Relationships and AddictionWhether it's drugs, alcohol, gambling, sex, pornography, or anything else, addictions can be detrimental to the health of a relationship.
Well I'm new to the forum; we are currently separated but have decided to work on our marriage
This evening my wife called me up to see if I wanted to meet her down in Denver to check out a couple of stores and get some dinner afterwards. I was extremely glad she called me because last night during a phone conversations that went south it was nice to see that she just saw it as a speed bump and wanted to rebound. Anyways, shopping went well, she got a couple of things and that was it. We agreed to go to a nice restaurant. We have been working on being totally honest with each other which I know is very important in having a marriage be successful. In the past she has always had stomach pains here and there but every time we went and got it checked out it turned out to be nothing or kidney stones etc. At one point during dinner she said to me. "I've only told this to two people" and I said sure what’s up? She said for a while she has been taking Laxatives to lose weight. I was shocked. She said she had heard some females talking about it, taking it prior to getting married etc for losing weight and she said she was going to do it. Just to let you know my wife I do not see as overweight. She has always thought different, even when working out. I don't recall if she told me how long she has been taking them but I would assume that it has been at least three + months.
I did not get mad at her or yell at her because that would do nothing but make it worse. I said, ok this is something serious and we need to figure out how to get you help before you become addicted. Her reply was: I saw that it was becoming a problem and tried to quit cold turkey. From what I read this tonight her response confirms the addition: She said I quit taking the laxatives but in return she could not have a successful bowl movement and had to resort to taking them again to have a successful one. I said ok, then we need to jump on this and I am proud of you for first and most important admitting that you have a problem. I also said, this is going to be a hard road and you have to be prepared for me to lead you and take your hand to the path of getting the help you need. I also said that I have to be prepared for her to be a hard head about it, "which is going to be hard."
We ended dinner fine and finished up our walk around the mall. We both live in separate houses so I gave her a big hug and a very big kiss and told her how proud I was of her and we are going to work through this together! As soon as I got home, it's about an hour drive west up in the mountains. I fired up the laptop and started finding as much information as I could about this addiction going on with my wife. I got a list of local support groups for "Eating disorders." found one that is fairly close to her, e-mailed the group contact and also gave her a phone call.
When she gets back to me with Dates & Times I think it would be best if I go with her, I can go with her to all of them if she wants but I think for sure the first couple of ones I will need to take her.
Based on the fact that she was open and honest to me about this eating disorder and addiction, when I find out when the next group meeting is - should I tell her or just pick her up and say we are headed somewhere? I don't know if she is going to be very resistant based on her being open with me?
Reading everything that I could find tonight about Laxative Abuse I know that the sooner we hit this running the better, because it is a very serious addiction and could result in death.
I "think" that I have taken the first couple of steps correct, but if anyone can think or suggest anything else please help me. Also, I sent her an e-mail tonight telling her how proud I was of her and she has my love and support from the beginning to the end and also that she is not alone and 7,000,000 yes SEVEN MILLION other women in the world are going through the same thing.
you're doing the right thing.... it's good that you both realize her addiction, and you are correct, this could very easily kill her if she doesn't stop.
Aside from all that you're doing, you need to take her to the doctor ASAP... tell the doc what is going on, and then they can point your wife in the direction of some therapy, and let her know the real medical risks of not stopping this abuse of laxitives.
Don't just look up things on the internet, although that is a great start. Take her to a real doctor, do it yesterday.... this is a serious addiction, and it will result in so many things going wrong with her body, and eventually , like you said, death.
Get her help. Now.... I wish you luck. You're doing a wonderful job of supporting her, and she is so luck to have you in her life.
also... the docs might be able to prescribe her some kind of medication, to help her body wean off of the laxitives, without becoming severely constipated ,which is what happened to her the last time she tried to quit.
Please get her there as soon as possible. blessings....
Definitely consult an MD, as the others here have said. Laxative abuse is pretty serious. When I was in high school, I worked as a pharmacy tech and there was this one woman who came in all the time to buy laxatives. I didn't notice at first, but after a couple months, I sure did. The woman was wasting away, skin and bones. I told the pharmacist and he then refused to sell her any more. I'm sure she just went somewhere else, but I will never forget the way that woman looked - like she was on the brink of death.
