Relationships and AddictionWhether it's drugs, alcohol, gambling, sex, pornography, or anything else, addictions can be detrimental to the health of a relationship.
Reading this thread, it make sense to me now why my husband is not happy just to make love to me. I have to pretend to be someone else in order for him to get excited. I guess that I have to pretend to be the women in all the porn that he looks at all the time.
I truly believe my husband is addicted to porn. He has spent hundreds and hundreds of dollars on it. It's been going on for about 1 year and half now. I don't know what to do about it anymore. It's ruining us financially, and seriously hurting how I feel about him. I feel like he's very selfish and he doesn't care what the porn does to our life at all. I don't have a problem with him looking at it as much as I have an issue with the amount of money he spends on it. Over $800.00 in one month.
The big thing is with his lack of caring about our life, it's hurting how I feel about him....and it's also hurting my sex drive. I don't want to make love to him because I feel like it's not me he's making love to anymore. Is that crazy??
I would be very interested in seeing how the same would be true for a woman.
i have only just come across this thread.
i wondered if you could help me. im 35 and im in love with sex, i physically feel that i need it to get through a day. i feel like i think about it 24/7.
i have headaches if i dont get it.
i get frustrated very easily also.
i actually concentrate more after i have had sex, before hand i lack concentration.
well this is a female point .
Nope. It's not crazy. When porn gets in between two people it really screws up the entire relationship, especially the sexual aspect. I no longer look my husband in the eyes nor do we kiss during sex. We used to have the most amazing passionate sex life, but because of his porn addiction it is no longer what it used to be. I can not be truly intimate with someone that has disrespected me on so many levels. I'm to the point where I don't care what he's thinking about while we have sex because it is just to get the job done now. It is just a necessity. It is no longer a bonding experience like it once was. That beautiful aspect of it is over for us now.
It sucks, but I'm getting used to things being like this and actually finding happiness in my life again. For months, I had been really depressed and not interested in sex at all because of the porn issue. I had to fake it for a while. At least, I'm finally getting some pleasure out of it again.
~sigh~
It is a long hard road for those of us who have porn addicted spouses. I hope that some males(or females) that read these posts will see themselves and stop this from happening to their relationship.
I can relate, my last relationship ended partially because of his addiction to porn. I felt undesirable to him because he seemed to prefer that over intimacy with me, so after 6 years (and then him cheating a few times, or more) I left. I am now with a man who has absolutely no desire for porn anymore... I never even mentioned it to him but he got rid of all his.... he said because all he wants now is me. And our sex life is absolutely amazing. About the eye contact thing though, sometimes we stare into each others eyes but it's not always.....
i physically feel that i need it to get through a day. i feel like i think about it 24/7.
i have headaches if i dont get it.
i get frustrated very easily also.
i actually concentrate more after i have had sex, before hand i lack concentration.
well this is a female point .
i actually researched 'sex addiction' because i have many the same symptoms.
Aside from any biological factors (hormones levels, seritonin levels, etc) that might be the culprit, as i have little interest in that aspect, i gleaned from my research that I had a misconception on how to meet my emotional needs. From what I read, man or women, the motivation and eventual addiction to sex has an adjoining start- misconceptions on how to meet emotional needs.
Well, I figured I'd throw in an update about my situation. Things have gotten much better. As far as I know, he has quit using porn for about a month now and our sex life has gotten WAY better in the last two weeks or so. The relationship, period, has gotten better. I have let go of a lot of my anger though I still have issues with the whole situation, and he has shown me that he has made the effort to be a team player and take my needs into consideration. Hopefully, I'm not jinxing things by writing this, but for now things are good. Not great like they once were, but pretty good.
thanks ljtseng - would you mind explaining a bit more.
i have looked on the net. not indepth. but thanks for the response.
however what you say , your right in saying.
i think thats where im out of control. thats why i cant stop the thought of it.
I find porn a big waste of time and money. I also think trash talk/tv is big waste of time. As for sex.. yeah, it feels good, but I don't want to see others making love..talking about porn. In a love story, fine, but not down right dirty. To me, love shouldn't be taken that way.
Porn of any type and even sexual tools such as vibrators are no good. They may get you stimulated but at some point it becomes difficult to become aroused and your body becomes addicted to it. Better to never try. There are other natural things a couple can do to help stimulate sexual arousal in their relationship. For example, role playing, heated hot words, body chocolate frosting and excercising in the nude.
Re: Why Sex / Porn is Addictive
