Relationships and AddictionWhether it's drugs, alcohol, gambling, sex, pornography, or anything else, addictions can be detrimental to the health of a relationship.
Joking aside - Porn is a huge issue in marriages and I wish that men would understand how it affects their spouses and respect it. I also believe that there has to be some compromise as well, but having complete disregard for your spouse's feelings is not right.
This is an ongoing battle and issue for us as well, he makes promises, only to break them - I don't think he can stop - I have told him that and that makes him all the more determined to "prove me wrong" and well - he hasn't yet. My trusting him is so important right now and everytime he lies and does it - its one more wedge between us. How can we expect to heal when we take one step forward and three steps back............
GPR: People "FLATTERED" by the way they are used? Oh, come now! Ur ...Surely you jest!
And GPR when I was mentioning they could go be doctors, engineers, etc...I meant, assuming they have the brains to do so...some may have the brains but not the ambition or guts to try.
Otherwise, if they do the porn because they haven't a brain in their head (as in: what the heck are you thinking); they DON'T think.
I would just like to share what 99% of porn gives that 99% of real girls dont ~ ENTHUSIASIM. those girls do all the work, they look like they want to be doiing it, and it really dont matter if they look that way just cause they are paid to.
Maybe I am the exception but I do 90% of the work for sex, and unfortunatly I got some stamina so it is quite a calorie burning proposition to go all the way to climax. Porn for some reason short cuts that. Instead of 45 min of hard hip pumpin its just 10 min of arm jerkin and I'm done. Sometimes I like to be lazy and not have to sweat to finish, porn just helps it along.
Sex is biologically addicting to men, nature made it that way its not some weakness of charector or personality flaw. The chemical ****tail that is released at the moment of climax has been tailored by evolution to make us want to come back for more. To talk about a man having a masturbation addiction is kind of an oxymoron.
To the OP: sorry to burst your bubble, but exactly where do you think your goin to find a guy who would be willing to NEVER look a porn again? I'd say the odds of that happening are about the same as your husband actually landing a female that looks like one of the porn girls you think he is comparing you to. Seems like you both have unrealistic expectations of each other.
But there is good news: you made a vow to each other to help each other in good times and bad. Stop trying to make each other into a fantasy and open your eyes to the reality of who you are and who you are with and then choose to fall deeper in love because you know each other better.
I feel sadness for you! I've been going through the same problem for about a year now. I'm so very tired of feeling like its MY problem that I don't agree with my fiance viewing porn. I feel it might not be such an issue if he wanted to watch it together, as a couple. But he doesn't. It's always hidden. It's always a big secret. And then theres the lying. I've caught him numerous times and have confronted him numerous times. He either denies it, ignores me, or changes the subject. Sometimes he gets angry. End of conversation. I feel like he completetly dismisses my feelings. Which he does. I don't know how much help or advice I can offer you, except that we are basically in the same boat. Sometimes it just helps me to read about other women with the same issue. We are not weird, not prudes, not up-tight, not anal. We are hurt and upset about an issue. We want our feelings to be validated! I haven't found a solution. I feel like I've tried everything to better myself....to increase my self-esteem. I still feel like I am disrespected....Stay true to yourself, Racemom. Your feelings are real and feelings deserve respect.
hi racemom, im a pornaddict husband and here goes my view of this.
with that in mind i can tell you that i watch porn as entertainment. The same way you would watch a comedy or a drama movie. They all stimulate us but in different ways. I was willing to stay off other things for my wife, like the opportunity of being a porn actor(no sandy its not that i don't have a brain, im about to become an accountant and i work for the most successful bank in my country, its the thrill).
For me leaving porn feels like quitting drinking or smoking. i did both. its a very very hard thing to do and sometimes we are not willing to do it because we feel like its something harmless that we enjoy. right now its been 4 days without porn for me. BELIEVE me that feels like a year. Point is unless he wants to stop it, its going to be hard for you to make him stop. Add to that, that he is not getting any sexual action at home so his only stimulation is porn. If you cant learn to live with it its going to cause very bad problems to your relationship and maybe end it.
what i suggest is giving him the confidence of being able to watch it in front of you, then jump all over him. this may disgust you at first but its better for him to do it in front of you than on your back. also you can monitor the situation and see if it gets out of hand. Out of hand being:**** porn, bestiality, rape scenes, underage, etc etc. any of this should raise a flag. in case you wonder ive never watch any of the above, i find it disgusting. The rest is pure normal MAN behavior.
We(some men) dont view sex with wife with the same feelings a woman sees it. For you its a more sacred, spiritual thing while we see it as a more physical thing.
the only thing you shouldnt accept is the negative comments about your body.
I
sorry to burst your bubble, but exactly where do you think your goin to find a guy who would be willing to NEVER look a porn again?
My husband! lol But he was never into porn to begin with.
Sometimes we'll see something while switching through the TV and we'll watch it for a min, but we end up laughing since most of it is just so ridiculous. Seeing strangers doing graphic sexual acts is not erotic to me... might as well we watching a gynecological or prostate exam for all the appeal it has. When there's no emotional investment it's just textbook anatomy to me. For H too.
Movies and books with passionate scenes are so much better in my opinion. If we like the characters, that is.
Racemom- I wish I had some wisdom to share with you. You're husband is telling you how not great you're looking, while looking at other women... and somehow you're supposed to not feel that it's about you and become some sort of super vixen in response? Yeah, right. I'd feel hurt too.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Merm
Difference is I wouldnt cheat on him, and I'm pretty sure if a women gave him the opportunity he would jump, not because I'm not super terrific, its because he has a penis and half a brain. So, I stay one step ahead of him and slap his hand and say "no sweetie, you can't go home with the check out girl" and if he's good I'll let him pretend I'm the check out girl.
Shouldn't his frontal lobe do that for him? Or is that included in the missing half of his brain?
This has got to be the most assbackwards advice and justification for something that is wrong I have ever heard. She should put up with and make it work for him??!! I forgot, for the most part it is all about YOU and screw how she feels. Dump him and get someone with some self respect, self control, honesty and who actually has some values. Personality characteristics say A LOT about a man and YOU JAVElinpr!!! Bad rationalization douche bag............
I feel bad for you as well, and what everyone needs to keep in mind is we are all different! I am still getting through my bad feelings about porn or frickin women in general because of the way my hub was and thinks sometimes.This is a hard issue to deal with and very sensitive too because what the other person fails to relize is that they will end up missing out on things too .Without feeling comfortable or secure it makes things more limited in your relationship.I am a total horn dog and extremely open minded ...plus my hubby is the hottest man on this planet to me and he was doing this all the time even at work! We have fought about it alot and are trying to work through it.He says he has stopped...at home he has because he knows that i am like CSI when it comes to the computer.So, i hope he is being truthful and not doing it at work anymore.I wish you all the best and the only thing i can offer is talk it out and try to recover...and get back your marriage.
I give a few "reasons" why?
I do not really want to "justify" it for men.
However as with any "addiction" its is important to be there for your spouse.
The main thing in my mind,is this.
If it does not interfere with your sex life and pleasing your wife,then I see it as a lesser issue then say,if the man
was using porn as a replacement for intimate contact with his wife.
I am addicted to porn.Its almost a biological addiction,one that in the above thread I discuss.
However,I love my wife so much that it will NEVER interfere with me being able to perform and pleasure her.
I would rather have one night of hot lovemaking with my honey,then ALL the porn ever made.
Re: Porn, Porn, Porn, I'm sick of it!
- that is tooo funny!!
...Surely you jest! 
