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Relationships and Addiction Whether it's drugs, alcohol, gambling, sex, pornography, or anything else, addictions can be detrimental to the health of a relationship.

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Old 10-29-2008, 07:21 PM   #31 (permalink)
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Don't sign anything at this point without talking with an attorney & I would highly recommend not using the same attorney as your wife as they will look out for her best interests, not yours.

Take one day at a time. They will be difficult but things will get better for you & the appointments will help you sort through all of these thoughts.

p.s. DON'T SIGN ANYTHING!!!
DON'T SIGN ANYTHING, GET A LAWYER FIRST. I AGREE WITH SWEET FISH ON THIS ONE, DON'T USE THE SAME ONE.
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Old 10-30-2008, 10:57 AM   #32 (permalink)
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I'm sorry but I really can't understand people who put everything important (family, friends...) on back burner and just play some stupid game till it's too late and then they complain. Sorry, you can't turn back time. What is done is done and deal with it. I wish I could be more sympathetic but my family is about to get distroyed because my husband is spending hours playing a game called Battlefield2. I know he won't find someone on that game because it's only guys playing it but at the same time it's like he is having an affair. And it's worse when it's not another person but something else that you have to compete with. How do you compete with it? You won't win.
He sits there for hours and the only time he ever plays with kids is if they all play the game. What other normal family has 5 computers set up for gaming? There are 4 people in this house and 5 PCs. Sad, isn't it? We haven't had a family holiday in years because he spends all his money on upgrading the computers and buying new ones. And Have you noticed how I said "his" money? He thinks that because he goes to work it's "his" money and the money that I earn is "our" money. Do you know that last year alone he spent over $8000 on PCs? And then there is $460 a month that he pays for the server and all the other things to do with that stupid game because he has his own clan. It's stupid!!!! It's waist of money. I don't know how to get my husband to stop this. He thinks it's a hobby and there is nothing wrong with having a hobby. I agree, hobby is a good thing but this is addiction and not a hobby. Every 5 weeks he gets 7 days off of work and he will spend at least 16-18 hours a day playing that stupid game. If that's not waisting your life away I don't know what is. How come cigarettes come with a warning "Warning! Might be addictive." but those stupid games don't???
Wake up, people. It's not just drugs and alcohol you have to worry about these days.
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Old 11-04-2008, 01:54 AM   #33 (permalink)
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I'm sorry but I really can't understand people who put everything important (family, friends...) on back burner and just play some stupid game till it's too late and then they complain. Sorry, you can't turn back time. What is done is done and deal with it. I wish I could be more sympathetic but my family is about to get distroyed because my husband is spending hours playing a game called Battlefield2. I know he won't find someone on that game because it's only guys playing it but at the same time it's like he is having an affair. And it's worse when it's not another person but something else that you have to compete with. How do you compete with it? You won't win.
He sits there for hours and the only time he ever plays with kids is if they all play the game. What other normal family has 5 computers set up for gaming? There are 4 people in this house and 5 PCs. Sad, isn't it? We haven't had a family holiday in years because he spends all his money on upgrading the computers and buying new ones. And Have you noticed how I said "his" money? He thinks that because he goes to work it's "his" money and the money that I earn is "our" money. Do you know that last year alone he spent over $8000 on PCs? And then there is $460 a month that he pays for the server and all the other things to do with that stupid game because he has his own clan. It's stupid!!!! It's waist of money. I don't know how to get my husband to stop this. He thinks it's a hobby and there is nothing wrong with having a hobby. I agree, hobby is a good thing but this is addiction and not a hobby. Every 5 weeks he gets 7 days off of work and he will spend at least 16-18 hours a day playing that stupid game. If that's not waisting your life away I don't know what is. How come cigarettes come with a warning "Warning! Might be addictive." but those stupid games don't???
Wake up, people. It's not just drugs and alcohol you have to worry about these days.
Its been weeks since I stopped playing Warcraft. I have logged on for a brief time to get council from online friends (since ive isolated myself the real world for so many years) but I don't actually play the game and actually feel sick if I log on I use it more as a chat room right now, my councilors say this OK for now since I don't have alot of Real Life people to talk to. But no more than an hour, and if I cant limit myself then dont log on. The psychiatrist and Family Doctor has diagnosed me with Clinical Depression and ive had it for years, and I have been using Warcraft and Alcohol as a form of self medication.They are giving me medication to help with the depression, and councilors are helping me cope with the seperation from my wife and my physiological addiction . I advise anyone who is concerned about there loved ones and any possible addiction seek help NOW. Like any Addiction untill you hit rock bottom OR are ready to make the change no amount of complaining from loved ones will do anything. Maybe a form of Intervention? I dont know, but there is alot of advice out there if you ask for it from professionals how to deal with addiction in the family. It took my wife to tell me to leave the house and that we are separating for me to wake up from my years of addiction to Online Games and actually peruse the help I need. I dont have any real answers as to why a GAME can take over someones life completely, But I have real Answers to where it can lead you, and its not a good place.
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Old 11-06-2008, 03:01 PM   #34 (permalink)
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I would suggest completely walking away from the game. I think the "chat room" is now what you are going to substitute your previous addiction with. Take it from someone who is/was doing the exact same thing.
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Old 11-06-2008, 04:03 PM   #35 (permalink)
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I would suggest completely walking away from the game. I think the "chat room" is now what you are going to substitute your previous addiction with. Take it from someone who is/was doing the exact same thing.
And yes that one view of how to quit an addiction, but even my counciler today re affirmed what im doing is ok, she said its a form of weening me off the virtual world, but the more important fish to fry is my Depression, what caused it, and treatment of that. The addiction to Warcraft was a result of a bigger picture.

