rider

I have been reading and there are a bunch of posts like this, but i will give you my lowdown.

I have an extreme addiction to sex, look for it constantly, invades my thoughts, lately it has been affecting my work life in the form of a porn addiction taking up all my work hours (i work from home and from a private office).

What really worries me lately is that apparently i am waking up in the middle of the night and groping my wife in my sleep, alcohol aggravates this, so I stopped drinking during the weekdays, but it still goes on. I have ZERO reccolection of all of this and therefore cannot think of ideas to stop it.

My relationship with my wife has been totally physical in my mind lately, and this has been ruining the relationship.

I also drink too much and occasionally smoke pot and take pain killers. The pain killers are kind of addicting, but the pot is a monthly type thing (i am 26).

I have a great wife, great job, two loving kids (2 and 4) and everything on the outside looks cheery. After coming to this forum and reading up though, I am worried about over sexualization and porn addiction. When i think about sex lately my pulse rate changes, etc. That has never happened before.

Everything is more or less OK right now but the addiction is a MAJOR strain on my marraige. I want to quit the porn and find a way to address the urges in a more healthy manner. So i guess the questions is:

Has anyone else on here gone through quitting porn? I am thinking of having my wife install and password protect our PC's. But I work in computers so I don't think it will work.

Anyone else had nightime groping issues?

What do you guys do to get better? Sex anonymous, therapy? My wife and i are in debt (another addiction) and climbing out, so money is an issue right now. (though i would sell my extra car to kick this).

Any input is appreciated, i need to kick these habits before it affects my work or ruins my marriage. I do love my wife, and want this to get better. Today is the first time i have realized how many of our problems are my fault.

preso

on ships, the men are often given salt peter, you should ask your doctor about taking a regualr small dose and taking it until you get some therapy so you can think stright and find ways to deal with
your obsession while your mind is not clouded in porn and sex.

rider

Well harr, ye matey! I guess i could just smoke a bunch of pot until then, has a similar effect (j/k).

I have contacted several counselors. It seems that most of them are very religiously affiliated though (i do live in west michigan which has the most churches per capita in the US).

I just want to solve my problems without evangelists in the room!

preso

the problem with pot is it will ruin all your motivation including finding ways to help yourself.
not a good idea

and you do need something to curb your sex drive until you can seek professional help.
fist stop should be your family doctor, tell them you want someothing that does the opposite of viagra without making you
a blithering idiot...
and ask for refereal to someone for help as to how and why this addiction has gotten so bad.

rider

Was kidding about the pot. And though i don't like the idea of off-label use of prescription drugs, I am losing some hair and it seems that propecia is the best of the off label inhibitors. So i might check that out.

My urges are completely controllable and i am on a journey to knock porn out of my life which i think is a big factor here, and also to focus on intimate moments with my wife instead of physical moments, i will post that progress as it happens.

What makes me feel terrible is the whole night time groping issue, my wife just shrugs it off and says that she just pushes me away and that i cannot help it as i am asleep. But it's the whole issue of me not having the ability to control the behavior.

My wife and i have been involved in more heightened sexual activities lately, sex toys, lingerie, etc. But i think that is normal as long as it is treated properly (and especially normal for a maturing relationship with 2 kids, spice is good). For instance my wife has some persitent nausea and so we will occasionally use a vibrator when she wants to be intimate but is not physically able to engage in partner sex. But when you read reviews on some of those sites and then get involved a bit in the culture of toys, it is a trigger for me.

It's a lot of things that i will be talking about at some SAA meetings and with a counselor. Just thought i would begin my admittance and rambling here!

rider

Also, could you provide a little background on this? Is it from personal experience that you recommend a medicinal cure? This seems to not be the reccomendation of the doctors and therapists that i have researched and corresponded with today.

I have been sexual active at this level for over a decade and the only problems i have had are infidelity (though not in my marraige), porn, and constantly wanting sex - which strains the marriage.

I don't post here because i fear that i will endanger others, but because i want to provide a better environment for my marriage, i just didn't think that drugs were the answer for this one.

preso

many of the anti depressants have the side effect of stopping sex drive, I know this not from personal experience but professional experience as a medical professional.
They will do nothing about making bad choices or infidelity.
Drugs in combination with therapy has a high success rate...

martino

You have it together enough to work and raise kids right? forget the anti-depressants and learn to manage your behaviors.

Start systematically reducing everything until it is nearly non-existant. You have addictions (porn is the least serious imo) what are addictions? behaviors with negative consequences. Reduce or stop them if you can and reward yourself with healthier alternatives (vacation, new car etc)

Google search: Self behavior management authors like: Howard Rachlin and Aubrey Daniels, they teach real solutions to these problems in their books.

MarkTwain

Sex and porn addiction are a sure-fire sign you're addicted to the dopamine rush. I bet you love your coffee too? Dopamine is the neurotransmitter of anticipation and fulfilment. It's a roller-coaster, but healthy when kept within limits. The fact that you want to do something about it will gradually bring about a change.

The best thing I can suggest, other than taking responsibility as martino says, is to practise meditation. This will boost serotonin without boosting dopamine, and you will start to feel more content.

__________________
MT
See me on: www.marriagesatsang.com

martino

And there you go, meditation would be a healthy alternative BEHAVIOR to porn and other destructive habits. Our lives are behavior patterns for better or worse. You need to create a new history of behaviors that have more desirable consequences. If I sound like i'm simplifying it is because it is simple.