Re: Not an alcoholic but
Well, what you're trying clearly isn't working for you.
Time to try something else.
Go a month without. Notice and journal about how you feel. Better sleep, less groggy in AM, no more feeling like sh!t, more energy, finished this and that project, proud of yourself for going 2 weeks, 3 weeks, 4 weeks. Write it down.
After the month is up, get absolutely obliterated. The next morning, write about how you feel then. Don't filter - jot it all down, physical, emotional, all of it.
Then next time you feel the urge, come home from work and read it.