DumbShat

Hi everyone,

There's really no feedback needed from this post. I would just like to describe to you the inner workings of an alchoholic....

No...this is not a troll....


Im 42. Yes, I'm an alcoholic.

I'm a high functioning alcholic. That means, you will never really know, unless I'm not careful.

You see, I'm good at my job. I go to work, and excel! I make a comfortable 6 figure salary. All my colleagues like me! I talk, I socialize, but I also get the job done.

that is, until 400 PM.

After that...it's game on!

6 beer, 8 beer, 5 whiskeys and coke. Doesn't matter. I'll pound them back in the space of one hour or less. Drive home before the buzz gets me. then I'm in bliss for the rest of the night. I will socialize with my wife. Play with my kids. Go shopping! Doesn't matter. I don't care! I'll just go with the flow.

Every single night! Not a day goes by that I won't drink! I don't think about it much during the day. I just know....4 oclock! Time to drink!

I'm sure my wife knows. How could she not! I mean...how do you mask that booze smell off your breath every night. You just can't, no matter how hard you try....gum, mints....it doesn't work. You smell like a booze still.

It got worse when I lost my job. No biggie. I had enough savings to last me for a long time. But how could I stretch my budget? I mean....I need the booze! As long as I had the booze, I'm awesome!

So...I started to brew my own! 20 dollars investment for 4 gallons of whiskey. 25$ for 5 gallons of beer. I mean...I really had a set up going in my garage. I had a still for my whiskey...with some oak casks to give it flavour. I had a pressurized filter for clearing my beer...so it looks just like store bought. Several batches going at the same time....it was Frakin awesome! I've never had so much booze in my life.

In my time off from work...I'd get up...make the kids' lunches...drive them to school....make my wife's lunch...give her a kiss...then send her off to work.

Time to drink! I'd drink from 9 am until 1pm. Then...take 8 Advil...have a snooze until 4PM. Wake up sober...go get the kids...make supper...wait for the wife to get home...reheat her supper...everyones' happy!

Kids to bed at 9PM at the latest....my wife at 10:30pm at the latest. I didn't work....so I stayed up until 2 or 3AM in the morning. Drinking...of course. Another 5 or six highballs or 8 to 10 beers. didn't matter. As long as I took 3 glasses of water and 8 advil before I went to sleep, I would wake up feeling great! Hangovers are for pu$$ys!

It cost me 20 dollars a batch! Fraking game on! I'm pratically drinking for free! Every afternoon...every night. Always sobering up enough to get the kids, make supper for the family....no one was the wiser.

the beauty of it was that i hardly cut into the savings to feed my addiction. I mean, really....25 dollars for 1 week of drinking...always having another batch brewing in the garage for the next weeks' imbibing. It was awesome!

Of course...I'm full of Shat! How could my wife not know I'm not drinking. I smell like shat. Not taking a shower for 3 days. Probably acting like an idiot. Sex was still regular...but I couldn't get off. I was too drunk! I made sure I pounded my wife until she came, then pretended I came because she likes to come with me.. But, no finishing for me.

who knows what else I was doing thinking! I was so smart hiding my alchoholism.

Yes....We are a pathetic bunch.

Then came my wake up call. No...nothing like the wife saying she will leave me. No accidents in the car killing someone.

You know what I did? I shat my pants! In public! Of all places!
I mean, I was pissed. But I had to go shopping. Get some groceries for the kids day camps, so they can eat. I skipped my usual snooze....left for the grocery store.

In the middle of the store...me as drunk as a dumb shat, such as my avatar name. It just happened. Couldn't stop it! It just came out!

Laugh if you must. It was probably pretty funny. Fortunately for me...I was close to the doors so I just left the store. I don't think anyone saw me....lol!

I got home....threw away my pants. Threw away my underwear. Had a shower. Got cleaned up..

Then I realized what a pathetic loser I was becoming. this from a guy who didn't touch an ounce of booze in 5 years just after graduating from college, trying to make a name for myself.

I'm a loser. Time to sober up. I dumped all the booze we have at the house...well, except for the wine. My wife drinks like once every two months...and she loves wine. Wine makes me have a gag reflex for some reason...so I will never touch that shat. We usually have two bottles in the cellar for guests and special dinners.

