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Relationships and Addiction Whether it's drugs, alcohol, gambling, sex, pornography, or anything else, addictions can be detrimental to the health of a relationship.

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post #31 of 129 (permalink) Old 03-04-2013, 03:20 PM
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Re: Not an alcoholic but

Quote:
Originally Posted by joe kidd View Post
Sounds like you drink out of boredom. I know the feeling. "nothing to do so I might as well kill those beers in the fridge".
I like to drink. I just don't drink as much anymore.
thats where im at.
dont drink anything like i did a couple years ago. night and day difference.
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post #32 of 129 (permalink) Old 03-09-2013, 01:54 PM
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Re: Not an alcoholic but

Honesty is the key.

Answer YES or NO to the following questions.

1 - Have you ever decided to stop drinking for a week or so, but only lasted for a couple of days?
Most of us in A.A. made all kinds of promises to ourselves and to our families. We could not keep them. Then we came to A.A. A.A. said: "Just try not to drink today." (If you do not drink today, you cannot get drunk today.)
Yes No

2 - Do you wish people would mind their own business about your drinking-- stop telling you what to do?
In A.A. we do not tell anyone to do anything. We just talk about our own drinking, the trouble we got into, and how we stopped. We will be glad to help you, if you want us to.
Yes No

3 - Have you ever switched from one kind of drink to another in the hope that this would keep you from getting drunk?
We tried all kinds of ways. We made our drinks weak. Or just drank beer. Or we did not drink ****tails. Or only drank on weekends. You name it, we tried it. But if we drank anything with alcohol in it, we usually got drunk eventually.
Yes No

4 - Have you had to have an eye-opener upon awakening during the past year?
Do you need a drink to get started, or to stop shaking? This is a pretty sure sign that you are not drinking "socially."
Yes No

5 - Do you envy people who can drink without getting into trouble?
At one time or another, most of us have wondered why we were not like most people, who really can take it or leave it.
Yes No

6 - Have you had problems connected with drinking during the past year?
Be honest! Doctors say that if you have a problem with alcohol and keep on drinking, it will get worse -- never better. Eventually, you will die, or end up in an institution for the rest of your life. The only hope is to stop drinking.
Yes No

7 - Has your drinking caused trouble at home?
Before we came into A.A., most of us said that it was the people or problems at home that made us drink. We could not see that our drinking just made everything worse. It never solved problems anywhere or anytime.
Yes No

8 - Do you ever try to get "extra" drinks at a party because you do not get enough?
Most of us used to have a "few" before we started out if we thought it was going to be that kind of party. And if drinks were not served fast enough, we would go some place else to get more.
Yes No

9 - Do you tell yourself you can stop drinking any time you want to, even though you keep getting drunk when you don't mean to?
Many of us kidded ourselves into thinking that we drank because we wanted to. After we came into A.A., we found out that once we started to drink, we couldn't stop.
Yes No

10 - Have you missed days of work or school because of drinking?
Many of us admit now that we "called in sick" lots of times when the truth was that we were hung-over or on a drunk.
Yes No

11 - Do you have "blackouts"?
A "blackout" is when we have been drinking hours or days which we cannot remember. When we came to A.A., we found out that this is a pretty sure sign of alcoholic drinking.
Yes No

12 - Have you ever felt that your life would be better if you did not drink?
Many of us started to drink because drinking made life seem better, at least for a while. By the time we got into A.A., we felt trapped. We were drinking to live and living to drink. We were sick and tired of being sick and tired.
Yes No





Did you answer YES four or more times? If so, you are probably in trouble with alcohol. Why do we say this? Because thousands of people in A.A. have said so for many years. They found out the truth about themselves the hard way. But again, only you can decide whether you think A.A. is for you. Try to keep an open mind on the subject. If the answer is YES, we will be glad to show you how we stopped drinking ourselves. Just call. A.A. does not promise to solve your life's problems. But we can show you how we are learning to live without drinking "one day at a time." We stay away from that "first drink." If there is no first one, there cannot be a tenth one. And when we got rid of alcohol, we found that life became much more manageable.
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post #33 of 129 (permalink) Old 03-11-2013, 11:22 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Not an alcoholic but

Quote:
Originally Posted by NCC-1701 View Post
Honesty is the key.