I'm glad that your wife knows it's a problem, because now you can help her help herself. Good luck to you both.
We could not get a hold of a doctor today/yesterday but I will be on top of her today and follow up. I will keep you all posted about the progress. This needs MD attention like yesterday as Marina stated. Also, I am the only one that she brought this up to because she has grown distant over the last year from her mother, should I go behind her back and bring up the current situation to her mother, I know that once the mother finds this out "only from me" she might freak out to the point that she pushes my wife out of the idea of getting help? Any suggestions.
I personally, would not tell her Mother right now. If it's your wife's wish that only you know, then as long as your wife knows she's got a problem that she needs help for, and is willing to get that help and go see a doc... then telling her Mom will only aggrivate the situtation. If your wife however, gets to a point where she won't stop abusing laxatives, or refuses to face reality, and is in denial, then telling her Mother , and trying to get her whole family behind her to help her, might be a good idea.
If you feel that her Mother knowing would hinder your wife's desire to seek help, then telling her might not be the best idea right now.
Just play that one by ear. If you and your wife are facing this head on, and she is seeking help. Then it's okay if you keep it between yourselves at this point. this is just my opinion, but if you feel her Mom really needs to know, or that it's in your wife's best interest for her mom to get involved, then you should do what you feel is best for your wife.
Ok, so I said that I had sent her an e-mail pointing out how proud I was of her admitting her addiction, and pointing out that she is not alone and many people are going through the same exact thing. I did not receive a response from her. So yesterday afternoon I sent a quick text to her "mind you we are living in separate locations" asking her if she had received the e-mail and she said yes. I planned on calling her later on that afternoon, just saying hi and asking how her Sunday was going and possibly hinting about seeing a doctor. She texted back and said " Later? I'm enjoying my stress free day" I thought to my self, my intention is not to stress her out when I talk to her, this is what I have been working on since being Separated. Finally about 7pm she called and we had a good conversation and I brought up the point that I am not hear to stress you out, I am here to support you and love you. She said she did not want to talk about the issue and I said this is something that has to be taken very seriously, she still didn't.
So what I'm asking now is, I'm afraid that she will be not so motivated to get help as fast as we should.
How should I keep following up on this because I can't and won't put this on the back burner. I am worried about her very much. At the least, I think I should take her to a support group, call and make contact with the support group head and advise her of the current matter prior to taking her to the group meeting? She also said she knows from my e-mail the side effects of stopping the laxative, I know it will be very difficult to stop cold turkey and some people advise to slowly reduce the intake.
Snowman
Last edited by Snowman; 04-06-2009 at 01:40 PM.
Reason: Spelling
well, that's a different story all together. It seems as though now, she's again reverting into denial, and is not that open to getting help. And yes, I would assume that gradually going off the laxatives is the way to go... but I'm not an MD, and so it's Imparative that she see one, asap. tell her she cannot fix this on her own. She has got to see a doctor.
If she refuses to speak to you, or to go for help, then that's another story, and then I would consider telling her Mom, or someone close to her, that can get her help. Even if it means her being mad at you, the most important thing right now, is for her to admit she's got to go to the doc, and to get there.
She needs counseling too, asap. I am so sorry this is happening. It's a shame she's got such a low self esteem that she needs to take laxatives to lose weight, and feel better about herself.
Unfortunately, there are so many people out there that put too much emphasis on being skinny, or they do it to please their man, because he doesn't like "fat" women, and then this is sometimes the result you get. I am Not saying at All that you are the cause of this. Just that as a society, we seem to have lost all semblace of what true beauty is. I know that some of these old sayings, like "beauty is in the eye of the beholder," and "it's what is inside that counts".
are discounted as things ugly people say... but in all seriousness. who is to say what is ugly, what is pretty, what is thin what is fat.... everyone just needs to be happy with their own self, and that is all that truly matters.
I wish your wife didn't feel the need to abuse her body, to look a certain way. This is so sad. I hope she gets the help she needs.. and you are doing a Great job of being her support system. Keep up the good work, and don't give up on her.
