Not an alcoholic but - Talk About Marriage
Relationships and Addiction Whether it's drugs, alcohol, gambling, sex, pornography, or anything else, addictions can be detrimental to the health of a relationship.

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post #1 of 129 (permalink) Old 02-15-2013, 08:05 PM Thread Starter
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Not an alcoholic but

I know I have been drinking more than I would probably prefer. I come home and have a drink. Then you want to maintain that feeling so you have another drink or two. Any tricks to having just one? I don't mind having 2 or 3 on some nights during the week. But other nights I would rather have just 1 and get some other things done. On nights where I know I have something I have to do I can get myself to avoid it altogether. That is not an issue. But the whole, one and then another thing, that is harder.
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post #2 of 129 (permalink) Old 02-15-2013, 09:11 PM
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Re: Not an alcoholic but

Wait later to have the ONE drink then you won't need to 'maintain' the feeling it will be time to go to bed.

Make a deal with yourself to get things done FIRST then have the ONE drink....later closer to bedtime.

Find some other way to unwind after work or something else to do that doesn't involve booze.

Basically you're going to have to find a replacement for this habit for it to work. You're stuck in come home and have a few drinks mode. Another thing is locate the trigger. Do you watch tv? Sit in a favorite chair? Go straight to the fridge? See a lot of what we do each day is robotic, auto pilot so the cure is to mindfully do something different.
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post #3 of 129 (permalink) Old 02-15-2013, 09:57 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Not an alcoholic but

Those are good ideas. Part of it is coming home to a house alone and it can be a while before the wife gets home. I have a couple drinks before she gets home. That is usually how it works. But I should try to force myself to do those things I need to do before having the drink. Make the drink the reward for accomplishing those things instead of the stress reliever as soon as I walk in the door.
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post #4 of 129 (permalink) Old 02-15-2013, 10:01 PM
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Re: Not an alcoholic but

Don't drink for a while and see if you need it.


Real women don't want flowers and chocolate.
They want vodka and Taco Bell.
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post #5 of 129 (permalink) Old 02-15-2013, 10:20 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Not an alcoholic but

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Originally Posted by that_girl View Post
Don't drink for a while and see if you need it.
I have had times in recent weeks where I have gone 4 or 5 days for different reasons without a drink. So I know I don't need it. But on a regular day, I do want it.
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post #6 of 129 (permalink) Old 02-16-2013, 09:31 AM
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Re: Not an alcoholic but

There is a difference between alcohol abuse and alcohol dependance, you likely fall into one of those categories. Google it to see the difference. You may not be a full blown alcoholic but sounds like there could be a drinking issue on the rise. Wanting it, may be worse than needing it. Good luck.
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post #7 of 129 (permalink) Old 02-17-2013, 08:49 AM
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Re: Not an alcoholic but

In 1989 after a long progression into alchoholism I finally gave up, went to re-hab (3rd time) and got my life together

No one but you can figure out if you are a heavy drinker or an
honest to God Alcoholic. I spent many years as a heavy drinker

Bargaining with myself all along (don't drink before 5, no hard liquor etc) as time went on I fudged on my rules more and more until it all collapsed

i am recently separated, looks like it could be the big D. That
has made me actually crave alcohol for the first time in 20+
years.

But, I knew what to do. I found a mens AA meeting (90% are divorced) and started going, keeps me from craving the demon rum and I am making friends

If you are concerned about drinking, it doesn't have to be AA
(it's hard to walk in those doors) talk to a counselor.