So...poured away the booze down the drain....dumped the batches of beer brewing in the garage. No more booze in the house that I like.

Hopefully, Im not such a loser that I will start making excuses to find booze. I found a new job, have some purpose...and am starting sober.

My wife....she never did complain...but I'm sure she knew. How could you not! We think we are being so clever....but the jokes on us! We are so stupid!

So...for those of you dealing with alchoholic spouses....don't rug sweep! Don't be an enabler! Just deal with your issues. I'm sure if my wife mentioned something...I would have called her controlling...that I have everything under control. but we don't. we are drunks. Don't enable us.

don't let that white elephant sit in the middle of your living room every night..thinking it will decide to go away on it's own eventually....someday.

That won't ever happen. Be strong. Tell off your spouse. Let them know that thier behavior is wrong..and destructive. Yes...you will probably get the third degree for trying to "control" them...but just don't ignore it.

Leave if you have to.

Just my piece.....

clarabarton

Thanks for your story! My husband is drinking too much--I feel he is or will soon be an alcoholic. I haven't posted my story on here yet, but have read a lot and it all helps. I won't tell it now either, it will take too long, but here's a bit....His drinking has gradually built over many years, but what has sent it over the top is he got laid off 5 years ago from a position he held for 30 years that had excellent pay. I was able to stay home for 16 years and raise our kids. He has had trouble finding work since. Lots of temp. jobs. A few school bus subbing jobs until the schools had budget cuts. When he does work, he's making not even a quarter of what he used to. It's sad. I initiate all the time lately, but many times, he's just like okay if you want to--but there's no enthusiasm like there used to be. Today he was like well okay we can go try (how sad is that). He says he wants me but doesn't know what is wrong with him and like you he now has trouble finishing, then of course he gets mad at himself....

His latest temp job ended 4 weeks ago. He has looked for work at most 2 of the days since and then only for maybe an hour each day. We can't make it on my salary. I am working 2 jobs. I work at home and can do any extra work there is, but there isn't always extra.....

He only drinks beer, he says it makes him happy, says he is not depressed when he is drinking. I think in the long run it makes him more depressed. As far as I can tell, he is now drinking on average a 12-pack every single day! I ask him about it once in a while but he gets defensive. I have never let on that I know how much he is now drinking, only that I think he may be drinking too much.

Our lives have changed so much. His job loss was nothing compared to what we are losing with his drinking! And no, no one else knows about his drinking. He spreads it out over the course of a day, so never is drunk (well I bet a breathalyzer may say different), but he doesn't slur his words, stumble, pass out or anything.

Just reading your story explained some of what is going on and how he feels, etc. So again I wanted to say thanks!

Your story opened my eyes some more

DumbShat

Yeah. I think I liked the buzz. I'm also from a family of alcoholics. I guess the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

My mom was the same way. A high functioning alcoholic. At least at the start for many years. Then she took a dive for the worse and didn't bother hiding her drinking anymore.

I did the usual college drinking. Then when I finished, I didn't touch the stuff for years.

Getting laid off was the worst. I had too much time on my hands. I did everything around the house drunk. Cut the grass. Paint the house. Fix things. It was more fun while I was drinking. I guess it's hard to explain why I needed to drink. I wasn't depressed. Had lots of savings, no money issues. I just liked to drink.

I knew I drank too much. And popping 16 Advil a day at the same time probably did wonders for my liver and kidneys, mixed with the alcohol damage. I always thought I'd just stop tomorrow.

Tomorrow just never came. Well...until I had my "accident". That sort of made me realize what a pathetic loser I was becoming. I mean...how screwed up do you have to be to crap your own pants! Lol.

I'm no expert on alcoholism. I just know my issues. I realize some people have it way worse.

For me...realizing my pathetic existence...and finding a job again, perhaps gave me a purpose to focus on. Just like out of college, I guess.

Again...don't be afraid to tell your husband about his drinking. Otherwise, your just enabling him. Of course...he will continue to deny your words. From my understanding, he will have to hit his own rock bottom before he commits to a change. Mine was pretty mellow compared to most, I'm sure.

Best of wishes to you.