Husband looking at Porn while I'm Pregnant
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Navigation »Talk About Marriage »Focused Topics »Relationships and Addiction » Husband looking at Porn while I'm Pregnant

Relationships and Addiction Whether it's drugs, alcohol, gambling, sex, pornography, or anything else, addictions can be detrimental to the health of a relationship.

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Old 06-25-2013, 03:03 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Husband looking at Porn while I'm Pregnant

I am 29 weeks pregnant with our 3rd baby and caught my husband looking a naked self portraits of women on some website on his phone. The only reason I caught him doing this was because I had gone into the bathroom to get ready for church and his phone was charging and kept going off with text messages so I went to silence it and the first thing that opened up was a picture of a skinny naked girl. So I searched the history and found several sites he had visited during "his shower". I was so hurt. I'm normally a very attractive woman who is very fit but when I get pregnant it seems any and everything that can go wrong will (minus stretch marks thank GOD!!) but vericose veins, water retention, severe morning sickness hyperemesis gravidarum ect. I just sat on the bathroom floor and cried. I felt like there was nothing I could do I couldn't go work out and get dressed all sexy for him I can't even have sex with him because of all my medical complications, they call it "pelvic rest" (I have had type 1 diabetes for 18years and baby is not growing well, also had lots of preterm labor and risk of going blind during this pregnancy) My husband found me and I know he knew but first kept asking me about the baby and if I was miscarrying. I told him no that I wasn't ready to talk about what was wrong because I was still trying to figure out if he was taking it a step further and communicating with women on this website. It would have been slightly better if they were "professional actors" rather than girls who just decided to take a bathroom self portrait naked photo. Well my husband came back to me and admitted he knew I saw his phone and apologized and tried to comfort me. He told me he did it because I won't have sex with him or give him oral sex. We even cheated the night before and had sex with a lovely follow up of contractions and debates on going to labor and delivery. Hen knows why we can't. I MISS sex!! I want to be intimate! but I'm trying to keep this little baby in me. The worst part is now I'm hoping I don't make it to 40 weeks because I want to loose the weight get fit so my husband will desire me only. How horrible is that? the other part of this that hurts is before getting pregnant I had taken boudoir photos for my husband as a Birthday present. Why didn't he use those if thats what he wanted? If I caught him masturbating to that it would have been a self esteem boost but this I'm tearing myself up I felt awful about my appearance before but now...there is unrepairable damage. I love my husband and can forgive him but how do I fix me? I can't stand him touching me because its almost physically painful because of the thought of him thinking of these other women. I can't make the basketball in front of me disappear and do anything to fix my own image of myself so how do I heal?
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Old 06-25-2013, 03:52 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband looking at Porn while I'm Pregnant

Well, I posted a reply when your thread was in the coping with infidelity section; then it was moved here and my post deleted.

If that was your decision, then you made the right one. So far, this isn't infidelity. Your husband is looking at porn while you can't have sex with him. Now, if this is a site where he has the ability to contact these women, I would be more concerned.

I understand that he hurt your feelings; but if your husband is contrite about this, I think you should try to cut him some slack. I know from experience that with the hormonal upheaval, pregnant wives can tend to get emotional. And husbands deprived of sex over time can get antsy. So at least consider the possibility that you're over reacting.

I would suggest that you tell him how you feel and ask him to be transparent with his phone/computer. If he is willing to do this and is otherwise responding positively to you, why not help him out occasionally until you can have full sex again.

Just one man's perspective.
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Old 06-25-2013, 04:02 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband looking at Porn while I'm Pregnant

Did he use porn before you were pregnant?
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Old 06-25-2013, 04:08 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband looking at Porn while I'm Pregnant

Looking at porn online is a lot different then some woman sending him a naked picture of herself in the bathroom.
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Old 06-25-2013, 04:10 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband looking at Porn while I'm Pregnant

I realize that you've got medical complications that don't allow vaginal sex, but please give the guy a break. It's already torture being sexless....not even oral. And you are upset about his using porn as an outlet. Ouch.
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Old 06-25-2013, 04:33 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband looking at Porn while I'm Pregnant

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Originally Posted by lenzi View Post
Looking at porn online is a lot different then some woman sending him a naked picture of herself in the bathroom.
Oh! I missed that part.

