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Relationships and Addiction Whether it's drugs, alcohol, gambling, sex, pornography, or anything else, addictions can be detrimental to the health of a relationship.

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Old 07-26-2008, 12:28 AM   #16 (permalink)
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It is good to see you are willing to change for your family and listen to te needs. I hope you the best and remember we are always here if you need anything.

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Old 07-29-2008, 02:30 PM   #17 (permalink)
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My husband is addicted to video games. at first i just became the jealous wife and tried to control him. then i went to a therapist and the therapist explained to me that it was a mental release from reality for him. So i guess he was just really stressed out and needed a breather. I do the same thing with reading. So i started to join in more, encourage him, read up about what he liked to play, and even play myself. He actually doesnt play much anymore.
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Old 08-04-2008, 03:29 PM   #18 (permalink)
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My wife hates video games. I begged her to come play on several occassions but, she would have nothing to do with it. My daughters gladly played with ol' dad.

Still, I am over the one month mark with no games and I feel positive about the changes I am making. I am attending the gym everyday and dealing with my depression issues by pumping iron again. I had fogotten why I used to love going to the gym. The gym smell of sweat, metal, someone grimacing to eak out that last rep and the racquetball hitting the wall in the courts several rooms over.

It's good to be home again.
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Old 09-26-2008, 04:28 PM   #19 (permalink)
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My wife used to play City of Heroes religiously, and once she discovered WoW, she made the switch. I'd already lost her to COH and was getting resentful and bitter, and things are worse with WoW. I have 2 jobs and she has none, our son is in daycare all day and she's just sitting there playing. The addictive personalities mixed with these games can ruin marriages! Plus the relationships that develop between gamers can cross certain lines as well.
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Old 09-26-2008, 04:43 PM   #20 (permalink)
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why is your son in daycare if she doesn't work? Would stopping daycare allow you to go down to 1 job?
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Old 09-26-2008, 04:54 PM   #21 (permalink)
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why is your son in daycare if she doesn't work? Would stopping daycare allow you to go down to 1 job?
Pulling him from daycare would be an option if i thought that my wife would actually get involved with him. He learns so much there and has started the pre-school program this year. My fear is that he'd end up watching tv all day while she played her WoW. If i thought that he'd be okay at home, i'd definitely pull him out and quit the 2nd job.
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Old 10-14-2008, 01:57 PM   #22 (permalink)
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Man....here we go.

I have been a gamer since the early 80's. My parents divorced when I was young and gaming took my mind away to a different place where I felt I had control and also away from the hurt I felt towards that whole divorce situation.

I'm 39 now and I still revert to that place where I feel I have control. That is, until my wife of 12 years told me that she didn't feel like she wanted to be married to me anymore.

Granted, gaming was a huge part of life and took away some of the pressure of my everyday job and normal stresses of life but, clearly to a point where I have neglected my wife and three children.

Gaming is not the only thing I am guilty of for leading my wife to the brink of ending our marriage. I left her to deal with the kids, the expenses, her job, house work, and the list goes on while I simply locked myself away in computer games. When she asked me if something was ok for her to do, I would concede to appease her for the moment, then get disgruntled later for letting her do it. I think that is called lieing.

In short, our communication has been less than stellar and gaming was not helping the situation at all.

Shame on me....

Now, my marriage is very fragile and I am begging for wife to stay. I sat down one night at our dining table and told her to tell me everything that has frustrated her in our marriage. She is not one to make waves and fears retaliation if she speaks up. I reassured her that I was going to keep my mouth shut and just listen.

She let me have it...both barrels. I took it as honest criticism and asked her to give me some time to make changes and show her that I can be that person that she originally married. She was very reluctant at first but, I am staying the course.

She means the world to me. I could not see myself without her or my children. I have since thrown all my games away. I sit at the table and eat dinner..not at the computer. I go on walks with the family, I do housework, I opened a seperate account to handle an equal portion of the bills, I play with the kids, I spend quality time with my wife now.

She's starting to cheer up and hopefully....able to fall in love with me again.

I am resolute to mend my marriage and the gaming path can never be looked upon or tred again.

Im in a similar situation as Dan-O, I am addicted to Warcraft, I use it as an escape for almost everything in life, were I should be helping my family I choose to help myself by fading away into a online world.To the point I simply forget the world around me, the tasks I should be doing. I think I use it to help with possible depression or self esteem issues. Im no expert, but I cannot lose my wife! We have a 13 year old son and been married for 7 years. She is ready to leave me, and if its wasnt for our Son I believe she would have left long ago. I need to be her partner again and plan for the future, I need to take some accountability for the house we built together. Would walking away from the Game help? is there a balance?

I feel like im walking alone and its time for me to act, Normally I would go to my wife for help but at this point she has tried for years and ive just taken the easiest route to have it all go away! This time I mean it, I need to change not just for her but for my self, but of course she has heard me say this before.....
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Old 10-14-2008, 02:12 PM   #23 (permalink)
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Im in a similar situation as Dan-O, I am addicted to Warcraft, I use it as an escape for almost everything in life, were I should be helping my family I choose to help myself by fading away into a online world.To the point I simply forget the world around me, the tasks I should be doing. I think I use it to help with possible depression or self esteem issues. Im no expert, but I cannot lose my wife! We have a 13 year old son and been married for 7 years. She is ready to leave me, and if its wasnt for our Son I believe she would have left long ago. I need to be her partner again and plan for the future, I need to take some accountability for the house we built together. Would walking away from the Game help? is there a balance?

