Relationships and AddictionWhether it's drugs, alcohol, gambling, sex, pornography, or anything else, addictions can be detrimental to the health of a relationship.
Dobo. Looks like you've got some issues spoiling YOUR objectivity. This poster clearly states a couple of times that these are not children he is looking at. And with your 2,000 posts or whateve it is, I doubt you have 100% solid fact on your side every time. You sometimes go with your gut maybe? I am an older man and may have a little more objectivity than a women in this matter. And I found it amusing that all of the women were looking at this guy as a mainly straight man with a passing interest in looking at nude young men, when flat-out "gay" is WITHOUT A DOUBT the more apt description.
And OF course looking at internet porn COULD lead to child molestations. But based on the number of people looking at porn vs. the number of child abductions, I'd say there is NOT a conclusive connection.
But look. I don't want this to get carried away as a case of semantics between you and me. This woman wants to know what is going on with her husband. And I think my description of him being your average gay man that for some reason got into a heterosexual marriage is a lot closer than some of these other nonsense theories being spewed. Let's hope no one from the gay lobby is reading this. A child molester just because he likes gay porn? PL-EASE!!
Last edited by cody5; 10-27-2009 at 02:55 PM.
Reason: content
I'm pretty much on the side of the fence here that says he is gay, and for whatever reason, has been trying to live the life of a heterosexual man. I have actually known several men to do this; a few actually left their spouses to live instead of hide. A couple I know will NEVER come out, nor will they pursue an actual relationship with a man, because of the stigma and ostracization they would face from the people they love. For them looking at porn is their ONLY outlet. One friend in particular, is half in and half out of the closet (don't ask don't tell mentality). He prefers boyish looking men...not because he has pedophile tendancies, but because "manly" looking men intimidate him. So, he goes for the younger guys, the babyfaced ones, little facial hair, etc. NOTHING about children excites him...he just likes twinkies (boyish looking men).
The problem I DO have with what her H is doing is that he is viewing hidden cams from a college locker room...those guys on there, would likely be mortified if they knew that they were being cammed. It's just not right; it infringes on their personal rights.
Cody, your statements were general and give the impression that you believe these things in all cases. Yes, the guy is gay. But your other comments are not factual. And I never said looking at porn = molester. But looking at child porn would be an indication of risk. The OP clarified that it wasn't child porn. However in your statement, you didn't seem to distinguish what kind of porn you were talking about.
"And don't worry about your children. Men looking at young girls/boys on the internet don't want to rape their daughters/sons. That's just rediculous."
And sorry, there is no such thing as a "bisexual" guy. Those are just gay men who want to hide their true sexuality.
Your theory goes against all the research which says that everyone is on a spectrum between 100% straight and 100% gay. Of course bisexuality exists. For instance, most people when questioned will have had the occasional dream of some sort of intimate encounter with the same sex.
When we sleep, there is no censor to say, "dude, that's gay". It just all kinda hangs out
You're never wrong, are you dobo? In your zest to "win" our argument, you've kind of neglected what this woman is looking for. Am I wrong in my analysis of her husbands situation vs. all of your psychobabble?
And Mark, I've had dreams where I walk own the street in my underwear. Does that mean I'm an exhibitionist? And sorry. I'm afraid I AM 100% heterosexual, and I'm not saying that from a neanderthal "I'm all man" perspective. The thought of touching a man in a NON SEXUAL situation grosses me out, and I'm sure most heterosexual men agree. Gays may be a little different in that going through the other door is at least socially acceptable, but they're still gay, not bi. I've got nature AND nurture pushing me away.
Sometimes all of you professional forum posters stray a little too far from regular guy/gal reality.
I can't imagine there is anyone less qualified to comment on the existence of bisexuality than myself. But the only time I have ever heard anyone say "I'm bisexual", it was in the context of "look how cool I am, I'm bisexual". And it's usually women. Women have less fear (repulsion?) of same sex intimacy than do men.
I have no knowledge of male bisexuality. I have read PLENTY, however, on homosexuals who live heterosexual lives in public but gay lifestyles in private. But again, I think the purpose of this board is to help the people with problems, not have discussions amongst ourselves.
This woman is confused about her husbands actions. That being said, her husband is gay (or bisexual, but I'm sure it doesn't matter to her). He is a man. Men look at internet porn. When looking at intenet porn, the "teen" category is the most popular. On the sites I see, teen means 18-19. And it is the rare site where they look to be younger. My gay friend and I agree that when the rare site comes up where they truly ARE children, we are repulsed and exit immediately.
Her husband is normal. She has to deal with the fact that he went into her marriage under false pretenses, but the rest of his actions are normal male. That's all I'm saying. You, me, and Dobo can continue the "Cody is a Neanderthal" discussion elsewhere. But in this thread, say something that helps this board member that I haven't already articulated (rather accurately, if I say so myself. I think I've nailed this one).
Members such as you and Dobo do a great service to people with problems here. But sometimes the layman's opinion can help also.
