Not an alcoholic but - Page 4 - Talk About Marriage
Relationships and Addiction Whether it's drugs, alcohol, gambling, sex, pornography, or anything else, addictions can be detrimental to the health of a relationship.

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post #46 of 129 (permalink) Old 04-12-2013, 09:58 AM
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Re: Not an alcoholic but

Do you eat as soon as you get home?

I always mistook wanting to have a "drink" for thirst and hunger.
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post #47 of 129 (permalink) Old 04-14-2013, 08:27 AM
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Re: Not an alcoholic but

Hello?
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post #48 of 129 (permalink) Old 04-15-2013, 06:46 AM
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Re: Not an alcoholic but

Funny I stumbled on this thread. I just packed all my alcohol in my car to leave in the stock room at work.

Before divorce started I used to put kids to bed and get out ****tail book and make a new ****tail every night (not every night but 4-5 nights a week)

It was fun and most of the time I was in bed by 11 and not really drunk. Wife never indicated it was an issue with her. On occasion I would go overboard and she'd say "you are drunk, leave me alone" but it was mostly in good humor. Alcohol not issue with divorce. Or if it was nobody ever brought the subject up.

Since starting divorce process and moving into my own house I am uncomfortable with my habits.

On date nights I usually have a drinks. If we stay in and cook, we drink. Gf isn't raging drunk but isn't the best influence either. But I'm not blaming her, it is just hard to not have one with it's sitting there open on the table.

On nights I have kids I will wait until everyone is home and tucked in or at least homework is done and baths are done. Never drink knowing I have to pick up kids.

On home alone nights it starts earlier. I will sit in chair in front of TV or play on computer and have too many. It also causes me to over eat and I then don't do quality things like exercise or read.

It really messes up my sleep. Drinking and sleeping like crap 4-5 nights a week is bad.

I can go several nights without as long as I keep busy or have entertainment.

I'm going to try 90 days of no alcohol. Weather is nice, I can walk around the block a few times to replace drinking on most nights. There are a few situations I will avoid and a few people I will tell what I am doing for a bit of support.

Thoughts?
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post #49 of 129 (permalink) Old 04-15-2013, 06:59 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Not an alcoholic but

I went all weekend without a drink, so it shows that I can, it is just a matter of making the choice to do so.
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post #50 of 129 (permalink) Old 04-16-2013, 07:50 PM
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Re: Not an alcoholic but

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I went all weekend without a drink, so it shows that I can, it is just a matter of making the choice to do so.
Good. I challenge you to try a week, and then a month. I know an alcoholic who can do without for a weekend no problem. A week of abstinence is super hard for him. A month? Can't do it.

By the way, you asked me about why I would even drink if not for the "buzz". Why drink soda pop? Juice? Milk? Or any other beverage besides water? Like all of these other beverages, I only drink them for the purpose of actually enjoying the drink -- the taste and how it accompanies the food I'm eating. The alcohol in an alcoholic beverage is a flavor enhancer for foods (it brings out flavors through what is known as pallet contrast). Many people (more common in Europe) who drink wine with their meals, pair their wines with the food they are eating for this reason. There are millions of people who drink alcoholic beverages simply for their flavor and how it enhances their food -- and they never get buzzed or drunk.

I'll warn you that I have met very few people who have formerly used alcoholic beverages to medicate themselves (get buzzed, relieve stress, etc.) who can then begin to use alcoholic beverages in moderation as simply a nice accompaniment with their dinner.
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post #51 of 129 (permalink) Old 04-16-2013, 09:21 PM
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Re: Re: Not an alcoholic but

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Do you eat as soon as you get home?

I always mistook wanting to have a "drink" for thirst and hunger.
I guess I will quote myself since my question got passed up.
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post #52 of 129 (permalink) Old 04-16-2013, 10:43 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Not an alcoholic but

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Good. I challenge you to try a week, and then a month. I know an alcoholic who can do without for a weekend no problem. A week of abstinence is super hard for him. A month? Can't do it.

By the way, you asked me about why I would even drink if not for the "buzz". Why drink soda pop? Juice? Milk? Or any other beverage besides water? Like all of these other beverages, I only drink them for the purpose of actually enjoying the drink -- the taste and how it accompanies the food I'm eating. The alcohol in an alcoholic beverage is a flavor enhancer for foods (it brings out flavors through what is known as pallet contrast). Many people (more common in Europe) who drink wine with their meals, pair their wines with the food they are eating for this reason. There are millions of people who drink alcoholic beverages simply for their flavor and how it enhances their food -- and they never get buzzed or drunk.

I'll warn you that I have met very few people who have formerly used alcoholic beverages to medicate themselves (get buzzed, relieve stress, etc.) who can then begin to use alcoholic beverages in moderation as simply a nice accompaniment with their dinner.
I understand that some alcoholic drinks go well with certain foods. I also choose to drink alcoholic beverages that I like the taste of. But I like the taste of some sodas, juices, and water as well. To me, the reason to go for the alcoholic beverage is purely to relieve stress and/or relax. It can help melt worries away, it can enable one to relax and have a good time. That is the purpose of an alcoholic drink. I will probably get to a week without a drink. But a month, I don't see a need to do that.