I feel like im walking alone and its time for me to act, Normally I would go to my wife for help but at this point she has tried for years and ive just taken the easiest route to have it all go away! This time I mean it, I need to change not just for her but for my self, but of course she has heard me say this before.....
Walk away from the game if it is hurting your mariage or agree that you will only play an hour a day. I am on the other side as my wife is addicted to warcraft, but when she saw it interferring with our marriage than she cut back.

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Old 10-15-2008, 10:10 AM   #24 (permalink)
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I try not to get hooked on anything.
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Old 10-17-2008, 08:28 AM   #25 (permalink)
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dynamite101,

If your wife is ready to leave you, I would absolutely walk away from the game. If you can honestly play an hour a day and stick to it, and your wife hasn't said you need to totally stop then there may be balance but at this point I would be more worried about making sure your wife knows that she is the priority and not the game. When you play, do you find yourself thinking about it when you aren't playing? At this point she needs to know you are 100% there for her and your child.
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Old 10-17-2008, 02:59 PM   #26 (permalink)
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dynamite101,

If your wife is ready to leave you, I would absolutely walk away from the game. If you can honestly play an hour a day and stick to it, and your wife hasn't said you need to totally stop then there may be balance but at this point I would be more worried about making sure your wife knows that she is the priority and not the game. When you play, do you find yourself thinking about it when you aren't playing? At this point she needs to know you are 100% there for her and your child.
Its been 6 days since ive logged on, I have attempted to let my wife know my commitment to help and therapy. I was admit ed to the local urgent care unit in town and a team of Nurses,Doctors,Psychologists and Psychiatrists are helping me cope with the Depression, Addiction and other mental issues.But alas to no avail, we are now in the process of splitting ive hurt and neglected my wife for to many years. The temptation to just log on and forget about my pain is overwhelming it has been my crutch for everything for so long. The unfortunate part is seeking help for a Gaming Addiction is almost impossible. Most Psychologists have heard of research but not many have answers to deal with it or the withdrawal of not being able to play. If I could turn back the clocks of time and seek help years ago I should have... If anyone out there even thinks they have a problem I suggest go get help NOW! dont wait till its to late like I did.
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Old 10-17-2008, 03:28 PM   #27 (permalink)
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I am so sorry to hear that. I am sure now is the worst it will get as far as temptation goes so use the doctors and whatever other support system you have in place to help you through this. The main thing right now is learning to deal with your stress and anxiety through positive means (working through it rather than hiding in the game) and you will come through better off in the end. I'm sorry you are going through this in the meantime.
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Old 10-21-2008, 02:03 PM   #28 (permalink)
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Its been 6 days since ive logged on, I have attempted to let my wife know my commitment to help and therapy. I was admit ed to the local urgent care unit in town and a team of Nurses,Doctors,Psychologists and Psychiatrists are helping me cope with the Depression, Addiction and other mental issues.But alas to no avail, we are now in the process of splitting ive hurt and neglected my wife for to many years. The temptation to just log on and forget about my pain is overwhelming it has been my crutch for everything for so long. The unfortunate part is seeking help for a Gaming Addiction is almost impossible. Most Psychologists have heard of research but not many have answers to deal with it or the withdrawal of not being able to play. If I could turn back the clocks of time and seek help years ago I should have... If anyone out there even thinks they have a problem I suggest go get help NOW! dont wait till its to late like I did.
I have been advised to move out this today but all I want is one more chance to repair the damage, but my wife is to far gone from the pain ive caused.everytime I walk by my office my instinct is to log onto Warcraft and just go Numb for a little while. Facing the loss of a friend to Cancer 2 weeks ago, getting in a Car accident 1 week ago, then my Wife telling me she is done , and for the first time in my life admiting i have an addiction is all so overwhelming. I dont want to be alone, I cant eat, sleep or even think right now.. Councilor and Psyciatric appointments are coming this week. But leaving my support system of my wife, my son, my pets... not having a secure income.. My wife wants to know, and have me sign an agreement for money.. I cant even think what im doing in the next 5 min let alone money! She is seeing a lawyer Friday (i know nothing about separation is this normal?), I have to tell my son we are separating Friday.


HELP!
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Old 10-21-2008, 02:54 PM   #29 (permalink)
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Don't sign anything at this point without talking with an attorney & I would highly recommend not using the same attorney as your wife as they will look out for her best interests, not yours.

Take one day at a time. They will be difficult but things will get better for you & the appointments will help you sort through all of these thoughts.

p.s. DON'T SIGN ANYTHING!!!
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Old 10-29-2008, 08:16 PM   #30 (permalink)
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dynamite101,

If your wife is ready to leave you, I would absolutely walk away from the game. If you can honestly play an hour a day and stick to it, and your wife hasn't said you need to totally stop then there may be balance but at this point I would be more worried about making sure your wife knows that she is the priority and not the game. When you play, do you find yourself thinking about it when you aren't playing? At this point she needs to know you are 100% there for her and your child.

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