My husband is addicted to video games but does not think so, and therefore refuses to do anything. Sometimes he will stay up late or get up early to play them. But lately he has been playing during work time. He works on the computer out of our home and lately 9 out of 10 times I go into his office he's playing games instead of working. He insists that he is not addicted and that there is no such thing as computer/video game addiction.
We also have a 1 year old and a 2 year old. One day recently I was ill so my husband said he would take the day off work so that I could rest in bed and he'd take care of the kids. He was on the computer playing video games the whole time! And lately the 2 year old is scared of him and doesn't want him to come home when he's out because "he screams" too much.
I don't know what to do. It doesn't seem to faze him that I experiencing extreme anguish. Is leaving him the only thing that will wake him up to this problem? I've told him he has to choose between me and the games but he refuses to stop them.
I want two make a suggestion here for you to try something a little out of the ordinary. Rather than calling this an addiction, call it stress relief. Naturally, your type of stress relief may be completely different than his. Somewhere, there is middle ground for you both.
Ask him to wait on playing games until you can join him. Both of you take care of the kids, get the kids to bed, tell them stories and kiss them good night. Then, both of you go shuttle off to the computers and play video games. There is a huge social component attached to video games these days. One can make really fantastic friends just over the simple Internet. I kid you not.
Rather than nit-picking him about this, use a little different angle. And, make sure that it is not games every night. Set aside a schedule for your type of stress relief and also time for kids. You all will have something to look forward to when it's your day for special time.
Even if you hate video games or loathe computers, that is no excuse not to engage him in something that he likes to do. But, it needs to be equal stress relief for everyone concerned. It can't all be games. Good luck to you.
When I met my husband he played Everquest but he was very good about only playing when I was not home or busy doing something else.We made the mistake of starting to play World of Warcraft together and that is all we did everything else was put on the back burner we had no social life chores around the house were neglected and no extra time was spent with my daughter.
This ruined our marriage and now we have both moved on I live alone with my daughter and we have a wonderful relationship.I took the game off my computer and I feel so much better for doing it.A person can become very addicted to gaming and it can ruin relationships and make a person very lazy so it is not a very healthy life style either.
Here's the signs of video game addiction imo:
1. You wake up thinking about [the game]
2. You go to sleep thinking about [the game]
3. You talk non-stop about [the game]
4. You plan your life around [the game]. e.g. I have to be home to raid, group with so and so, etc. My out of state family wants to come visit but I'm busy with [the game] or my husband or grown children want to go out but I'm busy that night because I promised my online friends that I'd be available to play [the game].
5. You forget to eat, clean, sleep because your playing [the game]
6. You get angry if you are interrupted while playing [the game]
7. Your spouse tries to talk to you and you say, "in just a minute" and then the minute turns in to 3 hours because you forgot. Why? Because you were too focused on [the game]
P.S. Yes, you CAN make very good friends playing a video game. Unfortunately, they will end up your ONLY friends because you will NOT have a life "in real life". You will have a VIRTUAL life.
This is all very much true...when i met my husband he was playing Final Fantasy XI online. I wasnt much into it at the start, but the more I watched him play, the more it interested me, so I gave it a shot, it came addicting fast, we played from the time we woke up to the time we passed out..if the family made plans to cook out, we would have them plan around a time that we wouldnt be "raiding" on the game. He played for 5-6 years, ever how long its been out, i played for 4, we just quit playing about a week ago..our son walked up to my H and asked to go fishin, and H told him he couldnt cause he didnt have the money due to payin for the game.
It clicked in my H head that he didnt want to take away from our son to play a game, so he quit paying for it.. we were paying $50 a month to play it...
Its very addicting and can ruin lives, relationships, even make you emo at times... I agree with Lost, the only solution is to give up the game, maybe if you throw reality in his face, and go stay with family or friends for a while, he will wake up and see that the game isnt worth losing his family over.
Im sorry you're going thru this, its a long hard process to get an addicted gamer to realize the addiction and to fix it, hope it works out in the end for you. Best of luck.
I love your post.. in fact I was going to post something very similar. My husband and I have 5 month old twins as well as his two teenage daughters from a previous marriage so you would think we had our hands full right? Wrong I have my hands full and he is busy playing Wow. It is infuriating. He spent 6 hours trying to figure out how to build a tunnel so that he could play at work without getting caught but he can't even come up with one single idea for a date night with me. I have tried to let it slide but now it is getting ridiculous and I am starting to feel completely ignored... he even would rather play the game then have sex now. So.. I can't give advice at this point but I can say that I feel your pain.
In regard to the WoW addicted husbands, I am going to assume that as soon as they gear themselves with their Tier 9 set, they should be set until the net expansion comes out. I'm a WoW player myself, although I never let it interfere with my actual offline life.
Men love their video games, and this is something I never understood until I started playing WoW myself. It helps me relieve the stress of a long day.
I limit myself. If I raid I will only do it once or twice a week.
Its too bad they don't make video games men like that involve a nursery and baby care tasks that they could get hooked on.
Something to teach them how to change diapers, disinfect the changing table, give a baby a bath. Just think, if a man could get addicted to a game like that, he could go from VIRTUAL REALITY to REALITY !
but they never make any of those games that are popular to men with any useful purpose.
Maybe after the nursery one someone could make the nagging wife one. You know, the one where no matter what you do or how much you do it, it's always nag nag nag nag nag? Then, when you finally beat the game your virtual wife no longer has sex with you...then Virtual Reality can become Reality.
I am sorry chouston u are going through these issues! I have a video game addict husband, he can spend up to 8 hours a day playing games, I cant stand it! The only way it has settled down "mildly" is I told him how much it bothers/annoys me and that I would love to spend some time with him when I come home from work, so now he has set times that he plays, either while I am at work or in the middle of the night(he is an insomniac) probably due to the dam video games lol He works nights so when he gets home at 1am, I go to bed, he gets on the games...fun stuff, try talking to him, or schedule set times that he can play, for example from 6pm-8pm until dinner is ready, then have him shut it off at least while you guys eat dinner. Also try and schedule activites for the weekends/plans, go the movies, dinner, out to the mall, whatever, just to get out of the house, I think the main reason certain people get so addicted to the video games is to kill time and because they are bored, but I truly believe if people understood how pissed off it makes their SO, they should work with them to come through with a solution that both parties will be happy with, I hope it all works out!
Been there! I was playing WoW very hardcore when I found out about my wife's affair, then stopped cold. But guess what - it wasn't really the gaming that was the issue. It's just an 'escape' and a way to keep busy.
A few months later I went back to WoW because it was the only emotionally-pain-free time I had.