Re: maybe I shouldnt have married him, but I did
You suffer from severe low self esteem, thats why you continue to get into this unhealthy and dangerous situations with these men. People who have self esteem, and some self respect, and feel worthy do not allow them selves to continuly get themselves in these situations. I believe people can give off vibes of low self esteem and that is what creates these type of men to gravitate towards you. They know you are weak, and that you will put up with whatever crap they can dish out to you.
If you do NOT want this for yourself and your child(ren) you need to leave. You said you were estranged from your family. Is it because they felt you were making poor choices in men? If so, its time to listen to that. Do you have any friends or someplace like that you can go to? If not, you can check out a womens shelter.
My first wife was a bad drug addict, take it from me, you do NOT want to remain in that situation. You have to take care of you and your kids. No one else will. You can't take care of your kids if you are being beaten and choked, and you sure can't if you are dead.
Seek some help ASAP. Talk with someone about the situation. Do not be afraid. This is about survival for yourself and kids.
"When people are truly sick and tired of being sick and tired, that's when they will make a change."