Relationships and AddictionWhether it's drugs, alcohol, gambling, sex, pornography, or anything else, addictions can be detrimental to the health of a relationship.
I am a pot smoker and my Wife is completely anti, a couple of times (2 or 3) I have gotten caught by my Wife with paraphernalia, promising each time that it would not happen again.
I of coarse have just plain out lied to avoid the break up right then and there but have no intention of ever quitting.
So this morning I got caught AGAIN, didn't know I got caught till my Wife had already gone to work,but when I put the baby in the car seat and went over to give my Wife a kiss, she gave me a look, to which I asked, "What?" to which she answered "We'll talk about it later"... Anyway, when she left I went to look for my pipe which I had put in one of her jacket pockets and noticed she was wearing it.
Total pot head move, I know.
So, not being able to put the Genie back in the bottle, I just went to work and am waiting for the sentence later when we both get home.
I will come back to update how it went but am so afraid of loosing my Wife and baby. I have been racking my brain all day but have resigned myself to the worst possible outcome and have found a strange peace in the fact that there is nothing I can do to stop, what ever happens.
but am so afraid of loosing my Wife and baby. I have been racking my brain all day but have resigned myself to the worst possible outcome and have found a strange peace in the fact that there is nothing I can do to stop, what ever happens.
Instead of trying to control your environment all the time by lying, try just being honest. Once you allow the natural consequences to fall, what you really want in life will come to you. When you start being honest, and you start getting what you are really asking for, you'll either be happy with your life, or you'll realize you want something else. You just have to start being honest.
I am a pot smoker and my Wife is completely anti, a couple of times (2 or 3) I have gotten caught by my Wife with paraphernalia, promising each time that it would not happen again.
I of coarse have just plain out lied to avoid the break up right then and there but have no intention of ever quitting.
So this morning I got caught AGAIN, didn't know I got caught till my Wife had already gone to work,but when I put the baby in the car seat and went over to give my Wife a kiss, she gave me a look, to which I asked, "What?" to which she answered "We'll talk about it later"... Anyway, when she left I went to look for my pipe which I had put in one of her jacket pockets and noticed she was wearing it.
Total pot head move, I know.
So, not being able to put the Genie back in the bottle, I just went to work and am waiting for the sentence later when we both get home.
I will come back to update how it went but am so afraid of loosing my Wife and baby. I have been racking my brain all day but have resigned myself to the worst possible outcome and have found a strange peace in the fact that there is nothing I can do to stop, what ever happens.
Wish me luck.
I used to be a daily pot smoker. Sometime after my first child was born I started to slow down. I just stopped buying it at first. If was out with friends and it came around so be it. I just stopped at home.
As time went on I smoked less and less. At some point it started to react differently. I no longer like the way I feel when I do and haven't smoked in a long time. I can't say that it is something I miss or will never do again.
I will say that it is time for you to be honest with your wife and tell her you want to stop but don't know how. Tell her that you need her help, and you are willing to do what is necessary to stop.
You may want to seek out a friend that doesn't smoke, or see a counselor.
i quit eons ago, one day i just stopped cause your life becomes one big lie. having kids should snap you out of it, i dont know how old you are but in my humble opinion, it is an immature and selfish action. sorry to be harsh but you gotta let it go for the childs sake if nothing else.
That explains a lot about your personality. Pot smokers tend to go round and round in circles. I dropped the last of my pot-head friends. As someone once said, what's cute in you're 20's looks worn in your 40's
Why don't you just stop? Is it Really worth losing your Baby, and Wife? I have never tried pot, can't even fathom why anyone would. Having said that, it's a drug, and like any drug, it can be addictive, and those who say it isn't.... well, they can't seem to stop either, can they? Fact is, it puts you in a state of voidedness, or something like that, right? You feel gooooddddd..