So yes as much as the logical side of me agree Warcraft = BAD dont play. there are many diffrent forms of treating addiction and so far so good for me. I have maybe be on Warcraft a total of 1.5 hours in the last week. And my account expires in 5 days and I have no plans to re-activate it. I have given my friends my email address, and we have a form of Voice Chat we used in game (Vent) which Im able to use if I just need to talk to my friends.
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Old 11-06-2008, 05:46 PM   #36 (permalink)
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That's great to hear man. I was also playing the same game and am letting my account expire too.

/cheer
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Old 11-06-2008, 10:45 PM   #37 (permalink)
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I have maybe be on Warcraft a total of 1.5 hours in the last week. And my account expires in 5 days and I have no plans to re-activate it.
i've heard that whenever someone tries to quit an addiction its important to try to replace it with something else. because if the security blanket is just gone and there's nothing else there to take its place, it will be that much easier to go back to it. Do you have any ideas on how to give yourself what the game was giving you?
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Old 11-06-2008, 11:02 PM   #38 (permalink)
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these games you guys talk about...they must really kick a$$...i told a friend of mine back in college who used heroin...i said"that $#!t must really be good for you to go thru all that you do for it."

he said "huh?"

i said "i've never seen you shoot without vomiting and drooling...besides everything else, you stick a needle in your arm. all for the high..i don't like ANYTHING so much that i would endure that much...

i kinda think the same about you game people. it must REALLY be cool, for you to risk relationships for and all that...

but don't ask me, i drank like a fish for 20 years!!!!
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Old 11-07-2008, 04:52 AM   #39 (permalink)
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Hehe! I have a shirt that says "WoW Widow". My hubby works for an internet company in their call center. Everyone in his office plays WOW or WarHammer while at work. Eventually I told him that if he can play at work there is no need to play at home. Don't get me wrong he plays at home sometimes on his day off and in the evenings if I am doing something on my own, but the games no longer take away from us time.
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Old 11-12-2008, 02:49 PM   #40 (permalink)
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i've heard that whenever someone tries to quit an addiction its important to try to replace it with something else. because if the security blanket is just gone and there's nothing else there to take its place, it will be that much easier to go back to it. Do you have any ideas on how to give yourself what the game was giving you?
Im trying to find something else, Im trying to dive into work but its very seasonal and market related. Battling addiction,depression and a nervous break down has been the hardest thing ive done in my life. I have not logged onto the game for almost 2 weeks now, and I have to admit its harder then people can imagine. It may not be a chemical addiction but my brain sure liked it!

Is the game that kick a$$? nope... Its repetitive behavior coupled with some social interaction. And Im not sure what it is that drew me to it. My councilor believes its because I was missing something in my real life that the Game replaced.. and self medicating my depression with it.

My wife and I are still split and its starting to get nasty, which I dont understand why. And in my current mental state is quite damaging. She has called me a bad father and saying im using my son as a weapon. Which neither is true, I may be alot of things but a bad father is not one of them. And just because my son wants to spend time with me and not her right now, I think her reaction is doing more harm then good. She gets mad at him (13 years old) if he asks if he can come visit me.

Anyway.... still fighting the battle.
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Old 11-12-2008, 04:47 PM   #41 (permalink)
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Someone told me today their experience being with an individual ike myself. The anger and temper, addictions to drugs and alcohol, very real potential at adultry (not me!!), and the seperation from that individual that they felt while dealing with it. They said if it wasn't for the kids, they would have left. But that person stayed inspite of it. What she described was a person who was exhausted with the relationship, fed up, down right pissed off at the other person for taking everything for granted, and would have left without looking back if not for the kids.

