phillybrokenheart

Ive been practicing detachment.

Its hasnt been easy.

He had a meeting today with the army.

He texted me after it saying that he was denied due to carpal tunnel surgeries he had on both of his hands.
(mind you, I told him NOT to have the surgeries done, as it didnt seem like he was at the point where surgery was necessary. After the surgeries, he was out of work for some time, on pain meds, which lead to yet another relapse) But anyway, thanks to the surgeries, they said no. (So he says - cant even be sure he actually went)

I sent a text in return saying I was sorry to here that and that I hope it does not discourage him from doing something to make his life better.

He responded back with - F you and F my mom! Im going on a blind date this weekend that my sisters have been trying to get me to go on for a long time now. Go to hell and stay out of my life.

My immediate reaction was to react and respond. But I understand that reacting is one of the things that co-dependents do too much. So I did nothing.

Im sad at the thought of him going out with someone else, but I know there is nothing I can do about it EXCEPT let him come home which is what he wants me to say out of fear of him moving on. However, thats not something I willing to do and certainly not for those reasons.

Oh well, time to read again

When will this get easier??????

that_girl

Be thankful this twat is going to someone else. You deserve way better.

It's hard to hear that when you're in the thick of it, but seriously, let him go be someone else's a-hole.

__________________

Carol/BC

Yikes! He's got enough anger to sink a ship! Hey, wait... good thing it's not YOUR ship! Find someone new who's not A BIT like him.

phillybrokenheart

I know - you're 100% right.

That was I getting ready to respond - "does this poor girl know that you are an all the time relapsing addict, that lives with his mom that you are still afraid of, with your kids - one of which has a ****load of mental/behavioral issues, that YOU do not take care of them AT ALL, that your stepfather does everything for them from take them to and from school, homework, keep them out of the house so your mom doesnt get mad at them being around, that you will dry her out of everything she has while you and your kids move into HER life and expect her to take the place of your mom and stepdad? Cause I think she has a right to know WHO SHE IS DATING!"

But I didnt respond, lol.

CLucas976

I got a blind date threat once. Turns out he either never went or like he said, the girl stood him up. In all honesty I'm pretty certain it was a lie created to spark jealousy and it was dumped as soon as I was supportive of him finding someone who actually makes him happy.

Show nothing but support and love and distance. It'll eat him right up for one, and it'll make you feel better knowing your being the bigger person in the end. I think if I were to have gone on a spite rampage I'd in turn be more miserable right now and less mentally balance because I'd still be caught up in drama. I'm not. He is, but I am fine, stable, and hold no regrets from how I've handled every episode, even if it was with silence.

besides, unless she's blind and deaf, she will figure it out soon enough.

Kurosity

detaching...........scary word for sure. I would think that he is getting angry because he can not manipulate you anymore. It sounds like he is trying to though with the blind date thing.

You did good, not reacting is so very hard when you have spent so much time in that behavior.

You are in a better place. You should let your self feel the sadness, own it, accept it, and then let it go. He may be dating but you do not have to live in the pain his actions cause.....................wow sorry I have been reading a bit too much I think. Best wishes and good for you.

phillybrokenheart

@ cLucas976 & Kurosity -

I have been trying very hard to implement what Im reading. Its weird to have to be so conscious of every thought, word, reaction. But I am really trying. And not just with him. I had a h*ll of day at work today and kept going over paragraphs from my books in my head - basically taking a deep breath and thinking before I just repsond.

I know in the long run, this will be the best thing for me (the hardest for him to deal with) but Im hoping that eventually all these conscious things just become habit. And from there hopefully it will just take a snowball effect in a positive direction with my WHOLE life, not just with STBX.

Its funny, I knew this divorce would have a huge impact on my life for all the obvious reasons, but Im starting to understand the "everything happens for a reason" thing. If this had not happened, I dont think I would have ever come this face to face with my co-dependency issues and just how much they have really affected my life in such negative ways.

Thanks for all your support! I really do appreciate it. I dont how or why, but once I hear from you guys, it always seems like its gonna be ok. Thanks so much :-)

copingdad

Hey Philly, be strong, stay strong and stick to your guns. You know were both in the same boat, but I know in my heart I won't be happy until I let go and move on from this relationship. You will be the same. One day you you will look back and be happier than ever and this whole situation will be just something that happened to you once. I'm the same way, but be honest with yourself and picture yourself out of this situation and not dealing with it or thinking about it. YOU WILL BE THERE!! Stay strong.
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