Well, what happens if you are feelin good one day, drivin down the road, with your little precious life, your child , in the car with you, and you get in an accident, because all your faculties are not present? What if you get pulled over, and you're high and /or, have pot paraphanaliea or however you spell that,,, on your person, and the baby is with you? You'll go to jail, the baby will go to a social worker, till your wife can come pick him/her up.
Dude, there is Nothing good, that will come of this habit. Best stop it now.... Anyone that would choose a drug, over his wife and kid.... well, you've got a problem, and you need to seek professional help for it.
The first thing you need to do is recognize that, that is a problem and make a plan to stop. You are going to have to earn your trust back with the wife
Side note: you put it in her jacket. what a pothead! I'm teasing you but that was funny as hell.
I suggest your wife comes home to flowers or whatever she likes and you ready to make a plan to kick the habit. You should start by giving her all your pipes, papers, etc.
Ok, so from reading this post you will see that I have not nor will probably ever stop smoking pot. My mistake was not taking my love of the herb and devotion to it into consideration before deciding to stay with my Wife and having a child with her.
I am not just a pot head, I am a drug usage advocate. Meaning that I will defend to my death the fact that pot is no different than liking and choosing to drink wine or other alcoholic beverages or smoke salvia or kratom, both legal in my state by the way, so is pot for medicinal purposes. I think that people should be able to do whatever they wish as long as they are not hurting or endangering others.
Do I have a moral obligation to teach my son that drugs are bad, if I don't believe that they are? Or do I have a moral obligation to teach my son to use common sense and make up his own mind about what he want to or not put in his body or believe in.
I hate religion Christianity, the fact that people with no "Jewish" or middle eastern lineage follow a god made up by people who's history has nothing to do with theirs.
Example: I am half Mexican and Puerto Rican, both my people (ancestors) where conquered by Catholics and forced by torture to abandon our beliefs that we held or developed over tens of thousands of years before "Jesus" even existed.
Anyway, now my Wife's family (Grandmother) is teaching my son
to say little prayers and this father, son and holy spirit thing Catholics do with their hand and I hate it.
When I told my Wife I don't want my son learning that useless Hebrew superstition that where themselves plagiarized from even more ancient Samarian and Egyption texts (the whole Jesus story existed 1300 years before Jesus, so is just a "story") and instead I wanted to explore our true spiritual and cultural roots and individual spirituality on his own at his own time, I get scoffed and almost laughed at and of coarse my wished are ignored.
Part of the heritage and spiritual background and practices of "my true people" (the native American Indians not Whites or Spaniards) my peoples way of communing with the GOD(s) involved the use of halusinogens (drugs, peyote, San Pedro or Mescaline, Salvia) most of which are illegal and though harmful by western standards but still protected and accepted for a handful of tribes.
Sorry I am rambling and can talk on this subject forever, but the point is that my pot smoking or choice to do any other substance, is my own business, within the confines of "the law" and as long as I am doing no harm to myself or others.
I actually also have the right, to teach my son what I believe or simply offer other belief systems as viable options and just as true and important as the other doctrines, if not even more so because of his and my ancestry.
I tried to be honest about the pot smoking and my philosophy in general just the other day but my Wife is a close minded brain washed person that is afraid to even stray from what her masters and local society say she should feel and believe.
That ended up being yet another painful waist of time and so I am forced to continue to lie and live in hiding like some of my ancestors must have had to do or die (or in my case get divorced) but you get the picture.
Woah!!!! Well I gotta say that was a mouthful and I am sure there will be people who will disagree with you but I personally think it's noble to stand up for what you believe in. I think because you and your wife differ so much you should be looking at a divorce. You're very liberal when it comes to some things and she's very conservative and this is conflicting with your son. It will become (if it isn't already) confusing (with or without divorce) for him, and he may do what you wanted him to do in the first place, question and use common sense for himself. Or he may not.
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On cable TV they have a weather channel - 24 hours of weather. We had something like that where I grew up. We called it a window. -- Dan Spencer
One partner using drugs is often a reason people divorce... more so in this age where so many jobs require drug testing. It is understandable why someone with a child would not want the partner to be on or smoking dope when there is so much to possibly lose. Your values differ and your going to have to pick one or the other ( drugs or your marriage)
In this country or better said, in today's society, there are many, too many in my opinion, reason why people divorce.
