Relationships and AddictionWhether it's drugs, alcohol, gambling, sex, pornography, or anything else, addictions can be detrimental to the health of a relationship.
Being that this was one of the top issues that led to separation from my husband, I wonder if when he returns, if it is possible to work out some sort of mutual agreement with his game use. It was his constant game use that led to me rejecting him in the first place. It was my rejection that made him unhappy for three months--that and a couple of other problems we had that eventually led up to his EA with the coworker. I don't want him to completely let go of game use. I just want to know what is a reasonable suggestion regarding the game use that can make us both happy. He loves to be on the game. I felt that he was on it so much that he had lost interest in me or something. I felt like I was competing with the game console for his time. Lot of times I didn't get his time until I was already asleep for the night. He would want to be intimate and all when I'd already fallen asleep. Sometimes he would get mad when I didn't feel like being awaken in the middle of the night/early morning to give him some. I felt like I shouldn't have to wake up to do this when I was waiting to give it to him before I went to sleep but he was too busy on the Playstation online NBA game. I got to where I hated that game. Also he would give me maybe an hour or two in the daytime because he would sleep all morning and into noon since he spent all night on the game system--til like 6 or 7 in the morning. On average, he would wake up around 2 or 3 in the afternoon. Daughter would be home around 4. Am I going overboard having a problem with this? He argued about me giving my daughter time when she came home instead of giving him time, but he would have had "our" time had he not spent all night on the game system. This became a major problem because my daughter was use to it just being me and her before I married my husband. So she was still learning to accept him--especially since her dad is not around. It was like one would get mad that I'm given more time to the other or not giving time--it was a back and forward thing. My daughter started acting out at one point. His long nights of game time wasn't exactly everyday, but more so than not. If it's possible, I can come to some agreement---a reasonable agreement but I just don't know what would be considered reasonable when it involves setting some limits or the likes with the game system. He have lots of games, but when he's on the NBA Live game, I rarely if ever have his attention. I tried to give him his game time, but doing this messed up my own time with him. I don't want to feel like I'm mothering him to behave or that I care more about my daughter than him when I spend time with her. I don't want to argue anymore over this. I feel that if this continues when he returns, we might not be strong enough to hold the marriage together. Please give some advice if you will. Thanks.
Wow it sounds like you are describing my WH! I know how you feel and I know how unimportant you feel to him. The only difference is that my WH game addiction led to his EA/Hardcore flirting, on the online game he was playing. So be aware that this can happen with online games...
I am not sure how much game time would be appropriate for your H, but if I was you I would sure have some rules in place for his return, it definately should be part of an agreement between you both, especially if it led to alot of your problems in the first place. Is this something you have discussed with him? Is he willing to cut down on it?
Honestly, finding a "happy medium" is tough. My husband and I both got into EAs with fellow gamers. Because of this, we chose to stop playing that particular game...For now, we have essentially quit gaming altogether. Getting our relationship back on track is far more important to us than playing some silly game... especially one which connects us to other players (i.e. MMORPG type games).
My WH has not touched anything to do with the online world since DD and I honestly do not think I will ever be comfortable with my him playing MMORPG type games again. If he were to fight me on this I would not be able to stay with him.
He can go back to the video games that you play alone or with your family members, as long as it is prioritized properly with the rest of life.
Wow it sounds like you are describing my WH! I know how you feel and I know how unimportant you feel to him. The only difference is that my WH game addiction led to his EA/Hardcore flirting, on the online game he was playing. So be aware that this can happen with online games...
I am not sure how much game time would be appropriate for your H, but if I was you I would sure have some rules in place for his return, it definately should be part of an agreement between you both, especially if it led to alot of your problems in the first place. Is this something you have discussed with him? Is he willing to cut down on it?
I hadn't noticed anything unusual with the online gaming... Like signs of cheating, but the EA was with a coworker. I don't know if he is willing to cut down. Some times he would try but go back to the long hours again. I won't know how much he is willing until he comes back home. Posted via Mobile Device
Honestly, finding a "happy medium" is tough. My husband and I both got into EAs with fellow gamers. Because of this, we chose to stop playing that particular game...For now, we have essentially quit gaming altogether. Getting our relationship back on track is far more important to us than playing some silly game... especially one which connects us to other players (i.e. MMORPG type games).
Seems to me, he had no time for online EA from gaming. Was too busy cursing other online players out during gaming. NBA Live 10. Posted via Mobile Device
My WH has not touched anything to do with the online world since DD and I honestly do not think I will ever be comfortable with my him playing MMORPG type games again. If he were to fight me on this I would not be able to stay with him.
