Mishy

Hi everyone,

I would appreciate your opinions on this matter.

Since I started exercizing and taking better care of myself (after reading No More Mr Nice Guy) I began to notice how much my wife drinks. She has a passion for food and wine but it seems to me that the amount daily alcohol she drinks is excessive.
She drinks before going to work (wine or a vodka drink) and when she comes back. The amount of alcohol is about 2 drinks before and about 2 drinks after work. Sometimes more (never less). On top of that she works in a restaurant and sometimes (i don't know when this happens unless I ask) she has a glass or two of wine before coming home too.
I noticed that she has been drinking no-stop (= no more than 24 hours without alcohol) for a few weeks now.

The strange thing is that she is never drunk, she has high alcohol tolerance I assume.

I don't drink as much. I like to have a glass of wine or a beer over dinner but that's it. Most of the time I don't drink for days. Most of my drinking is on weekend (2-5 drinks) and/or on social occasions.Sometimes she offers me a drink and I refuse and she looks at me disapprovingly.

I am worried about my wife because she has high blood pressure and she is under medication. Also I don't want her to become addicted.

How can I bring up the subject?

Am I right to be worried or I am just exaggerating things?

Mavash.

Functional Alcoholic - Are You a Functional Alcoholic

Mishy

Hi Mavash.

thank you for the link.
Unfortunately I recognise some of the signs. So she may well be on the path to be a functional alcoholic.
This may also answer to some problems we had/have.

My question is what do I do now?

Mavash.

Have you looked into Alanon? I'm sure they have advice on how to deal with it. My dad and my MIL were functioning alcoholics. My MIL quit when she got cancer. My father on the other hand kept going and is now a full blown drunk. He no longer functions. He got fired from his job and does nothing but drink all day. Sad really. He's 71.

Mishy

I just looked and there is a group close to where I live.

Should I confront/tell her or keep the thing secret and go to the meeting?

How did you deal with your dad an MIL?Sorry to hear they are/have been functioning alcoholics .

I am worried big time now.

FirstYearDown

I think a confrontation about her drinking is in order.

Drinking before work shows that she needs alcohol to function normally. That is an addiction red flag.

Mavash.

I am estranged from my dad and I was never close to my mil. Their drinking wasn't my problem. When I was a helpless kid sure but like he would have ever listened to me.

Go to a meeting and see what they say before you confront.

PBear

I think going to a meeting first is a good idea as well. In the same way as people in here counsel spouses who have been cheated on to set things up properly, you should talk to some people who have been in your situation before.

To me, the drinking before work is also a big red warning flag.

C
Posted via Mobile Device

Mishy

I haven't gone to Al-Anon yet.

I talked to her and said that I am worried about her drinking, especially because she's on blood pressure medication. I also asked if there is a problem at work and if this is why she drinks before going in. She said that there is no problem at work and that she drinks because she likes it.
I asked her to slow down the drinking and she said she will but will not quit.

She didn't drink today before going to work. Let's see if it lasts.

donewithit

I am a recoverring alcoholic.

I used to have a drink before work (11am) then i continued unbeknownst to my hubby..while i was at work (own restaurant)

I would also drink when i got home. my choice was wine. I would hide the empty bottles hoping he would not find them before i got the chance to put them out on trash day

here is my view...if YOU think there is a problem. THERE IS.

I still drink. but we have clear rules..NO WINE..and i only drink WITH HIM if we are on holidays or special occasions..

wine is my trigger for sure.

Help her nip this in the bud NOW. you cannot stop her from drinking..but you can help her with your support to make her own decision to quit

Lynn

Mishy

Hi Lynn,

thank you for your post.It helps me to understand.

Your story is very similar to my wife's. She loves wine and the second choice is vodka.

She is not hiding her drinking, but she encourages me or her friends to drink or compliments them if they're having a drink.I find this eccessive and weird sometimes.

May I ask how your life is/was affected by alcohol?I feel put aside (less affection, less sex, less interest in me) because of it.

donewithit

our life was very much affected....sex was still there..but i remembered next to none of it..not a very nice think for my husband..i will tell you ..not trying to be concieted..but i have beautiful hair..long and very very spiral curly...i left it..i didnt care..i had knots that took a week for me to get out with very very much labour..if i didnt care about myself? how could i care about him? i do NOT know how my husband still had ANY sexual attraction to me. but i fought my way back..it is hard..when you are deep in the alcohol fog it is hard to see that you look like ****..you feel like ****...know what i mean?


sorry if you read the next paragraph before i deleted...i had two threads confused as one!! sorry

Lynn

donewithit

shoot..i am sooooo sorry i got two threads mixed up..u do not need antabuse..please disregard that statement
Lynn

Mishy

Wife will not be drinking for a week or so because she's taking antibiotics.

Today she was really crabby, and she's "taking relaxing tea to make at work because she can't drink" (quote her words).

I see an addiction there.

Also the other day we were talking to friends about c0cktails and she said she started drinking gin again (she said stopped when she was 21, now she's 34).

The more I think about it the more I think I have to go to Al-Anon.

GhostRydr

Ive dealt with similar for the last 3 yrs.

In the beginning she hid it so well, I thiught she had a medical issue (occasional has TSAs) but I found out it was vodka. I ran the gamut from yelling, puring it out, compromising, (she has anxiety and tried having her use it to calm her nerves until she got xanax prescribed. But then all she did was mix that with xanax.

Cops have been called numrous times to my home, they know shes a drunk. Shes had 2 seizures from ixing that with some sort of medication..etc.

She has now stopped the hard booze but drinks beer all day long..and doesnt even get drunk! BUt its too late...the damage is done to our relationship and she knows it. Im staying til she can get a job and she has a timeline. My job downsized and now the house is gona be shortsaled...anyway...Im out as soon as possible. Im just a social drinker and can tale it or leave it but Im tired, the love is gone (tho caring remains) and now I just wanna be a happy bachelor again.