Answer YES or NO to the following questions.

1 - Have you ever decided to stop drinking for a week or so, but only lasted for a couple of days?
Most of us in A.A. made all kinds of promises to ourselves and to our families. We could not keep them. Then we came to A.A. A.A. said: "Just try not to drink today." (If you do not drink today, you cannot get drunk today.)
Yes Noyes

2 - Do you wish people would mind their own business about your drinking-- stop telling you what to do?
In A.A. we do not tell anyone to do anything. We just talk about our own drinking, the trouble we got into, and how we stopped. We will be glad to help you, if you want us to.
Yes No no

3 - Have you ever switched from one kind of drink to another in the hope that this would keep you from getting drunk?
We tried all kinds of ways. We made our drinks weak. Or just drank beer. Or we did not drink ****tails. Or only drank on weekends. You name it, we tried it. But if we drank anything with alcohol in it, we usually got drunk eventually.
Yes No yes sort of

4 - Have you had to have an eye-opener upon awakening during the past year?
Do you need a drink to get started, or to stop shaking? This is a pretty sure sign that you are not drinking "socially."
Yes No no

5 - Do you envy people who can drink without getting into trouble?
At one time or another, most of us have wondered why we were not like most people, who really can take it or leave it.
Yes No no

6 - Have you had problems connected with drinking during the past year?
Be honest! Doctors say that if you have a problem with alcohol and keep on drinking, it will get worse -- never better. Eventually, you will die, or end up in an institution for the rest of your life. The only hope is to stop drinking.
Yes No no

7 - Has your drinking caused trouble at home?
Before we came into A.A., most of us said that it was the people or problems at home that made us drink. We could not see that our drinking just made everything worse. It never solved problems anywhere or anytime.
Yes No no

8 - Do you ever try to get "extra" drinks at a party because you do not get enough?
Most of us used to have a "few" before we started out if we thought it was going to be that kind of party. And if drinks were not served fast enough, we would go some place else to get more.
Yes No no

9 - Do you tell yourself you can stop drinking any time you want to, even though you keep getting drunk when you don't mean to?
Many of us kidded ourselves into thinking that we drank because we wanted to. After we came into A.A., we found out that once we started to drink, we couldn't stop.
Yes No on occassion

10 - Have you missed days of work or school because of drinking?
Many of us admit now that we "called in sick" lots of times when the truth was that we were hung-over or on a drunk.
Yes No nope

11 - Do you have "blackouts"?
A "blackout" is when we have been drinking hours or days which we cannot remember. When we came to A.A., we found out that this is a pretty sure sign of alcoholic drinking.
Yes No never

12 - Have you ever felt that your life would be better if you did not drink?
Many of us started to drink because drinking made life seem better, at least for a while. By the time we got into A.A., we felt trapped. We were drinking to live and living to drink. We were sick and tired of being sick and tired.
Yes No no





Did you answer YES four or more times? If so, you are probably in trouble with alcohol. Why do we say this? Because thousands of people in A.A. have said so for many years. They found out the truth about themselves the hard way. But again, only you can decide whether you think A.A. is for you. Try to keep an open mind on the subject. If the answer is YES, we will be glad to show you how we stopped drinking ourselves. Just call. A.A. does not promise to solve your life's problems. But we can show you how we are learning to live without drinking "one day at a time." We stay away from that "first drink." If there is no first one, there cannot be a tenth one. And when we got rid of alcohol, we found that life became much more manageable.
Interesting to think about though and keep in perspective
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post #34 of 129 (permalink) Old 03-20-2013, 04:54 PM
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Re: Not an alcoholic but

Start to drink later in the day. Having a drink when you get home from work is too early because you have 3 potential drinking periods in front of you - alone before your wife gets home, dinner, after dinner. Make drinking before your wife gets home just something that you will not do.

Drink tea or coffee prior to your first drink.

Don't drink hard liquor at home. why? It's easier to fool yourself when you drink off a big bottle of booze. If you were having a bottle and a half of wine or several beers per night, you would notice and your wife would notice. With hard drinks, you can drink a lot and it's not as noticeable as a problem.

