Relationships and AddictionWhether it's drugs, alcohol, gambling, sex, pornography, or anything else, addictions can be detrimental to the health of a relationship.
I've known for the thre years ive been married that in the past my husband was curious about naked men and what not but he said it was just a phase just a fantasy and that he didnt really wanna have sex with a man. but last night i saw that he had been looking at porn again but this time he searched for "teen boy caught undressing' he's into that voyeur stuff - like hidden cameras looking up skirts and stuff . which throws me off cause sometime he will be watching me undress and shower and i dont know it and it kinda freaks me out. but NOW this? looking at girls is one thing but now the girls he loks at are all under the title TEEN and now he is looking at TEEn boys I dont know what to do I asked him last night if i shgould be concerened about what he looks up on the computer and he just turned and finished doing the dishes i kept trying to talk to him and tell him im not upset or disgusted [ which i AM] but he just kept quiet and wouldnt say a word... now today next day he acts like nothing happened last night. IM so confused i dont know what to do i dont wanna find out later down the road that he is cheating on me with anyone let alone another man
It may be that his porn use is frequent enough that he gets bored and moves on to more taboo stuff to get turned on....just a guess...I would ask him if he thinks porn viewing gets more extreme as time goes on in order to get aroused by it....if he says 'yes' then ask him if he thinks that's a red flag or problem....
It's a shame to hear you have been very understanding about his porn use, yet he doesn't even acknowledge you or respond when you have questions. That alone would lead me to believe he is not ready to confront it.
in the same boat as you... found out that my husband is looking at young men pictures... he has been on the computer a lot the last year... don't know what to do... have kids and have been together for a long time...
I do think there's cause for concern. Counseling is in order to find out the source of the intrigue and the extent of his affinity. You need to find out if he has ever acted on this. As a mother, I find it disturbing for any man to be sexually aroused by a child. Contact a pastor or reputable counselor to find out the steps to take.
On the other hand, don't panic or become over anxious about the situation, as you may have difficulty getting him to open up about it. You handled the situation the right way when you asked him about it in a normal tone without accusation. If he feels interrogated, he may not be willing to budge and it may actually cause things to worsen.
I would try to keep things relaxed in his presence, but I would go with my gut on this one. His desires are outside the normal realm. Get some professional advice as to where to go from here.
In the meantime, watch how he interacts with children. Be a little more vigilant about his body language in public. You may be able to gather more understanding of what's going on with him by his nonverbal cues.
All this said, don't jump to conclusions. A counselor may say that he has become desensitized and thinks nothing of it. If that's the case, you'd just be preventing anything from escalating in continuing down that path. You have to ask yourself, "What next?"
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--M22
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud..... it always perseveres.
You are correct in feeling upset with this. It is a perversion and wrong. Men like your husband perpetuate child abuse, such as that necessary for photos of naked CHILDREN to be on the internet; he is part of the twisted audience.
If it were my husband he would be my husband for as long as it takes to file and obtain a divorce. If you have children, be sure you have evidence of his perversion so he only gets supervised visits.
They aren't children he is looking at if that were the case i would be filing for divorce the website was a college dorm locker room hidden camera.
Either way I feel werid around him now I dont want to have any intimate contact i feel gross
Thanks for the clarification. I was picturing 13, 14, 15 yr old boys and girls. However, I would still check with someone about the behavior. The constant hunger for more excitement will be fed by things increasingly more taboo if not dealt with.
I'm sorry you're dealing with this, but it sounds like you are being very sensible.
__________________
--M22
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud..... it always perseveres.
ive told him i dont care if he looks at porn just not on the computer cause it causes viruses. and if he so chooses to still do this to keep it to porn stars that every one looks at and not normal people. and ESPECIALLY not people that0 live in the same area as us. and that joining as a member to these sites is NOT ok either. I semi talked to him again and he said the only reason he types in teen is because if he didnt it would only show old people.... but i just replied and said well you still looked up guys. and im confused and not sure how to go about being ok with this and that i just need time to wrap my head around it and for him to not expect me to be affectionate anytime soon---he said i was dumb and emotional[ im 9 weeks pregnant]and that what he looked at idnt change how he felt about me... that may be true but what he doesnt understand is what he looks at makes me change the way i feel about him
I can see why that was a hurtful response. Although emotions can run high during pregnancy, you deserve a better response and I honestly don't think your feelings on the matter boil down to a hormone surge. From his perspective, understand that when anyone is caught doing something they're embarrassed about (his emabarrasment in the matter is apparent by the way he fell silent on the issue when you first brought it up), they become defensive. He had no right to say those things to you but you know it was because he was lashing out in justification.
If he's blaming it on hormones, then tell him that it's all the more reason for him to be supportive and understanding during this time. Tell him that you need affirmation.
As I've told others, please know that this is his own addiction and has nothing to do with you. Please don't allow that which holds him captive to make you feel like less of a woman. Porn addiction isn't about a woman's looks or who she is. It's the same as alcohol or drug addcition.
Don't put any added pressure on yourself. As a pregnant mom, you need to take good care of yoursef. I'm sorry.
__________________
--M22
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud..... it always perseveres.
I can tell it is all women responding. I hope you have come to the obvious conclusion that your husband is gay. And sorry, there is no such thing as a "bisexual" guy. Those are just gay men who want to hide their true sexuality.
And "teen" in reference to internet porn usually refers to 18, 19 year olds (although surely some younger are thrown in).
And don't worry about your children. Men looking at young girls/boys on the internet don't want to rape their daughters/sons. That's just rediculous.
Your husband is just exhibiting standard behavior of a gay adult male. He is 100% fine (except for the fact that he lived a lie about his sexuality).
Husband looks at teen boy porn
