Relationships and AddictionWhether it's drugs, alcohol, gambling, sex, pornography, or anything else, addictions can be detrimental to the health of a relationship.
I'm a 20 year old stay at home mom and wife, and I have a very bad online flirting problem. I know its wrong, and the guilt eats at me, but I feel like my husband doesnt show me enough attention and my flirting is taking a toll on my marriage, and I want to save what is left. I need help and advice on how to stop my online flirting, and how to bring the spark back into my marriage to where I dont have to turn to another man for the attention I long for. Please help!
I had an online flirting addiction that interfered with my marriage. What finally cured me was I created a drama, and other members attacked me. I felt miserable for days, and then I went on vacation, where I was internet-free. When I got home, I felt liberated, I had no more urge to chat with online men. This gave me a clearer conscience and I then convinced hubby to go to counseling with me.
Another key thing I am now aware of is that I must place my husband as a top priority. As mothers, we often shift our attentions to our children, and we forget about taking care of our husbands.
Another key thing I am now aware of is that I must place my husband as a top priority. As mothers, we often shift our attentions to our children, and we forget about taking care of our husbands.
Yes, and if husbands have to place their wives as a top priority, it's win/win
well may I ask how long have you been married and at what age did you have your child?
While I am a self confessed major flirt myself, so is my wife and we are very used to our ways.
but if your hubby gets jealous well that could be trouble.
Also your age is trouble, you have not sewn your "wild oates" yet, I mean you are only 20, not much bar hopping or wild college party life there.
you are at a age where you want to go out and be a bit wild. very tough position you are in right now. Can someone watch your child or children while you and your hubby go out?
**im obsessiveflirter...jus made another account, didnt like the screen name once i made a post LOL**
Ive been married to my husband Sept will be 3 years. Ive been with him for 4 years tho. we've been together since I was 16. I left home at 17, quit school and moved in with him cause my parents decided to move 70 miles away. I had my son a few weeks after I turned 19. Young age I know. I dont feel comfortable leaven my son with anyone. My husband's mom and grandma are the only ones that would be able to watch him and I wouldnt feel comfortable leaven him there. His mom is a chain smoker and his brother is on drugs real bad so he comes and goes and sneaks people in the house.
I dont really see it as "rough". I wouldnt change a thing thats happen the last 4 years, except all the fights we've had, but fighting is normal in relationships. My son is a blessing, and has made me stronger as a woman. He was unexpected but not a mistake. I will work on my education when my son starts school. He comes first in my life. I may not be on the "high horse" I was on while living at home, but Im happy the way I live, and I know I made bad choices in the past few years, but things didn't turn out so bad. Thanks for all your advice!
sorry to hear this, these were poor decisions and your parents moving did not help matters.
If I were you I would try to get as much education as possible, becuase you are so far behind the 8 ball it's not funny.
I really wish you the best of luck, but this many problems at the age of 20 and already having children...that is rough.
get your self as much education as possible.
Wow that seemed a little harsh. I was a young Wife and Mom and do not regret a minute of it. I have no advice about the flirting. It's definitely something you should avoid. Just don't isolate yourself in the house. I know how easily that can happen. I agree education is a great idea. You definitely need a break from the house and being Mommy. Even if its only for an hour. Happy wife happy life! Good luck to you!
sorry if I sound Hash, but that is the reality of it.
4% of women, yes I said, 4% that have children before finishing college, ever finish college. 96% never get anymore education except a few classes.
I see it every day down here in Georgia, young mom's witht heir kids at school trying to help out, telling me and my wife how they wish they went to college first.
When you son starts school, you will need after care, sports, etc....kids cost allot of money.
I just want you to know I didn't come from wealth, I work extremely ahrd for my education, I paid my own way through college, I was also in the Military but I knew it was important for my future that I earn that degree. I was also important my wife earn her degree. That is why we dated 7 years.
I made it clear there would be no marriage or kids until we had finished our college and had careers, I am proud to say my wife is the top earner in our family and only works 30 hours a week. But she put her time in and gets paid very well.
