carolinagirl99

i really don't know where to begin, I am 31 yrs old i have been married 13 yrs and a mother of 2 boys , my marriage started out great but the last 4 yrs have been awful, my husband gets drunk mostly on weekends and emotionally abuse me, calls me every name in the book , threatens me sometimes i have been scared to go to sleep when he was drinking, i have been online chatting with a guy for 8 months and i never thought we would have kept talking this long, i feel close to him feel like i can accomplish anything because of his encouragment, i feel like a fauilure in my husband eyes , he pulled a knife on me one time, i wanted to leave with the boys but i was so scared , he has recently said he was going to stop drinking , he has slacked off but still drinks and talks mean to me mostly when he is drunk, next day he says he don't remember half what he says, i am so ashamed i been online chatting with this guy, i can't seem to quit talking to him, but i don't want to tare my family apart or hurt my children, they are my life, i am a stay at home mom and my husband don't want me to work i think he scared i will cheat, i feel so stuck and so controlled , he tells me to just shut up he gets last word , and he don't want to listen to my mouth , and if we run out of something in the house god forbid i will hear it , i feel like if we run of of toliet paper i will get cursed out and told thats my job thats why i am a stay at home mom, idk what to think of my life anymore other than i love my kids and don't want them to be hurt by my online chatting , i have no one to talk to plz any advise

Blanca

You're in survival mode. dont beat yourself up. you found something that makes you happy and takes you out of the nightmare you're in. You are not a bad person for wanting to be happy. but keep in mind that right now you're only finding temporary happiness and its riddled with guilt and shame. dont you want to find complete happiness? something you dont have to feel ashamed of?

i dont know if you've heard of a group called al-anon. It is a free meeting with mostly women who are in situations very much like yourself. Welcome to Al-Anon and Alateen

No one there will judge you because they have been in your shoes and they know exactly how you feel. Hopefully they can help you find the answers.

__________________

preso

wow so sorry to read that.
you really need to get away from him before he hurts you.

if you have family or friends to help you, you are blessed as thats just awful. If you have no family or friends, you need to try to make some friends and also look in your community at womens shelters that may help you
to get on your feet and away from him.

don't delay.

GAsoccerman

set up a video camera for when he drinks and record secrectly when he is mean to you. Then show it to him when he is sober.

Tell him to join AA and quite drinking or you are filing for divorce and taking the kids with you.

Either he seeks help and gets his life on track or you are gone.

Kids and safety come first.

Sensitive

Please find immediate help. Go to a shelter, they are designed for people in abusive situations with no alternatives. Can you imagine what would happen if your husband caught you chatting with another man? I am also hopeful that your husband has not been abusive to the kids. Save yourself, save your kids.

betrayedbyaranger

I am a victim of emotional/psychological abuse and have been for 2.5 yrs. I have been a counselor for almost 5yrs and let me tell you it is odd being on the 'other' side of the fence! It is them, not you and find hope and strength in knowing you are and can do better

preso

you should look into going to a womens shelter

Everlasting Hope

:)

Everlasting Hope

Please get away from him or stop the chatting because if or when he finds out it may get from emotional to physical.

Loving Husband

Man this is the real abuse. my wife needs to read up on the true nature of emotionally abusing somebody. I would never curse or degrade my wife like that. You need to get out.. Once the knife came out you should have taken the kids and left. I really do feel for you..

mea_3

You do not in any way need to be a victim of emotional abuse. And please by all means know his actions are NOT YOUR FAULT!! In most states you can seek an order of protection to keep your H away from you and the kids. This sort of abuse leaves deep scars. Not only for you but your children. He needs help right away.. and so do YOU in order to get away from him and be protected. Do you have any family or friends who can help you out?

Lumpy

for the sake of your kids, leave the guy. Emotional abuse hurts trust me, i for one have never been hit but words hurt, your a human being dont let him treat you like a dog. my bf has blacked out while drinking he got into a fight with my brother threatened him with a knife and hammer, so I kicked his ass he walked around with a black eye (no one messes with my family , he is my boyfriend my responsibility my brother shouldn’t have to deal with his ass), i should have left then, its been 6 months of arguing, and im constantly apologizing to him about everything because im afraid he will hurt me emotionally for something so little as not doing the dishes. Lucky for me we have no kids, but im attached to this person who I believe will change. You get to a point where its like you’re a dog and he constantly hits you with a bone, and then he tries giving you the bone your afraid and wont don what he wants soo he hits you again. When he is in a good mood, hes such a good person, a perfect boyfriend but once you do that one little thing that throws him off your **** to him.

lisakifttherapy

I have to agree with most of the people here who are suggesting you get out now. You and your kids are potentially in not only physical danger - but the emotional and psychological toll is scarring to you and most importantly your kids who do not have a say in the matter.

Your boys are learning some very unfortunate lessons about relationships, how men treat women and how women allow themselves and their families to be treated. This is a serious matter.

Here's a number you can call for more information about your options and to get additional support.

Domestic Violence National Hotline
1-800-799-SAFE

I know this must be really hard - keep using whatever support you have and perhaps try to expand your circle while you go through this.

__________________
Lisa Brookes Kift, MFT

Author The Premarital Counseling Workbook for Couples - and
The Marriage Refresher Course Workbook for Couples

Creator of The Toolbox at LisaKiftTherapy.com
Marriage, Relationship and Emotional Health

peggy

It sounds like it's only a matter of time before the abuse becomes physical. Since he has already pulled a knife on you, there's no telling what he's capable of. Get out ASAP with your kids. That's what women's shelters are for. If he wants his family back, he'll do the work to make it so. If not, then you did not lose anything because you didn't truly have anything.

lost2010

Oh Honey! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE get out of there! Friends, family, shelter, anything. This screams at me that matter will unfold to get worse than the already horrible things you are dealing with. YOU DO NO DESERVE TO BE TREATED THIS WAY. You need to tell yourself that. Everyday. The chatting is understandable rrelease from what you are dealing with but please be careful- tread soflty until you are out of that house! (or he is out of it- whichever)