Take nights off. Make it a point to skip days of drinking. Experts say that this is important for health too - gives body time to recover.
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post #35 of 129 (permalink) Old 03-22-2013, 07:59 AM
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Re: Not an alcoholic but

I could have a problem with alcohol if I didn't stay two steps ahead. I allow myself two beers a night if:

I hit the gym for three circuits of upper body
or
I put in a run of no less than three miles

Even then it has to be after 930 at night, the kids are in bed, and everything is done for the next day.

Right now I'm training for a half marathon so it has become two beers every other, or every third night.

I bought that beer- I own it, it does not own me.
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post #36 of 129 (permalink) Old 03-23-2013, 07:57 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Not an alcoholic but

Quote:
Originally Posted by couple View Post
Start to drink later in the day. Having a drink when you get home from work is too early because you have 3 potential drinking periods in front of you - alone before your wife gets home, dinner, after dinner. Make drinking before your wife gets home just something that you will not do.

Drink tea or coffee prior to your first drink.

Don't drink hard liquor at home. why? It's easier to fool yourself when you drink off a big bottle of booze. If you were having a bottle and a half of wine or several beers per night, you would notice and your wife would notice. With hard drinks, you can drink a lot and it's not as noticeable as a problem.

Take nights off. Make it a point to skip days of drinking. Experts say that this is important for health too - gives body time to recover.
I really like the first idea. Making myself wait until later at night. It is just hard to do that sometimes. It is just so easy to come home, pour and drink and relax.
Then the no hard liqour at home, I think that is going to far. That is mostly what I drink at home. It is cheaper that way and I like it better. Beer is fine on occasion though.
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post #37 of 129 (permalink) Old 03-24-2013, 01:03 AM
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Re: Not an alcoholic but

Quote:
Originally Posted by gbrad View Post
Any tricks to having just one?
Nope. If you are the kind of person who can stop at one, go ahead and have one.

Otherwise, don't take the first drink. That's worked 24 years for me.
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post #38 of 129 (permalink) Old 03-26-2013, 11:19 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Not an alcoholic but

Did good about waiting to have a drink until after dinner today. Then had two, but nothing hard.
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post #39 of 129 (permalink) Old 04-01-2013, 09:18 AM
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Re: Not an alcoholic but

Quote:
Originally Posted by gbrad View Post
I really like the first idea. Making myself wait until later at night. It is just hard to do that sometimes. It is just so easy to come home, pour and drink and relax.
Then the no hard liqour at home, I think that is going to far. That is mostly what I drink at home. It is cheaper that way and I like it better. Beer is fine on occasion though.
i hear what you are saying about the hard stuff but it's much easier for it to sneak up on you. Your drinks can get stronger and stronger and it's easier for you to avoid facing up to problem drinking. You can have 'only' 2 or 3 drinks and feel like you are just drinking 'a bit too much' rather than it being a real problem. if you are pouring stronger and stronger, these 3 drinks might be more like downing a 6 pack or more. if you were downing a 6 pack every night, you and your wife would see the problem in a more dramatic way.

Good luck. I sense that you see the need for change but you are not very willing to change anything or feel that you can't change anything. this should be telling you something.
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post #40 of 129 (permalink) Old 04-06-2013, 02:06 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Not an alcoholic but

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i hear what you are saying about the hard stuff but it's much easier for it to sneak up on you. Your drinks can get stronger and stronger and it's easier for you to avoid facing up to problem drinking. You can have 'only' 2 or 3 drinks and feel like you are just drinking 'a bit too much' rather than it being a real problem. if you are pouring stronger and stronger, these 3 drinks might be more like downing a 6 pack or more. if you were downing a 6 pack every night, you and your wife would see the problem in a more dramatic way.

