My Husband has been addicted to porn for 10 years
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Navigation »Talk About Marriage »Focused Topics »Relationships and Addiction » My Husband has been addicted to porn for 10 years

Relationships and Addiction Whether it's drugs, alcohol, gambling, sex, pornography, or anything else, addictions can be detrimental to the health of a relationship.

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Old 06-11-2012, 02:12 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Default My Husband has been addicted to porn for 10 years

My husband and I have been married for 14 years.I'm in my early 30's and he is in his mid 30's.He has been addicted to porn for 10 years.We have sex once every 3 months and he has a hard time with an erection.I have tried everything that I can think of to get him to stop but nothing has worked.He is great at making me feel like it's my fault because I"m mad all the time.Any one would be if it was going on for this long. I can't take it anymore.I cry all the time now.I don't know what to do! How can I talk to him without making him mad and shutting down on me?

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Old 06-11-2012, 12:21 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: My Husband has been addicted to porn for 10 years

If he is truly addicted, he needs help and, just like for any other addict, he has to make that decision for himself. You cannot 'make' him quit. The first step, when he's ready, would be for him to be evaluated by a Certified Sex Addiction therapist. (CSAT)

If he isn't there yet, the best thing you can do is get out of the marriage. Often, such a thing is what the addict needs to smarten up. But your concern should be with yourself, not him. You probably have enabled him in some way and may benefit from a codependents group like COSA or S Anon.

Please see the link in my signature for some more info and some books that may help.
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Old 06-11-2012, 12:35 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: My Husband has been addicted to porn for 10 years

Have you seen this Ted Lecture? Your husband is perfectly described in it. An astoundingly large number of very young men have been watching porn videos over the Internet and masturbating to an extent and degree that they now have problems with ED. Viagra doesn't work because it's not a physiological problem.

TEDxGlasgow - Gary Wilson - The Great Porn Experiment - YouTube

Know this: porn addiction is a variation of Internet point / click addiction. You need someone specifically trained in these areas to help him overcome this.

Most men like porn and nearly all men masturbate, so it's hard to convince someone that they have a serious problem with porn that is deeply interfering with their life. ED in a young man is NOT normal and is nearly always attributed to the issues you describe.
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Old 06-11-2012, 12:40 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: My Husband has been addicted to porn for 10 years

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Originally Posted by RainDrops View Post
My husband and I have been married for 14 years.I'm in my early 30's and he is in his mid 30's.He has been addicted to porn for 10 years.We have sex once every 3 months and he has a hard time with an erection.I have tried everything that I can think of to get him to stop but nothing has worked.He is great at making me feel like it's my fault because I"m mad all the time.Any one would be if it was going on for this long. I can't take it anymore.I cry all the time now.I don't know what to do! How can I talk to him without making him mad and shutting down on me?
Stop trying to do things to make him stop and get your self so help. You can learn a lot from support groups for spouses of addicted people. There are so many books out there that can help.
I would stop taking the blame. Many addicts will say and believe things that make it easier for them to justify their use. Like, "she is mad all the time so why sleep with her I can use this video to get off".
Just get your self help. I would not suggest you leave the relationship, yet, I believe one should never make quick choices before getting healthy and stable. No need to take your codependent life with you to another relationship or what not in the future.
You can not talk an addict out of their addiction. They have to want out. If you start doing better and getting healthy it may shake his head loose for a moment it might not. Seek help for your self and stay focused there. His addiction is not your fault and it never will be.
There are many codependent books out there too if you are not comfortable with groups. There are most likely forums for your spouses actual addiction too. Take baby steps and see where you want to be after getting stronger and learning how to manage life with an addict and unlearn some of the behaviors you have developed from the ten years of living with one.
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Old 06-26-2012, 06:47 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: My Husband has been addicted to porn for 10 years

Heres a good way to find out if hes idealized sex/porn over sex with you and his erections lack of sex isnt just you nagging him about porn

Reverse it..tell youve been thinking about him watching porn and its kind of turning you on wondering what hes into. Ask him if hes seen anything that maybe he wants to try with you

If he doesnt then you got a problem..if he does, add it to your sex life and stop nagging being mad at him

Ive been viewing porn since 1998 online and have gone days and even a week or two without it and dont break out in non porn sweats...and I likes my porn!
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Old 06-26-2012, 06:56 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: My Husband has been addicted to porn for 10 years

what do u mean addiction, how often is he watching. once a week or so does not make him addict.
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Old 06-28-2012, 03:43 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: My Husband has been addicted to porn for 10 years

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Originally Posted by RainDrops View Post
My husband and I have been married for 14 years.I'm in my early 30's and he is in his mid 30's.He has been addicted to porn for 10 years.We have sex once every 3 months and he has a hard time with an erection.I have tried everything that I can think of to get him to stop but nothing has worked.He is great at making me feel like it's my fault because I"m mad all the time.Any one would be if it was going on for this long. I can't take it anymore.I cry all the time now.I don't know what to do! How can I talk to him without making him mad and shutting down on me?
I am going through the exact same thing. Watch this video, it at least helped me.
TEDxGlasgow - Gary Wilson - The Great Porn Experiment - YouTube
My husband has not watched porn for 2 weeks now. And we were intimate after I initiated it. It is a very, very painful thing to go through. I definately feel your pain.
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Old 06-28-2012, 03:47 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: My Husband has been addicted to porn for 10 years

My husband watched porn every day, sometimes twice a day. We had sex four times last year. See video about porn addition. TEDxGlasgow - Gary Wilson - The Great Porn Experiment - YouTube

It is likened to saying to an alcoholic's mate, "So, he has a few beers. What's the problem? I love a few beers every now and then." Porn additions destroys ALL intimacy in the bedroom. Not like I have not tried in every way to initiate and spice it up. It is keeping one foot in fantasy land and one foot in reality.
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Old 06-29-2012, 01:14 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: My Husband has been addicted to porn for 10 years

Addicted, in this case, means it is interfering with his relationship with his real, live mate.

His marriage is falling down around him and he cannot perform. I don't know if its addiction, but it certainly is starting to affect his (and her) life in a detrimental way.

It has nothing to do with times per week.

The difference between having drinks after work once in a while and having a string of DUIs to overcome.... If it is interfering with your marriage, work, legal status or your health, its a problem.
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