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I guess I will quote myself since my question got passed up.
Yes I do eat when I get home. But I don't have the drink because I am thirsty or hungry. I usually have a drink with food. I have the drink to relax.
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post #53 of 129 (permalink) Old 04-16-2013, 11:20 PM
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Re: Not an alcoholic but

Sober 17 months now. I am not an alcoholic either just like you. I learned to relax with a glass of tea or two when I got home. Made me way more productive. Wife likes me a little more. Neighbors and kids friends parents have more respect for me now. Kids were too young to know the difference at 7 and 8. Still play poker with my drinking buddies... It was the hardest on them but they respect my no "thank you" now. Took a while. I have never told anyone that I am an alcoholic but instead that I just don't drink. When I don't want pressure to drink in that so-called social setting I just grab a coke. There is NO setting that requires drinking (your wrong). I actually enjoy parties more now because I can remember all the stupid **** that one drunk guy did. Try it!
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post #54 of 129 (permalink) Old 04-17-2013, 08:35 AM
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Re: Not an alcoholic but

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Sober 17 months now. I am not an alcoholic either just like you. I learned to relax with a glass of tea or two when I got home. Made me way more productive. Wife likes me a little more. Neighbors and kids friends parents have more respect for me now. Kids were too young to know the difference at 7 and 8. Still play poker with my drinking buddies... It was the hardest on them but they respect my no "thank you" now. Took a while. I have never told anyone that I am an alcoholic but instead that I just don't drink. When I don't want pressure to drink in that so-called social setting I just grab a coke. There is NO setting that requires drinking (your wrong). I actually enjoy parties more now because I can remember all the stupid **** that one drunk guy did. Try it!
This is a great post.
That feeling of just needing a drink to "relax" is simply the slide into alcoholism. Same as needing to smoke to relax, or do drugs to relax. It is not the desire to relax that is the problem, nor is it the use of a legal substance. It is more about self-control -- simply not allowing any substance to rule over you. It is a great feeling when you are able to truly be in control of what you are doing and make choices that lead to better health and deeper relationships. And like you said, you can hear all of the "drunk confessions" at parties and stack up a nice list of blackmail items .
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post #55 of 129 (permalink) Old 04-17-2013, 09:03 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Not an alcoholic but

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This is a great post.
That feeling of just needing a drink to "relax" is simply the slide into alcoholism. Same as needing to smoke to relax, or do drugs to relax. It is not the desire to relax that is the problem, nor is it the use of a legal substance. It is more about self-control -- simply not allowing any substance to rule over you. It is a great feeling when you are able to truly be in control of what you are doing and make choices that lead to better health and deeper relationships. And like you said, you can hear all of the "drunk confessions" at parties and stack up a nice list of blackmail items .
I agree that you shouldn't NEED alcohol to relax, but I think it is okay if it is ONE of the ways you relax. There is a difference. As for the comment about using drunk confessions from parties as blackmail, I really hope that was meant as a joke.
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post #56 of 129 (permalink) Old 04-17-2013, 06:25 PM
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Re: Not an alcoholic but

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I agree that you shouldn't NEED alcohol to relax, but I think it is okay if it is ONE of the ways you relax. There is a difference. As for the comment about using drunk confessions from parties as blackmail, I really hope that was meant as a joke.
That is why I put a smiley. I actually don't even party, so it was completely a joke.

You will only find out if you want or need alcohol to relax if you go without it for month or two. If the craving is very strong to overwhelming, you need it to relax -- which is a problem whether you are ready to admit it or not.

Just my opinion. I have alcoholic family members and I had an alcoholic dad (who is no longer on earth) who started out supposedly just needing a drink to relax. Alcohol is habit forming if it is used at all to medicate (e.g. to relax). It is a drug, after all.
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post #57 of 129 (permalink) Old 04-17-2013, 06:37 PM
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Not an alcoholic but

Then don't go home if you can't deal with the loneliness. Go do something until she gets home.
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post #58 of 129 (permalink) Old 04-17-2013, 06:39 PM
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Re: Not an alcoholic but

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Then don't go home if you can't deal with the loneliness. Go do something until she gets home.
Great idea!
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post #59 of 129 (permalink) Old 04-18-2013, 12:15 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Not an alcoholic but

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That is why I put a smiley. I actually don't even party, so it was completely a joke.

You will only find out if you want or need alcohol to relax if you go without it for month or two. If the craving is very strong to overwhelming, you need it to relax -- which is a problem whether you are ready to admit it or not.

Just my opinion. I have alcoholic family members and I had an alcoholic dad (who is no longer on earth) who started out supposedly just needing a drink to relax. Alcohol is habit forming if it is used at all to medicate (e.g. to relax). It is a drug, after all.
Yes it can be habit forming, if one uses it too much. Everything in moderation. I see nothing wrong with occasionally using it to relax. If it is the only way that one can relax, then that is a problem.
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post #60 of 129 (permalink) Old 04-18-2013, 06:53 AM
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Re: Re: Not an alcoholic but

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I agree that you shouldn't NEED alcohol to relax, but I think it is okay if it is ONE of the ways you relax.
For you to be on a forum with a thread named "Not an alcoholic but..." is a sign that perhaps you using alcohol is a not a good idea. The idea of moderation goes out the door once you catch that buzz. You are questioning yourself of your need for it, so stop while you are ahead. Make yourself proud! Don't want to get hell from your colleagues or friends? Who cares! The true friends will stick by you and be proud of you. Just don't buy anymore. It is simple. I quit cold turkey. I actually now keep alcohol in the house for guests and not even one time has it ever crossed my mind to have a drink.

Going a whole weekend without a drink is easy. When you can go a weekend without wanting or thinking about one then you are getting some where.

You don't have to be an alcoholic to stop drinking.

Does your wife drink?

Last edited by MrClean; 04-18-2013 at 07:42 AM.
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