I have divorced once before because of issues my Wife and I had after loosing our first daughter to cancer. In retrospect I believe that we maybe would have been best served to not jump to divorce and instead seek help in dealing with our grief.
No, no offense to those whom see divorce as being like white-out for relationship problems but I think I will serve my sons best interests by staying close and protecting him from the overly conservative, religious, conformist, closed minded people or he will surly become one himself.
I believe that there are issues in life that are best served with patience and gradual manipulation rather than quitting, conforming or giving in and this is one of those cases.
Conceit to the anti-pot mentality is a victory for the other side and a retreat for me.
My Puerto Rican (Tiano Indian and African) ancestors found a way to keep their old religious beliefs and practices, in the face of torture and death for them and their families. They pretended to comply and instead worshiped their old Gods and simply gave them the names of the Catholic Oppressors religious figures. This came to be knows as Santeria, voodoo disguised as Catholicism. A lie to the poor Conquistadores and Catholic missionaries, yes. A justified survival tactic in a hostile invironment, yes. Which is right and which is wrong, depends on who you ask.
My employer tests for drugs, fortunately for me there are ways around that, and strike one for our (pot advocates) side.
Following blindly something that you feel is not right but is popular, accepted by your society or "the law", is what lead to the Jewish Holocaust.
I'm sure that there where people that didn't quite agree with Hitler or the fact that killing millions of innocent people might be wrong but knew that it would be stupid to endanger their lives and that of their families by standing up against what they believed to be wrong.
Some people did, lie and break the law in Germany at the time to stand against what they felt was wrong, where they wrong to do so.
I stood my ground against close minded thinking, fought for what I think is right and risked loosing my family to divorce in the process.
Now, like my ancestors before me, I will seemingly conceit to my oppressor, for risk of death (divorce) pretend that I am compliant and secretly preserving my beliefs and pass them down to my children.
Enough is enough with alcohol and cigarettes being accepted and pot or other natural plant extracts being illegal just because society (Here in the US at least) says it should be so.
I think you're right on the divorce aspect if the idea is to work things out. I can't really reply on the smoking pot side because my brain is fried from todays events. I just read your last line wrong in your last post maybe, thought you were considering divorce as an option. In which case. How do you think you will work out these conflicting issues with your wife?
You think that you will just live with her and lie that you are not doing those things that she is against, and all will be well? Do you love your wife, and does she love you? Is that the only issue you guys have. If you love each other and this is just one thing in the grand scheme of things, then I can understand. I guess I have more trouble understanding if it is just a unhappy marriage and if to be happy you have to be secretive/manipulative vs. compromise.
But I guess if that's your thing. Hmm... so my main question then is, what are you asking? Or are you just making a statement? Which is cool I just don't know what I'm commenting on now >.>
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On cable TV they have a weather channel - 24 hours of weather. We had something like that where I grew up. We called it a window. -- Dan Spencer
wow
I don't think you should live a lie, if you are so proud of your beliefs then you should not lie and hide them to keep your family together. Your wife deserves someone that is honest- which is very important in a marriage. Your son should learn about honesty too... among other things- he's his own person and he should be able to make his own decisions regarding drugs and religion when he is old enough to even understand them- I don't see anything wrong with him learning a prayer...
I don't blame your wife for not wanting illeagal drugs in a house with your young son... regardless of your views... it's not the kind of enviroment for a small child to be around... it's very different then drinking wine...you don't have to buy wine from a drug dealer... geesh.
XiaSulin, sorry for the long ranting posts and thank you for your patience and in making an effort, fried brain or not, to understand.
I don't know if I have a question, just letting off steam after a hard couple of days, in which I have felt persecuted because I like to smoke a substance that it frowned upon.