Having a family is wonderful, but having no roof or struggling to put a roof over their heads and food in their mouths is not "living" it's surviving.
Sorry if i sound harsh but that is reality, our stress comes from many outside sources, education and financial resources are two big ones.
We have a strong solid marriage becuase we put the effort in when we met and were young to control our destiny.
Once you ahve children that control is compromised. While you do not need a college education to increase your $$, find a career that you like and enjoy and "grow into it" by getting as much education geared for that job.
Say a Pharmacist Technician, you can make a nice $$ without a degree, but you neeed to take some classes and get a certificate.
Get a job with a company that promotes educating yourself and use it to your advantage.
You are very young and you have a long life ahead of you.
Think about it this way, your child will graduate High School before you turn 40. I turn 40 in January, my oldest is entering 6th grade. Plus I still have 25 year until retirement and already have 500K in my 401K, I'm no genius, but I started my 401K at the age of 18 with a retail company I had and put the max away while I was young.
You are still very young, put yourself in a position to suceed in life, don't expect your husband to do it, YOU DO IT! My wife has a great career should I die tomorrow, I know that my wife and kids will do fine the rest of their lives.
Don't think about it, don't worry about it, DO IT!
I didnt grow up with a "silver spoon" in my mouth...we lived pay check to pay check, as most families do. Im not at the bottom of the pile, im in the middle class. My biological father is living proof that you dont need an education to make something for yourself, my step-dad is also living proof you dont education to make something of yourself. My dad is a master certified machanic...he has no hs diploma, no college experience, but yet, hes master certified. My step-dad droped out of highschool 2 weeks befor he was to graduate. He's now the owner of a grocery store and has been in the business since he was 19. So really, this day in age, an Education isnt going to get you anywhere. My family has a roof over their head, we're not struggling to pay bills. We live from pay check to pay check, but I can honestly say, none of our bills are behind, our rent is ALWAYS paid 2-3 days befor its due.
Im gonna say this, and I hope no one takes it offensive, but, I cant stand people that have an education and come off at the ones that dont have one, thinkin they are better then them. Theres a bunch of people in my home town that are young mothers with no education that are doing quite well on their own. It was MY CHOICE not to finish school, it was MY CHOICE to get married young and start a family, no my child wasnt planed but he sure as hell aint a mistake. Im so tired of people trying to push "Education" on me. I enjoy being a stay at home mom and wife. My husband wont let me work, he would rather me be at home with our child. Most people dont realize, but if some reason you get into a bind, family is ALWAYS there to help. So this is what I have to say to the "high priced Educatied" people that think they are better then the ones without an education..... TAKE YOUR EDUCATION AND SHOVE IT! Just because you live your life to certain standards, doesnt mean everyone has to live that way.
remind me to not mention to you whether or not i finished school.
i agree with some of what you say.
good for you for working so hard at such a young age to make your life what you want it to be.
as for the internet problem: maybe because you're alone with your child most of the day you simply miss adult interaction.
and lord knows there's plenty of 'adult interaction' online.
maybe there are other young mothers in your neighborhood you could socialize with.
also, you say: 'to where I dont have to turn to another man for the attention I long for.'
respectfully, you don't 'have to' turn to another man, you 'want to'.
you may want to flip your thinking around and first turn towards your husband for attention and maybe then you'll not feel the need to seek out attention from other men.
Amber Lynn you totally took the words out of my mouth after reading GA's posting about education. It is not for everyone. I am with you girl. I am 27 SAHM of 3 girls ages 7,4, and 2. My 7 yr old is in school and my 4 yr old is in preschool. My 2 yr old turns 3 in september and she will start the same preschool. I have enjoyed being a SAHM for my entire marriage and would not trade it for ANYTHING! I am excited however for my baby girl to start preschool so I can go to nursing school. She is so sad every morning when her sisters go to school and she is really ready for school. I am not shoving her into school too early or whatever so I can fullfill my life...she is asking for it. And, if we are wrong and she does not do well, I will drop school in a second and come back home with her. My children come first (after my DH of course) and then me. I will have plenty of time to go to school if I want to after they are in school.
