sophiabrianna09

Hello,

My husband might be addicted to chat lines. I found out last year in February that he was calling chat lines. I was 2 months pregnant and he confessed to me that he did call and that it was a phase that he went through. He apologized for what he did and promised me that he will never do it again. Well, yesterday, I found a secret cell phone and there were phone numbers of chat lines. He has a company phone and a personal cell phone. When I found out last yr he told me that I was going to get the detailed phone bill so I can see that he is not calling. So, basically since I found out I think he has had that secret cell phone. What do I do? I confronted him last night and he didn't say anything. Oh, and when he promised last yr. He said if he does it again it will be over between us. Well, he left yesterday around 7pm and came home around 12am. He hasn't spoken to me. I approached the conversation twice in the morning and just right now. He doesn't tell me anything......

dobo

What do you want to do?

He's going to lie. And he's probably going to get a different phone. So you can't really stop him.

But he is spending your money. And I think you have a right to ask him to account for all of the money he's spending. Credit cards? Look at all of your bills.

And it is a good idea to get an idea of your finances, anyway. Because you might need to kick him out.

Tell him that you REQUIRE an honest and complete accounting for his acitivites as well as for the money he has spent. Also check his computer because who knows if he is hooking up with people, too.

cimunique

there are alot of support groups out there. COSA is just one of the many great ones. i've experienced what u r going through for 6 yrs. it's easy for someone to tell u to put ur husband out, yet it is a hard thing to do. what-ever u do don't beat him down about it. do research. put him in ur shoes. Ask him questions like " how would u feel if I was doing what u r doing? listen to his answer. He's not answering u about any of ur question are for two reasons. 1. he really don't know why he is doing what he is. 2. the women on those lines make it easy as hell. and that become addictive. I would advise u to test the chatline urself. Don't go on as a woman go on as a male and listen to some of the greetings. 80% of them don't care if they are married. My husband got creative when it came down to the chatline. He bought pre-paid phones and changed his name for the women per phone. i knew my husband would lie so instead of questioning him I called the women. each told me it was just phone sex, texting and picture mail. yet these are women who knew he was married and i know my husband . just phone sex sure. some women had been talking to him for months on an everyday base. u have to keep in mind these women are after ur husband and let me tell u they are not getting him yelling screaming or even asking about u. truth of the matter is they may not even know about u. Most men I have asked says they play out fantasies. What is the best fantasy for a married man? To pretend he is single again. And the chatline open that door. It's not that ur husband don't love u anymore , but honestly they are not giving him any drama.key word is EASY. U will need to get therapy for the both of u if u guys want the marriage to work. Yet dont beat him down with harsh words. i learned the hard way talking in anger isn't good. For u tend to say harsh words that u can't take back. Oh and when u say u want to talk about it , be prepared to hear things that will hurt u, make u made and want to scream. ask him how he would feel if u his wife was behaving this way with other men? Listen to the answers he give . sometimes they tell us why its sometimes just not the answer a wife would want to hear. Good luck sweetie

steve71

Sophia,

cimunique has talked a great deal of very good sense, mixed with a lot of humanity, in her posting above this one.

I have some experience of addictions - which ones aren't too important - and want to add some words of encouragement. There is hope.

The addict's self-loathing is on your side. Many, if not all, crave the opportunity to break out of the cycle of frenzied compulsion and empty despair.

The challenge is to find the right time for the addict to see that life free of compulsion is vastly more rewarding than obsessively pursuing the next elusive thrill - that's the thrill so overpowering they'll never want another...

And of course that thrill never comes. The next drink will be more potent, the next voice sexier, the next smoke more cosmic...The addict has to use their own volition to break the cycle but cimunique's hard-won suggestions of counseling - and avoiding forcing your man into a corner - couldn't be bettered. Good luck!

lost&empty

This has been a repeating problem in my marriage as well. Kicking him out seems so hard. But at this point I have to think about how much this is killing me inside. He is still living with me, and I am thinking about counseling but I don't know if I can ever trust him again.

nurse1

that is how i feel...how can i trust him when all he does is lie to me about this stuff. he sneaks off to the garage or the bathroom to talk on chatlines, i love my husband so much and i don't want a divorce so I have made an appointment on monday to see a marriage counselor who specializes in addiction. I am going by myself to learn how i can live a happier life with him despite the addiction. God bless you and keep posting, it helps me a lot to know there are others out there going through this

MarieJaniyaNelson

ware! He could very well be telling the truth. If it's a phone you're talking about I once got a huge bill for the same sort of thing. I didn't even accuse my husband because I know he wouldn't do that. It turned out someone simply decided to use our phone # and put everything on our bill. I phoned "Telus" our telephone company in British Columbia, and they checked it out and took it off my bill. If it's the web, your husband (or you) could have given out info that other people could use and basically do the same thing that would happen on your phone bill.

Check your desktop on your computer and or "documents" and see if he has saved any info to keep contacting these type of chatlines. If you have kids in the family they could well be doing this too. Sex is the easiest thing to bring up on a computer whether you go hunting for these sites or not.

I'd give your husband a break. People using other people's phone numbers or email accounts for this sort of thing is nothing new. Report it to your phone company or your server and get it straightened out.