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Relationships and Addiction Whether it's drugs, alcohol, gambling, sex, pornography, or anything else, addictions can be detrimental to the health of a relationship.

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Old 12-22-2007, 08:52 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Thumbs down Smoke

This isn't completely terrible or bad for the relationship but are there any couples out there where one spouse smokes and the other wishes he or she wouldn't.
My husband is a smoker probably close to 2 packs every other day. I use to smoke but quit when our first baby was conceived.
My husband smokes in our basement which doesn't bother me you can't smell it in the house part thankfully enough.
I would just rather he quit but when I do bring it up he gets FURIOUS about it and tells me to mind my business or live with it--theres no way he'll quit.
The sad part is his mother died last year and she was a smoker up until the day she passed. For the first 3 years that I knew her she had a really horrible hacking cough You'd think my husband would see whats happened and he'd want to get healthy...no such luck.
He doesn't have any signs of his health getting bad--hes smoked since he was 17 hes 36 now. I've known people younger then him who are smokers that have really nasty coughs from it Thankfully he doesnt.
Does anyone have any advice on how to help him or coax him to quit. Surely I have SOME say in this addiction (money, the kids NEED him and should have him around for as long as possible, he misses out on time with the kids and me when hes down in the basement smoking and surfing...)
Thank you!!
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Old 12-22-2007, 10:22 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Nothing you say will make him quit, he needs to quit for the right reasons, being his own. Doctors now a days warn patients once or twice, but the problem is his alone and only if he sees it as a problem. Maybe if you find a way to reward him for cutting down or quitting it can help.

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Old 12-23-2007, 02:08 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Since he was a smoker when you married, there should be no sudden push for him to quit. Your intent to quit smoking when pregnancy and children entered a marriage should have been discussed long before you married him.

You married a smoker and his stopping was not part of the marriage.
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Old 12-23-2007, 03:50 PM   #4 (permalink)
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It is always a good idea to quit smoking. But you should have thought of this before you married. There is know way you can force a person to guit. They have to really want to quit. And that is not easy.
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Old 12-23-2007, 05:12 PM   #5 (permalink)
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I would agree that he won't quit until he is ready. That being said I know people that have quit when their children got old enough to say that they were afraid that their parents were going to die because they smoked and it seems that this always happens at one time or another when you have kids.
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Old 12-23-2007, 09:23 PM   #6 (permalink)
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I would agree that he won't quit until he is ready. That being said I know people that have quit when their children got old enough to say that they were afraid that their parents were going to die because they smoked and it seems that this always happens at one time or another when you have kids.

This happens more now a days because of school education, however add stress and they just want to smoke more.

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Old 12-24-2007, 11:58 PM   #7 (permalink)
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"Since he was a smoker when you married, there should be no sudden push for him to quit. Your intent to quit smoking when pregnancy and children entered a marriage should have been discussed long before you married him.

You married a smoker and his stopping was not part of the marriage."


What about for me, when I was dating my husband, he promised he'd quit, and I believed him, and now he makes NO effort anymore to quit. I married him believing he'd quit...
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Old 12-25-2007, 02:09 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Actually you married him believing he'd try. From what you said he has tried. Does he work more then 40 hours? It is often men that work more then 40 hours have a hard time quitting.

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Old 12-26-2007, 03:16 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by freeshias4me View Post
"Since he was a smoker when you married, there should be no sudden push for him to quit. Your intent to quit smoking when pregnancy and children entered a marriage should have been discussed long before you married him.

You married a smoker and his stopping was not part of the marriage."


What about for me, when I was dating my husband, he promised he'd quit, and I believed him, and now he makes NO effort anymore to quit. I married him believing he'd quit...
If he promised he would quit then it seems you are in a marriage that YOU didn't agree to and it's time to make some serious decisions. If he said he would TRY and he has, then he has lived up to his end of the bargain. I am sure his trying was not intended to be a permanent state of existence for him. Once he's done trying, he has fulfilled his promise.
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Old 12-29-2007, 09:07 AM   #10 (permalink)
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I always said I wouldn´t even date a smoker! When I met my girlfriend, she was a smoker! She even looked sexy smoking. I fell in love. I never told her to quit, but she quit on her own, and now she realizes how bad is to be around smokers and their smell!
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Old 12-29-2007, 10:59 PM   #11 (permalink)
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You quit because you knew it was the only thing to do. He'll either quit in his own time or not, but it has to be because he wants to. I have a friend who smoked until she was in her early forties and then quit - never to smoke again.

A person has to be in "in the right place" to quit, and if now is a stressed out time for him it isn't the time to quit. Maybe sometime later he'll be calmer and more able to quit.
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Old 12-31-2007, 11:52 AM   #12 (permalink)
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It is always good to support him in trying but not to try to force him into it.

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Old 12-31-2007, 06:26 PM   #13 (permalink)
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They have to want to quit, there really isn't much you can do to change their mind otherwise.
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Old 01-02-2008, 01:42 PM   #14 (permalink)
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The real desire of quiting has to be in them! Otherwise, they´ll cheat and smoke in hinding places. Forcing it would be an even harder thing for the smoker. Good luck.
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Old 04-14-2008, 01:05 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Since the warm weather is coming, tell him that the smoke is making your home smell...you've spent a lot of time trying to get the smell out and would he please smoke only outside. I see a lot of people in my neighborhood going outside to smoke. Then maybe if he has to go outside, he wont smoke as much. Good luck !
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