My husband and I have had a very troubled marriage all along. We've been married 11 years. He has always complained that I am depressed, and that I'm not into sex very much. These things are true, because I have not been happy with him as my husband. He himself has always been depressed, and angry, and copes with many different addictions - alcohol, cigarettes, weed, video games, and porn, although he hasn't looked at porn in some time.
As anyone who has a spouse with addictions knows, the worst thing is all the lies and broken promises. I am almost done with him now. I can't take it any more. He was sick with the flu a few weeks ago and decided that he wanted to quit smoking for good, his lungs hurt so much. He told me this was IT, he had 6 more cigarettes that he was going to make stretch and then he PROMISED he would never smoke another one.
We have had SO MANY conversations over the years about broken promises - about how I can't trust him if he keeps breaking his word to me. So he told me this time, he wouldn't promise something now unless he meant it. He said I could trust him.
We've been fighting a lot lately, he even told me that he thinks our relationship is over. His main complaint is that I'm not enthusiastic enough about sex, although he went on to say that I don't deserve to be with a man who is angry all the time. He mentioned maybe separating. Then last night he suddenly wanted to make up and took me out to dinner. It was nice - until he told me he found a new pack of cigarettes in the car (unlikely) and it's great, he's only smoking one per day and THEN he will quit. I felt like he had slapped me in the face, not only because he had broken a promise AGAIN but because he seemed not even to notice.
Always, when he breaks a promise he thinks it's not a big deal because he has an excuse, right? He seems truly flabbergasted that I have a problem with it, if I call him on it.
My parents will be back in town tomorrow after their vacation, I am thinking of asking them if the kids and I can move in with them for a bit. But first I wanted to ask: Am I being unreasonable in counting a promise about quitting smoking to be a real promise? I mean, is quitting smoking so difficult that it might "make" him break his promise?
In my gut, I think he just doesn't respect me at all and doesn't give a crap how he makes me feel. Because why else would he act so casual about it every time he breaks his word? But since I might actually leave him over this, I thought it would be a good idea to get a few extra opinions. I myself have never quit smoking or been addicted to anything, really, so maybe I just don't get it.
By the way, he's lied to me hundreds of times over the years. Always it goes back to one of his addictions. He lies to hide them, or to hide how much he spends on them.
Like I said, we've had lots of problems. He has lots of baggage from a messed up childhood, and I feel for him. This one broken promise though, I feel is the last straw.
It is really really really hard. I have quit probably a dozen or more times and I always start up again. I hate it and if I could go back in time to when I took my first smoke at 13 I would go a slap myself upside the head.
It's very hard to quit. My husband never smoked a day in his life. I was a pack a day smoker for years.
I didn't want him knowing I smoked, so I quit. The first two weeks were the toughest. I replaced smoking with running. I kinda quit cold turkey. I remember sneaking one here and there, but it's been 13 years since I last smoked. I really enjoyed it too.
I later told my husband after we were married that I smoked. He had no clue. I guess love is blind at first.
It sounds as if you have many issues other then smoking. I only smoked cigarettes and nothing else. My ex h smoked pot, I was not okay with it.
My husband would not be okay with my smoking. I have no intentions of lighting up again.
It is hard to quit smoking. in fact lately, I've considered quitting, and I find myself suddenly hoarding cigarettes like no ones business. Within a day, I will find that I have 2-3 open packs of cigarettes. Like I am compulsively afraid of not having any.
That being said. Your real problem isn't the cigarette smoking, and I think you know that. It isn't that he said he'd quit and then didn't, otherwise your long ramble wouldn't have happened or been necessary.