Relationships and AddictionWhether it's drugs, alcohol, gambling, sex, pornography, or anything else, addictions can be detrimental to the health of a relationship.
My significant other watches porn every other day to everyday.He watches his TV shows every day and eats junk food non-stop. I cant help him because he's a grown guy. We dont live together, since we both live with our parents still. And I am getting tired of him disrespecting me lately. When we go out he looks at other women in short skirts or tight clothes right in front of me. The last time I could not help but knock him right there in front of everyone. I feel completely frustrated and find myself not wanting to be with him anymore. He does what he wants and I am getting tired of him being stubborn and getting his own way. This happens every few months over the past seven years we've been together. And what makes me upset is that after he says sex has been so incredible and then the next day he has the urge to watch porn and masturbate. He tries to lie to me about it and I am getting fed up. He wants us to get married next year and I dont want to because I can see he's an "I" person and not quite there at "US." On top of that, his mother molested him for fourteen years and he still hasnt gotten help with that. There are some boundaries with her, but I can see after he's seen her, he acts very hostile and becomes sneaky to me. And it turns out that she also instigates against me as well as talk about her sex life with his dad's sister's husband.
I feel that since my significant other is not in a better personal situation, that he's not ready for marriage. I am getting tired of his lies, money spending, porn addiction, b1tchy instigating mom, disrespecting wandering eyes and I feel like I want to explode.
When we were first together many girls would come from nowhere until I found out that his so-called friends were setting him up to break us up. He is very passive-aggressive when he doesnt want to deal with things and it made me look like a witch when I would fight for us. Then some of the members in his family (his mom and brother) would fight against me. His brother would fight against me because his other so-called friend was still instigating about me. After he left the picture, the brother and my relationship is a bit shaky, not as good as it used to be since we also grew up together. And now there is his mother, and my significant other's addictions that I dont want to deal with anymore because it has been 2 years and I am tired of waiting to see any improvement.
All I do see is that he still cares for me, but at the same time tries to lie (I can see right through him) and that he has his goals of marriage, family, and a house together.
I dont know what to do. When I am with him I enjoy most of the times I am with him. He is usually very good to me and very attentive, but other times he's a jerk and I am getting tired of it. When we have a conversation, we cant have one because he watches TV or allows his family to continuously interrupt. He says things will change once we get married, but I know it's a lie. I've told him things will not change and that marriage will give him the opportunity to only hide behind me as he does now in front of others.
On my part I take care of my family and help contribute to the household since my mom is a single parent of four children. Me being the eldest takes its toll a bit since I have to take care of the house-hold if my mother can only do so much as she is sick with her stomach and the main breadwinner of the household. My father is a leech and comes over for free dinners, but we dont let him in anymore. I try to continue school, but am falling behind. I am stressed out that I am not bringing in enough money to help out and all I feel like doing is exploding.
I feel like if my significant other can just do these simple things for me then it would be nice. But he insists that he'll stop the porno, he insists that he's already buff enough. Making love to him sucks because he has a huge pot-belly and he's only 24. I cant stand it anymore and all I ever think about now is fking every hot intelligent guy I see. I am very open about how I feel and have told my significant other how I feel. and have informed my siblings on to acting on their part, but nothing seems to improve and that's what really bugs me.
I think you know exactly what you have to do. This person is not someone you could build a good life with and you know it. End the relationship and stop putting up with bad behaviour and disrespect - you deserve better.
I think you know exactly what you have to do. This person is not someone you could build a good life with and you know it. End the relationship and stop putting up with bad behaviour and disrespect - you deserve better.
I concur, this guy will just continue to be this way. DO you want to deal with this a year from now, two years, ten years?
Thank you all for your response. I am definitely thinking about it.
I love him a lot and we grew up together, but we have different paths. He works full time while I attend school full time and work part time. Our goals to be together are the same, but the grey areas in the relationship scream at me.
I was really afraid to marry the guy because I felt it is too soon. As strange as it sounds I see me stuck in a spider web and he's the blood-sucking spider.
I've been telling him for days that I do not want to marry until my late mid-twenties. If not I will just let him go to find another wife since he seems so desperate and keen on having a wife now. I am not a person to be controlled and I wont let him, but if he wants his way then he'll just have to do it with someone else. I told him that yesterday and today. It didnt seem like he "heard" me all he did seem to hear were his own thoughts. But I didnt care, all I cared about was getting my message through.
I am young, I may not be a virgin anymore, but with great qualifications and a good personality I believe that I can get an ideal man out there.
Like I used to tell him. I am a woman on a train, either he hops on or off, either way I'm still going straight forward.
I am young, I may not be a virgin anymore, but with great qualifications and a good personality I believe that I can get an ideal man out there.
Like I used to tell him. I am a woman on a train, either he hops on or off, either way I'm still going straight forward.
Good for you, there is nothing better then a person that is strong and independant, knowing what they want and need. It is amazing you have so much confidence in you I hope you always carry that with you.
All these things he is doing have one thing in common. They all raise the level of "feel good" chemicals in the brain. In most cases people who partake in things that cause them to feel better are doing it because they feel bad in their general day to day life.
The reason they feel bad is because they are genetically different from others and their brains do not use the chemicals (serotonin, dopamine, norepinephrine) correctly causing them to suffer from lower levels in the brain. These chemicals are mood regulators and if you don't have enough the feelings can range from irritated to profoundly depressed and everything in between.
Often people don't know what's wrong. All they know is that if they:
masturbate to porn
eat junk food
have a lot of sex with different people
gamble
drink alcohol or take drugs
go bungee jumping...etc etc etc...
....they feel better.
The basic mood most people have is a flat line which goes up and down depending on what is going on in our lives..this is normal. But for some who's moods are chemically dysregulated they find themselves below the line most of the time. This gives them an overwhelming need to make themselves feel better and this is why they do what they do.
This is not a lack of character thing or the actions of a person with loose morals or little self control. These are the actions of people who are just trying to get through the day and feel better. It is both psychologically and physically damaging to feel bad all day every day, or at least MOST of the time.
What helps these people is getting on proper prescription medication (usually one of various kinds of antidepressants) which slowly, over a matter of a few weeks, up regulate the mood (by increasing your natural mood chemical's availability to be used by the brain) and this calms the compulsions people feel to act out or abuse food, sex or booze/drugs.
People can stop these things on their own but it takes enormous willpower and a lot of suffering trying to ignore the urge and needs they constantly feel.
Mood regulating medicine will kill the urge, making it much easier to stop the self abuse and acting out.
See you Doctor or a good psychotherapist/psychiatrist.
I think you should dump this idiot. You have so much more responsiblity than he does. You are basically taking care of a household while he constantly plays with your self esteme. Too much drama for you in your life right now.
i think it is time to move on. He has a lot of issues and problems he needs to work out on his own. You already told him how you feel and he has not made any changes? I think that is the beginning of the end. Since you are so young maybe if you date around a bit and give him omeime to himself he will come around. Even if you guys dont end up together.
non-stop addiction: porn food masturbating 