My guess Dynamite is that your spouse is hurting beyond your recognition. She is all of those things above. She is in a place right now that she won't likely let you into to prevent the pain.

This person told me that the best course of action is improve myself and work harder at it than at anything I have ever put my mind to. To treat the situation like when you first began dating the person. Everything you did back then to try and win her over you have to do now. You have to put on your best face and convince her your not that person. She also said that the pain your spouse is feeling may make her reject you regardless of what you do and you have to be prepared for putting your feelings out there to be shattered. This person also told me that to this day, she still has to look at the other person and foregive them so that she can avoid the anger that she still has boiling under the surface.

That was 6-7 years ago and they have greatly improved their relationship and will likely be together til death do they part.
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Old 06-11-2011, 01:25 AM   #42 (permalink)
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I'm casting a resurrection spell on this thread.

It's been quite a while so, I thought I would comment on some changes and observations. For starters, I've been divorced exactly two years now. I still play video games from time to time but, not like I did when I was married. The few times a month I do logon to play a game, I am bored inside of 20 minutes. I used to play 2-3 hours a night, after work.

I wasn't completely sure of it then but, I am quite certain of it now; I was using video games to cope with the stress of my job and my marriage. I just couldn't take either one of them anymore. My ex-wife and a woman co-worker were causing me 9 kinds of hell. I was getting brow beat daily. It was a hostile environment coming and going. Both of these women are out of my life now and I swear to God, I couldn't be happier.

I am my old self again. I love my work. I love my life. Although, I don't like being without my children. And, there's a new woman in my life who has fallen in love with me for the same reasons the first wife fell in love with me...because I am a sweet, funny, loving, sensitive, romantic guy. Her kids are grown and she has her career - which suits me much better.

To be truthful, I should never have had children. Don't get me wrong, I love my kids dearly but, one of the other peripheral stresses that weighed on me was the part where I had to provide for someone other than myself and my wife. Call me selfish if you like but, that is the way I am wired. If I had known this before I got married, my ex and I could have talked this out and knew ahead that children were not going to be part of the picture.

Even so, I don't feel bad because after speaking with family, there is consensus among us that this a genetic anomaly which happens to be prominent with my mom, my brother, my uncle(mom's brother) and my grandfather(mom's father). My dad raised my brother and I which kind of hints to my mom's lack of maternal instinct. That and she flat out admitted that she was a complete doormat and would have let my brother and I walk all over her because she didn't have it in her to discipline us. Mom is one of my best friends though and that is her strength -friendship.

In short, the video games were just a vice to deal with abnormal stress. I know how to handle the everyday normal stress just fine. It's the part of constantly being bombarded with repetitive stress and demands that starts freaking me out.
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Old 06-14-2011, 02:37 PM   #43 (permalink)
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well, I agree that while you can use gaming as an excuse to deal with issues in your marriage, job, whatever...gaming can be a real addiction. My husband, when I met him was afraid to log on to his email because he didn't want to be anywhere near a computer. He started exercising and taking hikes. That's what attracted me to him. But, when he got injured working out and had to take a break for a bit, he started playing again and hasn't stopped. He plays from the minute he gets home from work till 10pm or so at night. Except for the weeks he works out which is sporadic at best. We live apart Monday through Friday because of his job, and I used to have to wait until 10:30pm every night for his phone when we could talk without the kids yelling in my ear. He was busy playing from 5:30-10:30 every night. While I was busy taking care of the kids until 8pm every night. It caused huge fights and now he calls me before 10:30pm, but calls me manipulative and controlling when we argue because I don't like being last on the totem pole in my marriage. Especially to a game. I think he truly does have an addiction and has for many years before he met me. He has no friends except for online. And when he takes breaks and doesn't play, they don't call him. I have had to manage with this "other woman" as I like to call it because that's what it's like. It's like he's having an affair with a computer game. I hate online games and can only take so much of paystation with the fam. I think he needs help, but he doesn't think there's anything wrong with how much time he plays.
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Old 06-26-2011, 04:48 PM   #44 (permalink)
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Old 06-26-2011, 04:52 PM   #45 (permalink)
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WoW, yeah, i was addicted badly, i deactivated my acct and internet until i can my life back in order, i allowed it to completely destroy my life. will i play again? maybe someday, but i know i allowed it to take over, i have to weed out my demons one at a time, WoW can be a bad thing, shoot i wonder as i am a gm, if there will be any members left if i ever go back. grizzly hills holla!!! lol
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