Do I move his mom in or Leave

DartMom007 · 05-08-2009, 05:28 PM

My husband who knows that his mother and I do not get along wants to move her in. I'm a recovering addict and she is one of my buttons (he knows this). He feels guilty that he can't take care of his mother when he has room in his house to but she hates me and is demanding, easy to offend and opinionated. In a way I think he is punishing me secrectly. I have made it clear that she can't move in and why his reply then I'll take my money and pay for a senior citzen home for her. He is 1 of 4 children and the baby his brother & sister older have room also I don't see them jumping to the task. She brain washed his from a child. She expected him to come home from college and take care of her and he moved in with me. We did therapy for 4 years and he quit. Did help alittle I now speak my mind and don't internalize. Do I give up and let her win? or do I stand my ground and let the chips fall where they may?

Blanca · 05-08-2009, 09:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DartMom007

He feels guilty that he can't take care of his mother when he has room in his house to but she hates me and is demanding, easy to offend and opinionated....She brain washed his from a child. She expected him to come home from college and take care of her and he moved in with me.

Ya, my H went through this too. he felt obligated to pay for his mom and take care of her. and she brainwashed him into it. i dont get along with her either. i think she's an evil person. His mom bought an airline ticket to come visit once and my h didnt even ask me first. she has said soem really mean things about me. So i bought an airline ticket out, a one-way, and told him to make up his mind who he wanted in his life.

at the same time, i think its important that my h works through the guilt of needing to take care of her. i dont want to just ignore it. once she dies, that guilt could really eat at him. i want him to find a healthy way to take care of his mom while she is still here so he knows he did help her. i think that's really important. so i tend not to focus on that he cant help her, i try and help him focus on a healthy way to help her.

Sensitive · 05-08-2009, 11:29 PM

I have a mother in law who always stays with us on her visits, and I tolerate her, but don't like having her around at all. Fortunately, my husabnd doesn't want her to move in either. If he insisted, I know my life would be miserable and I would have to move away, and get a divorce. Your spouse should be the number one person in your life.