Not an alcoholic but - Page 7 - Talk About Marriage
Relationships and Addiction Whether it's drugs, alcohol, gambling, sex, pornography, or anything else, addictions can be detrimental to the health of a relationship.

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post #91 of 129 (permalink) Old 05-19-2015, 09:20 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Not an alcoholic but

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Why are you drinking every day? What's wrong with your life? Why do you need to numb yourself to face each evening? Any relatives with drinking problems?

Didn't read your entire thread so you may have covered this already.
I have been unhappy with my career, life, marriage, etc. over the past handful of years. So the drinking started very slow, and gradually went from social to more, to everyday. At this point its not about numbing myself each evening. Its more about the fact that it is what I am used to doing so even when I don't really have a reason to drink I still do anyway. Drinking does run in the family.
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post #92 of 129 (permalink) Old 05-19-2015, 09:34 PM
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Re: Not an alcoholic but

I know drinking when I'm stressed, or depressed makes everything worse, I can't sleep for sh!t because of the fdup dreams waking me every half hour, and their vivid dreams you don't just forget.
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post #93 of 129 (permalink) Old 05-19-2015, 09:37 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Not an alcoholic but

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I know drinking when I'm stressed, or depressed makes everything worse, I can't sleep for sh!t because of the fdup dreams waking me every half hour, and their vivid dreams you don't just forget.
Yah, I rarely ever sleep through the night. I either wake up sweating due to the amount I drank or I wake up from having crazy dreams all night long. I will say some of the dreams are good and WELL worth it, but most are not.
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post #94 of 129 (permalink) Old 05-19-2015, 09:40 PM
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Re: Not an alcoholic but

You may be the type of drinker that should not touch alcohol if you want to stop.

Can you take each area of your life and do one small thing that would change the trajectory. Just one and then build on success.

When I first joined they site, I was ready to walk away from my husband. I've changed dramatically since then. It started with reading two books and took off from there. I am reasonably happy and content now. My husband is about the same, my kids are more challenging than ever, I lost a career that I loved in deference to my husband's career.

My frame of reference changed. That led to substantial changes in my life. I have different goals that I am working towards. They are in the context of what I have available to me now. Things will change in the future and so will my goals.

Where can you make some personal changes that will give you a reason for living?

One of the books I read was Viktor Frankl "Man's search for meaning" It's a short book that I have read 4 times already. It is dense and gives you a format to think about existence and follow if you like.

My magic wand would remove shame from sexuality for all! Anon Pink
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post #95 of 129 (permalink) Old 05-19-2015, 09:48 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Not an alcoholic but

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You may be the type of drinker that should not touch alcohol if you want to stop.

Can you take each area of your life and do one small thing that would change the trajectory. Just one and then build on success.

When I first joined they site, I was ready to walk away from my husband. I've changed dramatically since then. It started with reading two books and took off from there. I am reasonably happy and content now. My husband is about the same, my kids are more challenging than ever, I lost a career that I loved in deference to my husband's career.

My frame of reference changed. That led to substantial changes in my life. I have different goals that I am working towards. They are in the context of what I have available to me now. Things will change in the future and so will my goals.

Where can you make some personal changes that will give you a reason for living?

One of the books I read was Viktor Frankl "Man's search for meaning" It's a short book that I have read 4 times already. It is dense and gives you a format to think about existence and follow if you like.
I don't know. I know that completely cutting out alcohol is not something I want to do. I just want to be able to go back to being in control of it. I have tried many times to focus on other things, it is just very hard to be consistant with it. It doesn't help that everyday I wonder what my routine at home will be like based on my wife. It is hard to get something consistant going.
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post #96 of 129 (permalink) Old 05-19-2015, 10:06 PM
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Re: Not an alcoholic but

Make a routine for yourself independent of your wife. Do it just one day of the week, just for you.

You have a problem that will get worse.

My magic wand would remove shame from sexuality for all! Anon Pink
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post #97 of 129 (permalink) Old 05-19-2015, 10:19 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Not an alcoholic but

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Make a routine for yourself independent of your wife. Do it just one day of the week, just for you.

You have a problem that will get worse.
I like that idea. I just don't know what or how to do that. I always plan what I am going to do and when around her and when she will be home.
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post #98 of 129 (permalink) Old 05-19-2015, 10:22 PM
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Re: Not an alcoholic but

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I like that idea. I just don't know what or how to do that. I always plan what I am going to do and when around her and when she will be home.
Have to go now but I'lll just say - think outside of this pattern, what can you do differently? One little thing for a start.

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post #99 of 129 (permalink) Old 05-20-2015, 12:30 AM
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Re: Not an alcoholic but

Try only drinking with meals.
When you get to the point that its the first think you do when you wake up, your a goner.
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post #100 of 129 (permalink) Old 06-04-2015, 06:54 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Not an alcoholic but

Ok, fine. I think I am at the point where I can admit I basically an alcoholic. Though I still don't want to give up ever drinking, I want to be able to drink, just wish I wouldn't so often. Even when I tell myself I'm only going to drink X amount on a given night, or I will skip a certain night or two, doesn't usually go very well. I believe my count is at 4 drinks, maybe 5 (all hard liqour) and it is not even dinner time.
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post #101 of 129 (permalink) Old 06-04-2015, 11:05 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Not an alcoholic but

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Can you use your wife/friends/family to help you with accountability?
Wife, no. I try and keep a good portion of it hidden from her, not all but some of it. Friends and family, when we get together with them, a main part of what we do is drink. So that would put a damper on things.
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post #102 of 129 (permalink) Old 06-05-2015, 07:34 AM
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Re: Not an alcoholic but

If you truly are an alcoholic, trying to continue drinking "in moderation" really isn't going to work well for you.

But if you must drink because you can't imagine cutting it out of your social life, then follow the age-old rule: Don't drink alone. In fact, drinking alone (especially in excess) is a major red flag of determining whether or not you are an alcoholic.

It sounds to me like following this rule would eliminate about 90% of your drinking.

You've already proven that you can go days without a drink, so just buckle down and quit drinking alone.

Better yet, own up to your problem and go to AA. Find new ways to express yourself socially besides getting drunk.
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post #103 of 129 (permalink) Old 06-05-2015, 07:39 AM
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Re: Not an alcoholic but

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Wife, no. I try and keep a good portion of it hidden from her, not all but some of it. Friends and family, when we get together with them, a main part of what we do is drink. So that would put a damper on things.
New friends? Deciding you need to change what you are doing in terms of drinking for yourself, and being an example even when you are with family and old friends?

Leadership, gbrad.

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #104 of 129 (permalink) Old 06-05-2015, 02:18 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Not an alcoholic but

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If you revealed to your wife the true extent of your drinking, how do you think she would react?
She would be very unhappy. She would not take it well at all. She has told me as much in the past. So, I don't know if I want to go down the road of dealing with that at this time.
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post #105 of 129 (permalink) Old 06-05-2015, 02:51 PM
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Re: Not an alcoholic but

Well, what you're trying clearly isn't working for you.

Time to try something else.

Go a month without. Notice and journal about how you feel. Better sleep, less groggy in AM, no more feeling like sh!t, more energy, finished this and that project, proud of yourself for going 2 weeks, 3 weeks, 4 weeks. Write it down.

After the month is up, get absolutely obliterated. The next morning, write about how you feel then. Don't filter - jot it all down, physical, emotional, all of it.

Then next time you feel the urge, come home from work and read it.
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