Relationships and AddictionWhether it's drugs, alcohol, gambling, sex, pornography, or anything else, addictions can be detrimental to the health of a relationship.
I find him to be the most intuitive addictions specialist (psychiatrist) presently. He focuses on treating the preconditions for addiction which he finds to be exposure to trauma in youth and subjection to sexual and physical abuse. In USA/Canada presently we continue to victimize the addict with min. mandatory sentences, social/societal stigmas, etc although these indviduals use because of the abuse they've experienced. does it make sense to punish someone using because they're abused with more abuse? Our societies may claim that we rehabilitate addicts but we do not since we fail to provide methods by which the addict are able to heal. In effect, we abuse the addicts who are addicts because they were abused. I love Gabor Mate/harm reduction/human dignity.
You have to keep in mind that Dr. Mate is primarily dealing with hardcore street addicts. These people have lost everything in life -- family, employment, housing.
There's a delicate balance between supporting the person's dignity as a human being and allowing them to experience the negative consequences of their addiction. Protecting them from consequences usually only serves to perpetuate and enable the addiction -- and normally a fairly lengthy accumulation of negative events is necessary before an addict accepts that they need help or has the desire to quit.
He taught me GR 12 English in North Vancouver before he went into medicine. He was a hippie back in those days. Coolest teacher I have ever had by far. Only class I ever got an A in.
Just watched an hour long video on youtube. I have eebn hearing many of the same things from my therapist. I hope that I can go internally back to my childhood and heal some of those wounds to move forward without that baggage.
I'm all for searching for the cause---that drugs/alcohol are the symptoms, but take it from someone who sat in TONS of sessions with my husband (currently separated) to discover the root of his usage that sometimes addiction is just addiction--the very definition that it's something beyond anyone's control, including the addict.
I'm all for searching for the cause---that drugs/alcohol are the symptoms, but take it from someone who sat in TONS of sessions with my husband (currently separated) to discover the root of his usage that sometimes addiction is just addiction--the very definition that it's something beyond anyone's control, including the addict.
Really? My take on all addictions is that there was childhood exposure to traumatic events: sexual abuse, physical abuse, neglect, exposure to violence/abuse, etc. I don't mean to pry but did your exhusband experience/witness abuse as a child?
His father and mother divorced when he was little---there were minor episodes of exposure to sexuality when he was little but as far as he's concerned it's not the root of his addiction. On the other hand, I was the victim of physical, sexual abuse for major portions of my life and I was never addicted to any substances---I'm not implying that's what you're saying but I do think there is a part of addiction that is simply in some people and not others. I do not believe in slamming the addict, they slam themselves enough which is why most of them stay on the crazy train or get off at a sobriety station, either way the tracks are always in sight.
I was exposed to sex frequently from around age 4 so I know that had an affect on me. The things I did before I got married and during my marriage are clearly not something that in my right mind I would have done. I just want to heal these wounds so I can move forward as a healthy and, "normal" man.
Really? My take on all addictions is that there was childhood exposure to traumatic events: sexual abuse, physical abuse, neglect, exposure to violence/abuse, etc. I don't mean to pry but did your exhusband experience/witness abuse as a child?
Not all, not by a long shot.
My SO had a fairly charmed childhood, child prodigy and all that. A little bit of heavy-handed discipline from a priest when he was a (misbehaving) altar boy is as bad as it got for him.
In his case, genetic predisposition from his father is the root.
His father and mother divorced when he was little---there were minor episodes of exposure to sexuality when he was little but as far as he's concerned it's not the root of his addiction. On the other hand, I was the victim of physical, sexual abuse for major portions of my life and I was never addicted to any substances---I'm not implying that's what you're saying but I do think there is a part of addiction that is simply in some people and not others. I do not believe in slamming the addict, they slam themselves enough which is why most of them stay on the crazy train or get off at a sobriety station, either way the tracks are always in sight.
You are right, there always is a willpower issue, not only the abuse that one may or may have not gone through in childhood. And there is also the exposure, to substances. I understand, everything is available today, but there still should be some kind of a circle that one hangs out with which determines what is one getting addicted to. Can he actually help someone who is absolutely will-less? I doubt it.
Gabor Mate 
