Kayla

I have a question for men. I have found some very explicit conversations my husband has with other women online. Upon me approaching him with this information; he has vehemently denied it. He says that "the emails are old" none of the emails are old but that's what he says. And then he says what was I doing in his email ,and that I have no business being in his email!!! What does this mean? My husband has promised me that he would stop this behavior ,but time after time, after time, and again; I catch him. And it is making me so angry.

Riverside MFT

Kayla, it sounds like underneath that anger is a lot of hurt, betrayal, lack of trust, fear, and pain. I am so sorry! Your husband is in the midst of a relatively serious addiction. When men get invovled in sexual addictions, they are seeking to have their emotional needs met through sexual means. You have to know, YOU ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR HIS BEHAVIORS. Even if there are things that you need to improve on in your relationship with him, he is ultimately responsible for his own decisions.

Spouses who are confronted about their addictive behaviors will often get defensive, lie, and then make it out to be as if you are the bad guy in the situation. The truth is, your husband is hurting and is trying to get his needs met through these explicit conversations he is having. It is very sad that he doesn't feel like he can turn to you to have his needs met. When the time is right, approach him calmly and let him know that you are willing to listen to anything he needs to talk to you about. If there comes a point where he opens up to you about this addiction, don't get mad at him, but try and find it in yourself to love him. I would suggest writing your hurt feelings in a journal or diary. Get these feelings out in your journal. You do not have to share this journal with your husband, nor do you need to hide it. It could be very beneficial if he was "snooping" around and read some of your feelings about this situation in your journal.

Again, I am so sorry. Good luck!

Kayla

Thank you so much. This has truly helped me. I am so broken inside that I can't even explain. I want out so bad , but my son loves him dearly. Thank you, your advice was very refreshing and most needed. God bless you.

Cherry

What does this mean exactly? Nothing against your words, it's just that I've seen this before when it comes to "anything addiction", but in this particular scenario, we're talking about a guy who enjoys chatting in depth with women online... The only thing I see that he's making up for with these chats are talking dirty with strangers, which he can't do because he's married.

He's doing more than just chatting naughty with these woman, he's lying about it too. "those are old"... then he tries to reflect the issue... "what are doing looking through those anyway?"...

Typical of someone who needs to be set straight and reminded that's he's married.

2galsmom

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Hope1964

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Understanding the Pain - required reading for WS's
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Ignis

You have right to be angry and you should express it! Denial is an alarm and you should do something about it.

It is quite possible that your husband is addicted to sex, porn and similar - and you have to understand you can not control his addiction and behaviour at all.

You need to care for yourself and give him an ultimate. You deserve full functioning marriage, you deserve all attention from your husband, you deserve much better! if he is not willing to give it, than make some serious step in your life.

that_girl

It means your husband is cheating on you.

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themagicalbeing2013

if he is not even honest about the situation.. then you have a big problem.. It depends on your relationship if having an experience like this maybe just something he wanted to try, but it is nothing serious... and he could just tell you that and maybe say that he was sorry.., but he is denied it.. then it is maybe something serious happening with the other person.