I live in California and with a medical reason (which I have) it's legal by state law to posses and even grow a certain amount of pot. The legality of what I am doing is not so much the issue I think, because I asked her if she rather I drink like her family (Uncles, and Grandma) does and she said no because alcoholics are abusive. I can smoke Salvia Divinorum or Kratom, which are much scarier substances, in the affects not the dangers to health and both of which are completely legal in California and she would still have an issue with it.
No, it's just that my Wife's has preconceived ideas of what a pot smoker is, and that is a "drug user" and she stated that even if it where legal she wouldn't want to be with a pot smoker. You see, her first boy friend (guy she lost "it" to) was a pot head and a jerk as well. I think she blames the herb and not the fact that this guy was simply a jerk to begin with.
Aside from my pot smoking, which I never do in the the open, in her presence or in the house. She isn't even aware when I am high in front of her, some days when we do end up together.
A fact that I can not bring up to aid in my proving a point because then she would just get mad about that, but doesn't that prove my point about it being a non-issue...?
We have a pretty loving and happy relationship, despite her abrasive and sometimes down right abusive personality that really gets under my skin sometimes.
I asked her, if I was a good husband, good father and if I treated her well, all to which she replied yes, except for the pot smoking and lying about it.
Blonddeee
My son should not grow up in a house with illegal drugs, for reasons of a possible bust and subsequent issues with child services, I completely agree. I do however live in a state (CA) in which I have the right to posses up to a certain amount and I never keep anywhere near that amount at home. I'm not stupid. On that same note, I can have Salvia Divinorum (the strongest natural halusinogen discovered so far) or Kratom (a drug who's affects are like opium or heroine) both are relatively safe (health wise) and completely legal in califonia, but I don't because, that's not what I'm in to.
I do see a problem with religion or superstition being introduced at to young of an age because like me, once you learn something at this impressionable of an age, you can not unlearn it and it becomes a part of your programing.
Now if it where a religion or spiritual belief that had something to do with my own ancestry, I might be a little more included to instill it in my child, but it's not.
In my peoples culture, the Mexican side, there are indigenous tribes that see spiritual enlightenment via the consumption of cacti containing Mescaline (peyote) and they give it to their children as well. Is that wrong, just because an Anglo westerner or a person from another culture says it is?
I believe that you can be a good person without the superstitions and belief in any "god".
I have an equal right to raise "my" child, how I see fit within the confines of the law where I reside and my own principles and beliefs.
My Wife does deserves honesty and when she starts treating me like I feel I deserve to be treated, I might start to feel worse about having to lie to her.
She, however is not perfect and is a bit of a jerk to me and does things that I can not get away with or have the right to say anything about.
Once again please forgive my long posts but I have so much stress and borderline anger at this situation that I am venting like a tea kettle.
I appreciate reading other peoples take on my issue though, because I am too close to it and so can not see the whole picture from all angle, making me question my concussions.
XiaSulin
Sorry but I forgot to answer a good question you asked,
No, I am not considering divorce. I was replying to someone that stated:
Quote:
One partner using drugs is often a reason people divorce...
You also asked; "How do you think you will work out these conflicting issues with your wife?"
To this I have no answer unfortunately, continuing to lie to her is not my first choice, just the only recourse I can think of besides conceding to defeat.
I would have liked to be honest and reach a middle ground like as long as I do not use money that is needed for something else, don't do it around the house, or within a certain time before coming home, quitting for a period of time to prove that I can (am not addicted) and that I am the same person with or without the drug, all these things I would be willing to do, but it requires her meet me halfway.
I do love my Wife and Child with all of my heart but that does not mean that I stop being human and liking certain things that have nothing to do with proper raising of a family.
I like porn too and that's not something I want my son exposed to either, so I am just careful to keep it hidden as best as I can. Same thing with fire arms and alcohol or prescription meds. Having any of these things in a house with a young child is risky and probably completely unacceptable to some yet most people do it.
I feel like I'm on death row
what a pothead! I'm teasing you but that was funny as hell.