Good luck. I sense that you see the need for change but you are not very willing to change anything or feel that you can't change anything. this should be telling you something.
I think I can change and have been trying to adjust some things. This past week I actually had 2 nights where I didn't have a drink at all. And I only had 1 night where I had "too much". though last night I ended up having about 4 drinks and I did wait until lunchtime today to pour a drink at home.
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post #41 of 129 (permalink) Old 04-06-2013, 02:45 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Not an alcoholic but

I don't know what I did those nights instead. I think I just had a lot to do and didn't have time for a drink.
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post #42 of 129 (permalink) Old 04-07-2013, 11:30 PM
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Re: Not an alcoholic but

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I have to say, those who are recommending that I just give up drinking completely, that is not an option that is going to happen. There are times when drinking in a social setting is just a fun experience and there are times when having a drink just takes the edge off of a stressful situation. I don't like the idea of having to give that up completely. While I do want to curb my drinking as a whole, I don't want to abandon it. I like the idea of coming home and immersing myself directly into something else, the hard part is making myself do that instead of sitting down and relaxing with a drink first thing. Today, 2 drinks in with a shot poured as well. Haven't had the shot yet though. It would just be so much easier if I wasn't home by myself so much.
If it isn't an option, then you are on the road to being an alcoholic. I know. I've seen it time and time again. You are playing the justification games that everyone plays. A person doesn't just wake up one day and start being an alcoholic. They slide into it and one day they realize they are an alcoholic.

I have never abused alcohol (never been drunk before in my life). I only drink occasionally. My rule has always been to never have more to drink than what would be legal for me to drive. That way I don't ever get "buzzed" and I don't have to ever worry about a DUI. I mostly will have a glass of wine with a meal if I drink at all. But I purposefully go weeks or even months without having one drink. I'm actually one of the very few people I know who can drink alcoholic beverages with complete freedom and not abuse alcohol, since I've never abused it. But I am willing to bet that anyone who has already abused it (gets wasted often or has had a dependency issues) will find it very difficult to do what I do and not slide back into their alcohol abuse or dependency.

I am now going to dare you to do what I do. If you can't, you are alcohol dependent or you are an alcoholic. Either way, you should get help and you need to quit or things are going to get worse in the booze department. You think you can handle things now and you seem all confident. But I've seen so many confident guys behind bars!
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post #43 of 129 (permalink) Old 04-09-2013, 07:34 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Not an alcoholic but

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If it isn't an option, then you are on the road to being an alcoholic. I know. I've seen it time and time again. You are playing the justification games that everyone plays. A person doesn't just wake up one day and start being an alcoholic. They slide into it and one day they realize they are an alcoholic.

I have never abused alcohol (never been drunk before in my life). I only drink occasionally. My rule has always been to never have more to drink than what would be legal for me to drive. That way I don't ever get "buzzed" and I don't have to ever worry about a DUI. I mostly will have a glass of wine with a meal if I drink at all. But I purposefully go weeks or even months without having one drink. I'm actually one of the very few people I know who can drink alcoholic beverages with complete freedom and not abuse alcohol, since I've never abused it. But I am willing to bet that anyone who has already abused it (gets wasted often or has had a dependency issues) will find it very difficult to do what I do and not slide back into their alcohol abuse or dependency.

I am now going to dare you to do what I do. If you can't, you are alcohol dependent or you are an alcoholic. Either way, you should get help and you need to quit or things are going to get worse in the booze department. You think you can handle things now and you seem all confident. But I've seen so many confident guys behind bars!
You drink so that you never get buzzed. I don't understand what the reason is that you drink at all then. If you don't even get a buzz, what are you getting out of it? Getting the so called "buzz" helps to relax the body, remove the element of stress, and help you to avoid some aspects of reality. The relaxing part to me is the most important. Sometimes when you get home from a stressful day and you are facing a stressful situation at home, a quick drink or two helps to not focus on those stressful things.
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post #44 of 129 (permalink) Old 04-11-2013, 07:20 AM
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Re: Not an alcoholic but

It's a habit ... for now, but once you do it daily and for a long period of time, it becomes an addiction so I would test myself into not drinking for an entire month, just to see if I crave for drinking.

Take care
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post #45 of 129 (permalink) Old 04-11-2013, 06:13 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Not an alcoholic but

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It's a habit ... for now, but once you do it daily and for a long period of time, it becomes an addiction so I would test myself into not drinking for an entire month, just to see if I crave for drinking.

Take care
With as stressful as life can be at times, I don't see a month as a real possibility.
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