The only other thing i got out of him was that it was just something that "slightly interested him for the moment..."and " was nothing he would ever actually do". The things that make me think he just might be gay is our sex life- everyother guy ive been with we had sex all the time . [sorry to be so graphic] but all i had to say was i want sex and BAm they are hard and ready to go- but with my H its like we have to just lay there and do slow boring forplay for 30 freakin minutes and by the time he's ready to go. im so over it and just plain annoyed.. Ive never had this problem with anyone. and i dont know how to deal with it. and its not exactly something you want to talk to your H about but you know you need to like hey I m pretty sure your gay and by the way the sex is great----but can you get hard faster and skip all the awkward forplay ....
its just makes me feel like he's not really attracted to me at all that im not sexually appealing to him otherwise he would be more aggressive in OUR sex life rather then him going to porn all the time. its annoying Porn does nothing for me i dont have an outlet . wheres my fun in life?.... i think ive pretty much scared my husband out of looking at men online from here on outbecause the two times he's done it since we've been together ive caught him .--- i dont knowits a very hard situation- me being oregnant and already having had one child i dont exactly feel as sexy as I use to be pre babies..on top of that we hardly have sex and i think the reasons are that im not attractive enough anymore and he'd rather look at other woman and men online then have sex with me.... my body is only going to get worse with time and i doubt ill look as good as i did after the first baby once i have baby #2. its bringing me down. i dont know how to talk to him about it- when i know all he is going to say is your wrong i love you what i look as doesnt change how i feek about you ur the most beautiful girl to me blah blah blah--- he has a crappy way of showing me.
If he is in fact gay, don't think just because you found out he was looking that he will stop. He's just going to figure out a way around getting caught. Honestly, he can very well love you, and think you are beautiful, and not want to hurt you...but if he is gay, then he is living a lie and not just hurting you, but hurting himself immensly. Does he look at "straight" porn also??
As far as your looks, why be so down on yourself!! Yes, having babies changes your body, but it does not HAVE to be for the worse. I have two boys, ages 2 and 4 and I look BETTER than I did before I had our first son! I feel sexier and more confident than I ever have, and my H tells me that I get more beautiful each day. Do things for yourself, take care of yourself and you will feel a LOT better about who you are.
If he's gay (and I'm more convinced now than ever now), his attraction to you (or lack thereof) is not your fault. You could be Rhianna and it wouldn't matter (I LOVE Rhianna). And sex is the least of your problems. His marriage to you was a lie. That's the problem you need to deal with. Once you deal with THAT, if you even CAN, you can work on the sex later.
I'm a guy, so it's different, but if I found out my wife were gay and needed to look at lesbian porn while she let me have my way with her, I'd be fine with it. (What am I talking about: it would be AWESOME!!).
Cody, I know men who are primarily hetero but still enjoy penetration and they're not averse to cum. You can claim what you will, but as far as I can tell, you have a limited understanding of male sexuality.
And yeah, guys think it is cool that their woman would be into having sex with other women. They never consider that it might eventually lead to their being excluded. You're unfortunately, a typical, selfish man. You honestly think you'd be included? Hardly.
Further, it is always interesting that if the man is considered to be gay, other men are automatically put off. Why is it impossible that the woman could be included if he were gay?
If my husband wanted sex with another man, I would consider it. I love him. It wouldn't be about me. It'd be about him.
Men, OTOH, think having a "BI" woman is cool. Their fantasy.
Dobo. Like I said to Mark, this isn't about me. (But I still think I know a little more about male sexuality than you, by the way. The "wife as a lesbian" thing was a joke. Loosen up).
Tell this woman something to make her feel better about marrying a man who lied to her, and continues to do so, about his sexuality. I may not know the full extent of male bisexuality, but I know betrayal, and this is betrayal.
So let's end this. OK. You won. You know more than me. I'm an idiot. Now get back on track and let your inellectual superiority help this woman out.
I don't care what you call it: gay, straight, bi....the point is he's looking at porn all the time instead of focusing his sexual energy onto you. I'm an idealist. I think my husband should share his fantasies w/me and I'd listen and not judge. I know for a fact that my husband has a man-crush on Johnny Depp. We laugh about it because it's so ridiculous. HOWEVER....if it went to the level of my husband looking at teen porn, I'm sorry but forget it! I'd be like wtf?! I'd ask him point blank if he thinks he's bi or if he wants to be with another man? I've asked my husband that before too. He says there's a difference in admiring another man's "beauty" (whatever) and in looking at guys' bodies on the internet. My husband looks at women-porn. Again, whatever. I think if it grosses you out that he looks at men/teen porn then you tell him it bothers you and ask him to go to counseling with you to work on that. It may be a deeper issue as others have said above. I know what being pregnant is like so it's easy for everything to irritake the heck out of you...much less your husband acting like a FREAK. It may come out (no pun intended) in counseling that he prefers men...who knows? But wouldnn't you rather find out now than when you catch him trolling gay bars in 20 years? Assert yourself and get some answers.
Re: Husband looks at teen boy porn
