maybe I shouldnt have married him, but I did - Talk About Marriage
Relationships and Addiction Whether it's drugs, alcohol, gambling, sex, pornography, or anything else, addictions can be detrimental to the health of a relationship.

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post #1 of 3 (permalink) Old 06-17-2012, 08:51 PM Thread Starter
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maybe I shouldnt have married him, but I did

Ok so on Monday I got married after being with my fiancee for almost 2 years. The whole time we were together I was waiting for my divorce from my ex to be complete. I have 2 small daughters and other than that, Im totally alone bc my own family has been estranged from me for 11 years. Im 36 years old and ex husband #2 was a alcoholic and I had been with him 8 long years and hated how that marriage was. DH #3 was a sex addict and cheater so thats why I was awaiting divorce from him. As I was, I had met "S". S was from another culture and is a Muslim, I am Catholic. I didnt see the big deal as ex#2 was jewish. So religion I can work around. But as time went on not very long either, me and S were living together in my home and he was showing all the signs of an ADDICT. I never dealt with a drug addict before, but I thoight different of him. After all, he was NOT a cheater and NOT into porn and treated me as the only one he wanted to sleep with ever. Well the DRUG addiction thing became hard for me. He convinced me he was in recovery thru the methadone maintenance treatment prog. True, I had never seen him do a street drug at all, but he would take a high daily dose of methadone from the clinic and then pop pills all day. Then he lets a friend move in thats a dirtbag from the clinic and they both start nodding off bad. the friend crashed and totaled my car. Then S gets violent badly, I have him locked up for domestic violence. I still somehow stayed in love with him but I was at a loss as to what to do anymore. I would cry and cry and he would push me around and smack me and hit me bc he was mixing methadone and tranquilizers and speed. I lived thru a nightmare I would rather forget. One night the violence stopped when he choked me and almost I had to go to the er bc I had pain on swallowing and bruises on my neck for a few days. Most of you are probably thinking WHY.
Well I still stayed. Bc I feared the alternative. Things calmed down a LOT when I found I was pregnant with our baby this past oct. we moved and he promised to stop using the tranquilizers. He did and thinks stabilized a lot more. I was sick and pregnant, and the relationship got better he stopped pushing me around but still couldnt trust him bc I was afraid he would use again behind my back. He would sell his pills still to my employees and that I didnt like either. Fast fwd to today. Im 9 mths pg and hes tried to convince me he stopped taking benzos and speed but he grabbed my wrist in the middle of the nite last night, says he was upset bc I accused him of using. I dont know what to believe anymore. We got married Monday. He promised things would be different. And in many ways it has. I no longer have to run my company, he took over but in a way I can also see what if thats a form of financial control hes trying. He haas nodded out a few times but then says its just fatigue. I try going to his family to tell them but they are foreign and its hard to get them to listen. I hired a lawyer before the marriage and he signed a prenup . I had to protect my wealth I was not about to get taken in the event this doesnt work out. I feel so alone sometimes. I dont know what to believe anymore. Sorry I just had to get this out
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post #2 of 3 (permalink) Old 06-18-2012, 10:16 AM
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Re: maybe I shouldnt have married him, but I did

You suffer from severe low self esteem, thats why you continue to get into this unhealthy and dangerous situations with these men. People who have self esteem, and some self respect, and feel worthy do not allow them selves to continuly get themselves in these situations. I believe people can give off vibes of low self esteem and that is what creates these type of men to gravitate towards you. They know you are weak, and that you will put up with whatever crap they can dish out to you.

If you do NOT want this for yourself and your child(ren) you need to leave. You said you were estranged from your family. Is it because they felt you were making poor choices in men? If so, its time to listen to that. Do you have any friends or someplace like that you can go to? If not, you can check out a womens shelter.

My first wife was a bad drug addict, take it from me, you do NOT want to remain in that situation. You have to take care of you and your kids. No one else will. You can't take care of your kids if you are being beaten and choked, and you sure can't if you are dead.

Seek some help ASAP. Talk with someone about the situation. Do not be afraid. This is about survival for yourself and kids.

"When people are truly sick and tired of being sick and tired, that's when they will make a change."
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post #3 of 3 (permalink) Old 06-18-2012, 11:44 AM
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Re: maybe I shouldnt have married him, but I did

My advice, GET OUT NOW! No IFs ANDS or BUTS about it!

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