My wife and I have been married for 10 years now and along the way there have been lots of ups and downs. Most of the downs my doing. We are in our mid 30s and I know full well that I still have a lot of problems from childhood that subconsciously I carry around with me. I am originally from the UK and growing up there I used to think nothing of going out with my mates and drinking four or five times a week. Drinking to get drunk and in many ways it was the only way that I could find comfort. Over the years, as a kid, the family home was for the most part a happy one. As time passed however, my brother and sister left home, my parents divorced so going home after the pub became quite a depressing part of the night. It used to feel like something in the house had died, the spirit or the love that was there before had been replaced by a sort of sadness that is difficult to describe on here.
Fast forward 10 years and here I am. Still drinking, albeit not on the same level. Sometimes I go a few weeks without going out drinking with my friends. The problem is, when I do go out, I can't keep to a couple of beers and the afternoon quickly turns into the evening and I find myself reverting back to the old days, with the same feelings of intense depression. I miss my family in the UK and so many emotions come to the fore when I start drinking. I know it is unfair on my wife who is tired of me putting drink first. She is alright with me going out for a beer, but on a day like yesterday when we found out whether we were going to have a boy or a girl, I caught up with a couple of friends and didn't roll up home until close to midnight completely hammered.
Why do I constantly take things that are so precious and wonderful to me and constantly do things to damage them? We have our life here with a wonderful little boy and a girl on the way, yet my mind can switch so quickly, one minute celebrating and enjoying a couple of beers and the next descending into a pretty sad emotional state. Like I said, I'm not drinking day in day out, but when I do, I can't seem to stop. Then I'll go a few weeks without another drink.
Well, I am rambling a bit, but I wanted to put this out there to see what other people think. I have spoken to somebody before about family, but that was a few years back and I wonder if it really helped all that much if I am still clutching onto emotions from so long ago. I don't want to sabotage and lose everything that I have.
Thanks.
Fast forward 10 years and here I am. Still drinking, albeit not on the same level. Sometimes I go a few weeks without going out drinking with my friends. The problem is, when I do go out, I can't keep to a couple of beers and the afternoon quickly turns into the evening and I find myself reverting back to the old days, with the same feelings of intense depression. I miss my family in the UK and so many emotions come to the fore when I start drinking. I know it is unfair on my wife who is tired of me putting drink first. She is alright with me going out for a beer, but on a day like yesterday when we found out whether we were going to have a boy or a girl, I caught up with a couple of friends and didn't roll up home until close to midnight completely hammered.
Why do I constantly take things that are so precious and wonderful to me and constantly do things to damage them? We have our life here with a wonderful little boy and a girl on the way, yet my mind can switch so quickly, one minute celebrating and enjoying a couple of beers and the next descending into a pretty sad emotional state. Like I said, I'm not drinking day in day out, but when I do, I can't seem to stop. Then I'll go a few weeks without another drink.
Well, I am rambling a bit, but I wanted to put this out there to see what other people think. I have spoken to somebody before about family, but that was a few years back and I wonder if it really helped all that much if I am still clutching onto emotions from so long ago. I don't want to sabotage and lose everything that I have.
Thanks.