If we depend on booze to get thru life, it ain't the booze, it's
our unbalanced lives that are the problem
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post #8 of 129 (permalink) Old 02-17-2013, 08:54 AM
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Re: Not an alcoholic but

Cut it out like a cancer. Drop it altogether and substitute something else like working out or walking. You mentioned coming home to an empty house. Go to the park, gym, or walk instead and form new habits. I always give up anything I start craving. I quit energy drinks about 6 weeks ago after I started craving them daily. Im not going to be held hostage to any substance. If you want to be in control of yourself, assert control and move on.
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post #9 of 129 (permalink) Old 02-17-2013, 09:05 AM
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Re: Not an alcoholic but

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Originally Posted by gbrad View Post
Part of it is coming home to a house alone and it can be a while before the wife gets home. I have a couple drinks before she gets home. That is usually how it works. But I should try to force myself to do those things I need to do before having the drink. Make the drink the reward for accomplishing those things instead of the stress reliever as soon as I walk in the door.
My husband takes a nap when he comes home for work. Yep crawls into bed and sleeps for an hour. When he gets up he's raring to go on those projects. Can you find other stress relievers? Go to the gym after work? Something?

BTW "forcing" yourself to do anything rarely works. Willpower is a short term solution. You need to negotiate with the part of you that wants to drink. Find out WHY it wants the alcohol. Is it lonely? Bored? Stressed? Upset? In pain? Bad habit? Offer up other alternatives besides booze.

I say this because my drug of choice is food. I'm an emotional eater and these are things I did to beat my 'addiction'. I learned my problems won't be solved with sugar but I still eat it from time to time. It's about moderation now not anxiety.
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post #10 of 129 (permalink) Old 02-17-2013, 09:53 AM
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Re: Not an alcoholic but

Also limit the supply at home. Of buy stuff you hate so you won't want to drnk it but make a rule that it must be drank before you can get more

I have this rule with any beer I buy at home. I like to grab different unique brews but they must be drank before anything new is allowed.

Btw dont switch to soda or coffee they come with their own big problems Ie en the diet ones

The other thing is to choose drinks with lower alcohol content
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post #11 of 129 (permalink) Old 02-17-2013, 09:56 AM
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Re: Not an alcoholic but

I buy a 6pk to last the entire week. If I drink all 6 at once then I go without until the next week.

Hook me up a new revolution, cause this one is a lie. Sat around laughing and watched the last one die.
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post #12 of 129 (permalink) Old 02-17-2013, 03:17 PM
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Re: Not an alcoholic but

How to know if this is an addiction? If you can not resist it even though you want it, that means you are addicted.

What kind of feelings you want to melt with an alcohol? Why you want to manipulate your state of mind?

Ask yourself these questions and with Gods help you will start to sink deeper to know more about yourself.

I suggest you to read this article: Living with an alcoholic

Last edited by Ignis; 02-19-2013 at 02:10 AM.
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post #13 of 129 (permalink) Old 02-17-2013, 03:24 PM
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Re: Not an alcoholic but

I would say give it up completely. I find it hard to understand all the money that is wasted on vices.

Go to the gym or meditate for an hour instead.
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post #14 of 129 (permalink) Old 02-17-2013, 03:29 PM
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Re: Not an alcoholic but

Just had a talk with my estranged husband last night about his drinking problem. His alcoholism.

He's highly functional...meaning he goes to work, gets his crap done...but it strains our life and his relationship with the kids.

And he can't go without.

It's out in the open now. We'll see what he does with that knowledge of having an issue.


Real women don't want flowers and chocolate.
They want vodka and Taco Bell.
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post #15 of 129 (permalink) Old 02-19-2013, 06:56 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Not an alcoholic but

I have to say, those who are recommending that I just give up drinking completely, that is not an option that is going to happen. There are times when drinking in a social setting is just a fun experience and there are times when having a drink just takes the edge off of a stressful situation. I don't like the idea of having to give that up completely. While I do want to curb my drinking as a whole, I don't want to abandon it. I like the idea of coming home and immersing myself directly into something else, the hard part is making myself do that instead of sitting down and relaxing with a drink first thing. Today, 2 drinks in with a shot poured as well. Haven't had the shot yet though. It would just be so much easier if I wasn't home by myself so much.
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