Hell no! You make sure you shut that down immediately. Women sending him pictures to his phone is way beyond the boundaries.
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Old 06-25-2013, 04:38 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband looking at Porn while I'm Pregnant

What your husband is doing goes far beyond 'looking at porn'. He is in personal communication with other women. In my book, this is cheating.

The excuses he gave you are pure and utter bullsh!t. He's gaslighting you. Look that up because you can expect more of it.

Instead of crying, why don't you get MAD? Kick his a$$ out of the house. Let him know you aren't going to put up with his crap.

You need to be tested for STD's because there's a very good chance he hasn't kept this just to his phone, too.

Unfortunately he knows you're on to him now, so he's liable to just go further underground with his illicit activities.
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Old 06-25-2013, 04:44 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband looking at Porn while I'm Pregnant

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Originally Posted by norajane View Post
Oh! I missed that part.

Hell no! You make sure you shut that down immediately. Women sending him pictures to his phone is way beyond the boundaries.
caught my husband looking a naked self portraits of women on some website on his phone

Sounds like she is describing a web site to me; anonymous women - not personal pictures. OP, feel free to clarify.
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Old 06-25-2013, 04:46 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband looking at Porn while I'm Pregnant

She also says his phone kept going off with text messages. Can you get a website to send you pictures by text message?? Why not just look at the website?
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Old 06-25-2013, 05:12 PM   #10 (permalink)
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She also says his phone kept going off with text messages. Can you get a website to send you pictures by text message?? Why not just look at the website?
Good point Hope. I got nothing.
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Old 06-25-2013, 07:07 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband looking at Porn while I'm Pregnant

I was once in a position very similar to your husband's many years ago, and my poor decisions are still biting me in the ass.

It's very important that he recognize your feelings, and chooses to abstain out of respect for you. I did not.

Communicate with him, and make sure he understands how you feel. Don't beat him up, just be open and honest. Listen to what he has to say, too. Do not allow resentment to build up. Take the opportunity to improve your marriage.

Going from being very active, to little or none can be pretty hard on a guy. Very distracting, makes it easy to justify things. Your pregnant, he can man up and take one for the team. Isn't going to kill him.

Try not to take it too personally. Your husband wants you, the other thing is just a quick fix--not that you should excuse it.

Best wishes...
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Old 06-27-2013, 10:38 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband looking at Porn while I'm Pregnant

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Looking at porn online is a lot different then some woman sending him a naked picture of herself in the bathroom.
Maybe OP can explain better, but on my phone when I get a text and I unlock the phone the screen that pops up is the last screen I was on. So if I was on my email when the screen went to sleep, email would be the first thing I saw. If I was in a web browser page, that page would be what I saw.

She may have opened the phone and the web page popped up, not the text.

Having said that, if the guy needs so help to get relief when his wife can't (no PiV sex) or wont (refuses oral) so be it. And having sex the night before after a long drought doesn't automatically make his urges go away.
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Old 06-27-2013, 12:53 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband looking at Porn while I'm Pregnant

Oh, I'm so sorry you're going through this right now. I know this is the last thing you wanted to have to deal with while going through a difficult pregnancy. And it's totally understandable you're feeling hurt by your husband's actions. So, first of all, I just wanted to say hugs and prayers are coming your way. And, as some others have mentioned here, it is important to sit down and talk about how you're feeling with your husband. The more you bottle this up the worse it will get and the more distance there will be between you and your husband. Maybe you could even get some help from a counselor or, since you mentioned your church, a pastor? They might be able to help you get all your going through out on the table and help your husband understand your reaction to this. Lastly, if you're worried about this continuing, maybe your husband would agree to putting some filtering or accountability software on his phone/computer? This may give you a little more peace of mind. Well, hang in there friend and don't give up hope for your family!
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