nurse2012

My fiance and I have a wedding planned 4 months from now. The past few months he has grown distant. We have had a lot to deal with in the last few months also, such as moving to a new state and starting new jobs, his which is very demanding. I felt in my gut a month or so back that something was wrong because he didn't seem interested in me as much anymore. One night we were sitting around and I borrowed his phone to look something up and porn came up on the screen. I know all guys watch porn, but when I was compelled to look I noticed that the history on his phone everyday had loads and loads of porn. I was upset and talked to him about it and he said I had nothing to worry about. I wouldn't be worried about it if he included me, which I suggested and he wanted nothing to do with it. He continued to grow distant and I started to realize that I was the only one initiating sex, and sometimes would even get turned down because he was too tired. Over the last few weeks I've periodically checked his phone history to see if the porn was still a constant thing and it was, and in heavy amounts. I recently walked in on him masturbating to porn one day when he thought I had left for work already, I'm totally willing and wanting to have sex, why isn't he coming to me? Now I find myself torturing myself because I feel like I've been replaced. We have sex about once a week now and he even looks at porn afterwards when I'm not around. Today we had a serious talk about what is happening to us and I brought this issue up. He basically said he doesn't know what's going on, and he swears he's never cheated. He said he uses porn because he doesn't want to cheat. He basically said that there was a time when he couldn't wait to sleep with me and now he just doesn't get like that anymore. He then said he loves me and can't imagine living without me but thinks we should postpone our wedding since we don't seem to be in a good place right now. He assures me this isn't a break up, but I am having trouble figuring out how to handle this information, or figuring out where all of this came from. Is he a porn addict and its affecting our relationship? Or does he just not want me anymore and is using that to get off? Is it wedding jitters? I'm feeling extremely torn up and confused. I love him but I don't know what to do or how to feel, or how to tell my family and friends.

johnnycomelately

I think that it would be wrong to label him a 'porn addict' as this puts the focus and the blame on porn, rather than on him and your relationship. That is what you need to focus on.

Excessive porn use is a symptom, not a cause of problems.