confusing addiction

What2Do · 01-28-2008, 07:20 PM

My husband has recently admitted that he is a sex/pornography addict. This was completely out of the blue, and I had no idea after years of dating and marriage. The addiction consists of internet porn and acting out in inappropriate conversations with acquaintances through messaging and face to face conversation. I am totally confused, as I do not understand this addiction and I feel completely betrayed and have lost all respect and trust in him. How can he say he loves me and still be continuing to do all of these things behind my back for years???

draconis · 01-29-2008, 01:36 PM

I seriously do not think he is actually addicted to sex more then the usual male, however it is possible. As far as porn goes many people are addicted. Men more then women because men are wired to be more visual then women are (mostly because our white matter is less dense between the two halves of the brain.)

draconis

What2Do · 01-29-2008, 05:20 PM

I have read a lot about sex addiction and pornography addiction and he seems to fit the profile. He is seeking professional help and apparently this has been an on-going problem he has kept secret (except for the women he involved in the situations) for over 10 years. He states he has tried to quit several times on his own, with no luck, and we have just recently had a baby. I would have never guessed that he would have been doing this.

draconis · 01-29-2008, 08:56 PM

NOTE: The term "sexual addiction" is used to describe the behavior of a person who has an unusually intense sex drive or an obsession with sex. Sex and the thought of sex tend to dominate the sex addict's thinking, making it difficult to work or engage in healthy personal relationships.

Sex addicts engage in distorted thinking, often rationalizing and justifying their behavior and blaming others for problems. They generally deny they have a problem and make excuses for their actions.

Sexual addiction also is associated with risk-taking. A person with a sex addiction engages in various forms of sexual activity, despite the potential for negative and/or dangerous consequences. In addition to damaging the addict's relationships and interfering with his or her work and social life, a sexual addiction also puts the person at risk for emotional and physical injury.

Sexual Addiction Causes, Symptoms, Diagnosis and Treatment on MedicineNet.com

So what is your real question here?

draconis

What2Do · 01-30-2008, 06:13 PM

I guess I do not have a "real" question. It is just a tough situation, and I asked him to leave our home a few weeks ago. I just don't know what to do, and I do not understand this addiction(s). I guess all you can do is take it one day at a time until things "work out."
Thanks for your response.

draconis · 01-30-2008, 08:19 PM

I understand the pain you must feel, any addictive personality is hard to deal with. I wish you the best of luck and you are welcome to keep venting here if you feel it helps at all.

draconis

Doubt&Wonder · 01-31-2008, 10:10 PM

(((( HUGS )))) - I understand how you are feeling.... You and your husband are in my PRAYERS.

Doubt&Wonder · 01-31-2008, 10:12 PM

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Here are a few LINKS that maybe able to help you in seeking healing from a addiction that is stronger than being addicted to cocaine or heroine...... but never the less can be stopped.

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Dr. Douglas Weiss:

Heart to Heart Counseling Center with Douglas Weiss, Ph.D.

Sex Addiction Recovery Resources-Sex, Sex Addiction, Counseling, Sex Books, Sex Videos

Recovering Couples:

http://www.recovering-couples.org/index.html

Christian Men Supporting other Men:

Brothers For Christ Ministries - Real Men. Real Issues. Real Faith!

Christian Men's Ministry, Resource Network - Helping Men Become Disciples In Christ!!

Welcome to New Man Magazine

Setting Captives Free - Home

Sexual Recovery Anonymous:

SRA

Sexual Compulsives Anonymous:

SCA - Sexual Compulsives Anonymous

* * * * * * * * *

sarahdale24 · 02-02-2008, 11:54 PM

You said he was getting help? If so, thats great! I agree, give yourself some space, concentrate on your baby, and support him with him getting help. Let him know that you still love him, but can't deal with the addiction thing and that he HAS to get help...

gingerb · 02-07-2008, 08:19 PM

Whatever decision you make will be the right one. It's so hard to trust someone who has lied and hurt you . . . especially when there is infidelity. Just know that you are not alone. Good luck to you and congratulations on the baby.