Relationships and AddictionWhether it's drugs, alcohol, gambling, sex, pornography, or anything else, addictions can be detrimental to the health of a relationship.
My husband has problems with internet porn addiction.
I had him install a program, safeeyes, that sends me an email to notify me when he has attempted to view a porn site.
He says he wants to change, and I know he does because he confessed his addiction to me. I had no idea that he was spending on this time on porn sites.
When I asked him how I could help he stated that he wanted to be "kept on a very short leash" and be held accountable by being grounded, remove privileges - no internet, tv, meals out, etc., assigned chores, and scoldings.
OK. Now that I know, now what?
What should I do?
If he were 16 years old, I'd know how to punish him and correct his bad behavior.
I'm not sure what to do with him or how to correct childish behavior in an adult.
Have you considered an adult form of positive reinforcement? For example, take a sexy picture of yourself (doesn't have to be explicit if you are afraid to do that) and a note about what plans you have for him later on...IF he refrains from viewing porn.
You should not be the one doing this. He should have professional help. There are many websites, books, etc. about porn addiction - Patrick Carnes specializes in internet porn addiction and has a few books, both for the spouse and for the addict
If he's watching it and taking time away from you, the family, his job, etc... then OK, it is a problem.
But if he watches it because he doesn't have a regular sexual outlet (you), and it doesn't otherwise affect his marriagee or job, what's the problem?
I notice that the amount of porn I watch is directly related to how my sexual needs are met. If my wife and I are sexually active, I just don't watch porn. If we are not, I watch and take care of my own sexual needs.
He wants you to punish him like a child....that itself seems like it came from porn possibly. He must be watching porn that relates to that kind of punishment. Also, there is possibly a deeper issue going on with him. If he truly wants to be punished, then tell him his "punishment" is counseling. Call one yourself, and get an appt set up.
One of the things that always baffles me about men's porn addiction is their inability to separate fantasy from reality.
I really don't get it ,that a digital configuration can easily satisfy my human sexual desire. Yes it can arouse,but not satisfy.
Maybe its because I get bored relatively quickly.
I also wonder if women suffer any such addictions or anything like it.
Just asking.
I don't understand it either. When I "take care of myself", my imagination works great for me! I don't know any women that have a porn addiction. To satisfy my curiosity, I have checked and there are porn websites for women...I'd never pay money to join one though.
If he wants you to punish him, tell him you have taken the computer and his phone, he has no access to the internet. Bet he wont like that punishment! Seriously, call a counselor and get started right away. I would call someone who specializes in addictions.
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