He can go back to the video games that you play alone or with your family members, as long as it is prioritized properly with the rest of life.
He plays NBA Live and Call of Duty Modern Warfare 3. I don't even mind 5 hours of game time. But 10, 12, and sometimes even longer... That's too much. I think I at least deserve if not half, close to half of his time. I wasn't even getting half. It's not like he works all week. He worked only on the weekends. If he wants to lose his family over playing online with strangers then I guess we better off not together. Posted via Mobile Device
My husband was addicted to online gaming. He was so into his game that we never spent any time together and when we did it was to go grocery shopping. I started going to the gym and I am not sure what got into him but he started working out with me on a regular basis
He used to game at least four days a week. All day on Saturday and Sunday
It seems you need to find something that u both enjoy doing and make plans to do the activity regularly Posted via Mobile Device
that is entirely too much gaming, and this is coming from a gamer myself.
I would definately request some limits on this "alone" time, but have him commit prior to accepting back in the home, and if necessary make him sign a agreement contract (I know sounds a bit extreme but his gaming is extreme and you dont want him to resort back without something to throw in his face once he does. There is a good chance he will).
Does he work? and does he take any role in your daughters life?
Addiction are actually a routine so you must do something to break that.You have to do something so that you can make him busy on any other work.
@ronnytote We use to go out a lot... restaurant, movies, park, mall, working out... Though he ended up losing his job, so we slowed down a bit since I had to pickup the slack until he found a job. Before we could even get financially stable with the new changes, I ended up losing my job from clerical errors on the job. I was already going through depression at this point and was on sick leave when the termination happened. I later got to where I didn't want to do anything. The depression had me to my lowest emotionally. He got tired of me making excuses whenever he wanted to do things I guess. He started spending waay too much on the game. I asked him later why he do me this way. He told me since I was rejecting him, he said f$ck it, he'll just play game all day. After he said this, I tried to put my illness to the side and tried to go out and spend time with him. I offered him to go out somewhere but he declined. ??? Declined... I guess I was too late. He'd already started his EA. It took just one more bout of me turning him down, he then went back to the all-day game playing again. Before all this, he wasn't on the game all day playing but it just got worse during my depression stage. If he comes back from the separation, I can hope we have some sort of agreement with the game playing situation. Because I won't be able to handle it. I'm back at work, at school, lost some of the weight I gained, off the medication, feeling lot better about life, myself, etc.. I even been trying to play some of the games so that should he return, at least I can try to play with him a little time to spend time with him. I guess. We can afford to go really nice places again. He's just not back here yet for us to.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cogo123
My husband was addicted to online gaming. He was so into his game that we never spent any time together and when we did it was to go grocery shopping. I started going to the gym and I am not sure what got into him but he started working out with me on a regular basis
He used to game at least four days a week. All day on Saturday and Sunday
It seems you need to find something that u both enjoy doing and make plans to do the activity regularly Posted via Mobile Device
Cogo123 I'm ready to make some agreement if only he can decide that he's ready to come home and talk about it. Idk... I don't even know where we stand right now. I think I messed up trying to do the 180 thing. My daughter is still friends with him on the Playstation so I know how often he gets on, unless he uses another username. But from what I can tell, he hadn't been on the game as much since he left. Makes me upset that he can go off and lose game time after he left me but I had to beg for his time even before the EA. I'm not sure if this new behavior is something good or an insult to me.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Humble Pie
that is entirely too much gaming, and this is coming from a gamer myself.
I would definately request some limits on this "alone" time, but have him commit prior to accepting back in the home, and if necessary make him sign a agreement contract (I know sounds a bit extreme but his gaming is extreme and you dont want him to resort back without something to throw in his face once he does. There is a good chance he will).
Does he work? and does he take any role in your daughters life?
@Humble Pie If he can't work with me on trying to spend time with me, it will likely be too hard to want to stay in the marriage. Before the EA, his average was 7 hours I suppose. Just after the depression, he changed to an average of 12 hours.
Game Addiction 
If he comes back from the separation, I can hope we have some sort of agreement with the game playing situation. Because I won't be able to handle it. I'm back at work, at school, lost some of the weight I gained, off the medication, feeling lot better about life, myself, etc.. I even been trying to play some of the games so that should he return, at least I can try to play with him a little time to spend time with him. I guess. We can afford to go really nice places again. He's just not back here yet for us to. 