Thanks for the reply and help thus far marina. I was recommend to a Doctor that's specific speciality is Eating Disorders and talked with her on the phone for about 40 minutes. She advised that I write Kendra another e-mail since e-mail works best for her and she can read it on her own time, and let her know that I am here for her and going to support her. Let her know that she has completed the first step by letting a love one know. Also tell her that you have talked to a couple of doctors. Let her know that this doctor "Dr X" has recovered from an eating disorder and specializes in it. Give her my phone number and let her know that it's ok to talk. Let her know that the next step can only be done by her and I will continue to support her but it is finally up to her. The doctor said that it's really impossible to force her to go and let her make the call. Let her go for a while and don't bring it up but follow up about it in about two weeks. The doctor does one on ones and support groups but always recommends that she have a one on one with her for the overall eval. I told the doctor do not tell her about the cost and I will cover it.
Well I have some great news! I emailed my wife some steps to ease her way off of taking the laxative(s) last Friday. This is what I had e-mailed her last week, straight from the email:
Quote:
The following are a few helpful suggestions to attempt when trying to quit the use of laxatives, I have highlighted the ones that you have already started the process on, I am very proud Kitten that you have started this process on your own! Look close at "9" it will happen. These are just the steps that you can take right now before we jump to the next step which I am setting up now, even at 12:13 A.M. Because I love you and care soo much about you.
1. Get rid of any diet pills, laxatives, diuretics, or ipecac syrup that you have around your house.
2. Let someone know you are attempting to stop laxative abuse; this will increase your chances of success as you will have someone to keep you accountable.
3. Consume adequate amounts of fiber.
4. Consult a therapist. If you attend eating disorder treatment at an eating disorder treatment center, you will be able to see a therapist as well as have access to a number of other therapy methods.
5. Talk with your doctor about safe methods of quitting laxative abuse.
6. Take walks in the morning. This may help your body with the overall digestive process.
7. Drink hot liquids before exercising. This too, will stimulate the digestive process (primarily muscle contractions) in the body.
8. Keep your body hydrated. Avoid caffeinated beverages.
9. Recognize that pain, bloating, and other uncomfortable sensations may take place for a short while after halting laxative and diet pill abuse.
10. Talk with a nutritionist. A nutritionist can assist you in developing better eating habits which will often prevent binges in those with bulimia
We are going to get you through this "TOGETHER" no matter what it takes! This needs to be taken very serious, Get ready to move into action, I will be leading the way and getting you the help that you need. I am here from the start "NOW" to the finish.
I have been talking with her daily and she has been giving me very positive updates. She has basically cut out taking Laxative(s) all together!!! She admits that she is going through some painful cramps but is getting better as the days go by. I am so proud of her and her doing a 360 since I have not been backing off. She has also made contact with a doctor that I had spoken too and is going to go to a group meeting next Thursday. She is staying so positive it's great! Me on the other hand, my week has taken a change for the worst. I got laid off on Tuesday after spending 10 years with the same company in the Casino industry, but am taking it alright. She is now making sure that she is being there for me in my down times.
I'll continue to keep you all updated and can't express my thanks enough to you all.
snow... I am so sorry you've been laid off. That is tough to take. You're doing a great job of being there for her, and now you need someone to be there for you also. I am sure she will be that person.
I will pray that you find a new job soon. Good luck!
Thanks so much. I did not even see it coming, it was totally by surprise. With the economy the way it has been for awhile, I was saving every penny that I could, "The just in case fund." So, basically I'm going to put in for unemployment as soon as I can and start kicking it into high gear with submitting applications. I was a casino exec in the Information Technology field, so the market is not too bad in the greater Denver area.
- Yesterday is history and tomorrow is a mystery, "that's my life long motto."
Thanks for keeping me in your prayers, it means a lot.
Wife is addicted to Laxative(s) She admitted
Re: Wife is addicted to Laxative(s) She admitted
Re: Wife is addicted to Laxative(s) She admitted
Re: Wife is addicted to Laxative(s) She admitted
