Relationships and AddictionWhether it's drugs, alcohol, gambling, sex, pornography, or anything else, addictions can be detrimental to the health of a relationship.
Hi, I am new here, dont know where to start. here it goes, my husband has been playing online games for years. this never really bothered me . i trusted him wholeheartedly. he has alot of friends he games with, including my 16 year old son. they played all the time. they had a mutual friend on the game and she gave my son advice alot and she used to call the house and i have even talked to her. i had a gut feeling something was up, her and my husband were conversing alot by text and cell phone..he never hid that. when everything came out, he told me she wanted to come visit and he told her no. he didnt need that in his life. but i also found out there was another friend whom he sent flowers to. and since then they were texting from the time he got up till he went to bed. we work oppisite shifts so he played the game when i wasnt home and when i was. he says they are just friends but i dont buy it. he said he sent flowers cause he felt sorry for her and to thank her for talking him into staying home. he thought i didnt want him anymore which i told him isnt so. i love my husband and this was a shocker. i cannot accept him conversing with these two women. the one who was coming for visit wanted more than friendship and the other who knows. she is a single mom with kids. knows he ismarried but continued to text all the time. my husband dont play the game when im home but dont know when im not. the texting has ended from what i can see. but now he feels uncomfortable at home. he gets angry and wont talk. he says hewants marriage to work , we are in counseling but says the anger has to stop or we wont make it. he says he is angry because he thinks i didnt want him till he was ready to leave. he thinks im trying to control him by me not wanting him to converse with his friends. i told him if he needs these women in his life it will be without me. i cant share my husband as he conversed with them more than he did me and his time was spent on game. i told him he needs to talk to me and send me flowers. i want the game out of my life. any thoughts please....
This all depends on how "demanding" you have been up to this point. As an example, if my husband told me it was the game or him....I would pick the game hands down....because I am tired of him TELLING me what I should do or don't do. Now that I have found something to occupy my time while he was away from the family and neglecting us....he wants all my time to be focused on him....too bad(but thats just me, I have had enough of that).
Do you make time so he can talk to you? or is he turning to the game because you are not available to talk? Working opposite shifts is never a good thing in a relationship(again, just my opinion), you never have time for each other, and when you do, its always the "have to" things you try to accomplish instead of just being together. Is it possible for one of you to switch shifts so you CAN spend time together?
Hi again, no I have not been demanding. Im not that way until thisand this is the first thing i have been demanding about. he says it was an escape from how things were. we did grow apart, meaning we werent as close as we were in the beginning because we dont see each other that much. we chose separate shifts so there would always be someone home with our kids. there almost out of school now and yes i told him i would go to his shift so we could spend more time together. he didnt seem that thrilled, he said it would be a big change. we have 2 days off together but most ofit was spent with him playing the game and me doing laundry and housework. no real quality time together. our son plays the game with him so it was their time together. wedidnt take the time for us...big mistake. i tried to adapt to his schedule on our days off and its tuff to do for 2 days then go back to my schedule. Bottom line is he has never told me what to do and i have never told him what to do. we did and still do respect one another. ive explained to him how i feel betrayed by him sending flowers to another woman and conversing with them all day and night. you dont do that when your married it only leads to trouble in my opinion. he doesnt text any of his male friends . before this started, our cell phones were usually laying on the counter unless we left home, now he carries his in his pocket at all times even takes it to bed with him. i find that odd too if they are just friends. so yes on this issue i guess i am demanding, all contact has to be stopped. which includes the game or we will never make it.
help....is there a solution. Hubby dont play game, i can tell he is miserable . if he plays, im miserable . will i ever get passed the feeling of who is he talking to if he plays. i dont know how to get passed it. in the same token, i dont want him to try to be someone he isnt if that makes any sense.can any one relate to how i feel?
He is miserable when he doesn't play because he is addicted. Just like any other addiction, when you take it away (drugs, alcohol, games or porn) the person suffering with the addiction is GOING to be miserable for a period of time.
Perhaps some counseling will help him nip it in the bud? I think some counseling just for you might do some good as well. Set some bounderies, maybe find a new hobby that you can do together as a couple. Let him know that you will not tolerate being substituted for a game. Let him know you are there and NEED him to be there too.. not in game land away from you.
I can totally relate to how you feel. With my H it's porn AND games. (damn the xbox).. I know you don't want to change the person he is.. but the person playing these games all the time is not him. I think you know that.
Hope everything works out for you. Wish you the best.
SB
I feel for you! The gaming is an OCD thing without a doubt. Counseling for him would be a great place to start. I put up with that for years. My ex spent hours gaming. He wouldn't ever spend time with me; I can remember trying to have conversations while he was playing. He had to have custom made gaming computers and would stay up until midnight or 1am playing games. He then had the nerve to complain about our sex life (or lack there of)! These women your husband is communicating with are also probably addicted to gaming. They tend to emotionally support each others habit.
online gaming mess