As far as the flirting...it is the plague honey. Get far away from it. It is horribly wrong and cheats you, your DH and the men you flirt with. YOU ARE A TEASE! What if you are flirting with someone's husband or daddy??? And they get so excited by your "flirting" it entices them to go out and really be with someone??? It is just wrong honey. Your DH should fullfill you. He can and will if you will let him. You need to work on you.
Secondly, Please do not class me with the Privelaged people. An Education, does not mean "college" per say, your father who is a master Mechanic, that is a "education" that is a skill, Education does not have to be defined as "school" as I said, it can be a skill, Mechanic, Technician, lab Technician, Real estate agent, etc. There are many careers where you do not need a college degree, I do not measure ones intellect by a piece of paper, I measure by how they are able to change with the variables that life throws at them, they are able to change and mold them selves to do well at what they enjoy. So your father, the master Mechanic, he does it because he loves it, he is exceptional at his craft, he is what I am talking about. He is the best at his craft. he does not "wing it" he does not "get by" he increases his knowledge for his career. Grab any college professor and ask them to replace a waterpump in a car and they will look at you like you had two heads, not becuase they think less, but becuase they do not know how....big difference.
Thirdly, While I worked my tush off for my Education, I worked two jobs while attending my University, I was Also in the US Army. I paid every single bill that came my way, I came from a mother whose husband died when I was a year old and she had 5 children to feed, pay a mortgage, pay the bills and she had a HS education only. This was in the 70's when woman had little to no oppurtunities before them, the best job she could get was a secretary, there was no day care in the 70's, thre was no welfare, no government assistance.....nothing. But she did it see struggled to keep a roof over our heads, to feed us, to clothe us. I saw her "lose it" I saw her struggle, I saw her cry and scream and yell, I saw her pain, she was doing her best for her children.
My education speech is about empowering you. You spend your time online flirting with other men, why?? becuase your bored with life.
your 20 years old, I don't expect you to realize what your life will be like in 20 years. Do you really think you will be with the same man? more children? Where will you be financially? Living paycheck to paycheck is great when you ahve something to fall abck on. What happens if your husband loses his job? Do you have savings to feed your child? To pay the mortgage? or do you expect your family to do it? What if they can't? What if they lose there jobs? I had a neighbor a great guy, he worked as a machinist for 30 something years, he got laid off from his job, wife didn't work. He died of a heart attack a couple of months later. No savings, no income, no insurance. At the age of 55 his wife has to go find a job with no experience. She is losing her house because they had no insurance, no savings. They lived pay check to pay check.
my harsh reality is, that you need to stop this online flirting and do something. It's a indirect method of telling you, you need to change your ways or you will end up with an affair, a broken marriage, living under your parents roof when you are 30, or even worse, out on the streets.
you can call me a stuck up snob if you want, but I worked extremely hard to get where I am at and I am very proud of what I have achieved in my life and I done it all on my own.
I just know at the age of 20 I really had no clue what I really wanted from life, I knew I wanted ot have a family, But i also knew I did not want to struggle like my mother did raising us, I wanted a better life for my children.
So think about that, what do you want for your child? Stop teh online flirting and focus on your family and your future.
also bear in mind that this flirting that may start harmless can go too far and ruin a marriage - this happened to me and my 15+ year marriage despite all my efforts to wean her off !
Im quiet proud of myself, and I thought I would update everyone thats posted on this thread.. Ive been flirt free with other men now for 3 months or so.. I havent had the desire to flirt with someone online. My marriage is gettin stronger day by day, tho there's still trust issues, we are working on the kinks, even took a week family vacation to the beach last week with our son. We're making plans to move to a bigger home further out of town away from the drama that his family brings to us. Its a work in progress, but I do think Im doing A LOT better then before.
Addicted to online Flirting...
