading is that something is not right with the husband nad his kids... so , I went based on that. No doubt, this is a sticky situation. It's a hard one to call, and undoubtedly, with a site like this, there is always a side of the story that is not told, and also always stuff people leave out... but that is true of every post on here I'd say.... whether it deals with infidelity, drugs, molestation, finances. We always only get one side of the story, since unequivocally only one of the spouses, is writing. This is a hard one indeed.
And I'm sorry if you felt that all the supposed women on this site, were gainging up on sex addicts or child molesters, or this man in general. that was definitely not my intention, but I can only speak for myself. You just seem very bitter and angry about it. I was only giving advice based on what I read, and it's nothing personal to anyone or anything. I only wanted to address you personally so you'd know I dont' hold anything persoanl against men, or this guy that she's talking about, I really am simply only trying to help her. And I can't base my advice on anything except what she says, and she said some pretty disturbing things, that she's witnessed her husband do to her child.... so , I took that at face value.
Really as posters, all we can do is read, and interpret. And when someone says that their husband is rubbing his crotch, or groin, on his own daughters.... that's fairly obvious I understand what you are saying. I just feared that many people were not reading past that point, her reactions to his alleged actions dont really say "protecting".
I see your points though, and if she is imagining all of this, then she needs to not be making those types of accusations. but that is the very point, She Is making those accusations. And unless she's flat out lying.... this child, is in danger, and that's not a subject to take lightly. Im not accusing her of lying, I am just asking if she is sure that she seen the incidents take place and that she isnt scrutinizing what she saw because of what she has been reading up on about sex addicts. Also, if this is all irrational thoughts on her part, then her child is still in danger because she is emotional abusing her child and sabatoging her husbands relationship with his daughter (as he suggested.)
So , I just told her what I personally would do. I know you probly didn't mean it to sound bad, but I as a woman, and someone with common sense, take offense at the notion that I might only be saying what I am, because I am a woman. That was not what I wrote, I said:I think the moment the words sex addiction came out, the anger, hurt, betrayal, and disappointment may have resurfaced for several of the women who responded to this thread. Several is not inclusive in all, just more than one.
And I'm sorry if you felt that all the supposed women on this site, were gainging up on sex addicts or child molesters, or this man in general. Again, this was not what I said...Its amazing that four posts into this thread, this man has been labeled as a sex addict, and then a child molestor.
Bitter? Angry? No, not in the slightest. I just am astounded that very few have entertained the notion that she could very well be so addicted to the research of this sex addiction, that she may have become parinoid and irrational.
I have survived sexual abuse and I very much understand how serious this situation may be, trust me I do.
However, I cannot tell you how many countless group counseling sessions, all girls camps for victims, and talking to everyday women in general where many of the girls/women admitted that there was never any sexual abuse but their one of their parents had spent a significant amount of time trying to trigger false memories for various reasons. Some women do this when they have experienced sexual abuse themselves yet, never told anyone or when they did were ignored.
I also know a few male friends and a female friend who had all been falsely accused of sexual abuse, the damage that is done their and the time they have been isolated from their children is heartbreaking.
I have an eleven year old stepdaughter whom I love dearly. If I seen any of what had been described in the OP's posts, my concern would be for her well being above everything, not analyzing my boyfriends addiction.
GA2009 priorites seem to be more on fixing her marriage, not on the safety of the youngest daughter. Just perplexs me, thats all.
Re: Sex addiction
