Coping with Alcoholism with Military Husband - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 3 (permalink) Old 07-12-2013, 02:48 AM Thread Starter
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Exclamation Coping with Alcoholism with Military Husband

Although the title may seem as if this is something small, this is a huge issue that has reared its ugly head. Somethign I did not forsee.

Let me explain at the start.

The man I'm married to now I have known since I was 16. I am 25 now. Me and him broke up in 18 over the fact he was going to the military as well as him feeding into the poor advice family members gave him. He became controlling and fearful of change and I would have none of that so I ended it with him.

We talked on and off throughout the time, I had my relationships, he had his. We started to really talk once I got out of a poor four year relationship. After some talking he proposed, and I decided to accept.

It was rushed, abrupt, but since we knew each other for awhile it was okay. Atleast to me. I was uncertain, but he is going to Korea for a year, and he wanted to show his commitment in being with me. He didn't want to wait and risk losing me. And at the same time I felt the same way.

Fast forward, he visited me once, was good, he has matured a lot, but the effects of him being in the military(and still active duty) are now there. He swears like a sailor, its almost compulsive and he can hardly control it. More than he ever did back in highschool. Also there was problems with him getting smashed drunk a lot, but he stopped that. He revealed to me it had alcohol problems, nearly died from it one time. He quit smoking as well too.

Anyway, here is the real issue:

Recently I went to see him. Took the bus down there. Originally I had planned the trip just to go see my friends. But we had gotten married and I had included him in the plan. When I went down to see him it was nice, he gives me plenty of attention, we can talk about many things. There appeared to be no issues whatsoever, up until we head over to my friends for the 4th of July weekend.

I enjoyed myself, but my Husband was awkward and rude. My two friends(who are a couple themselves) attempted to welcome him, as well as speak with me, but he would keen on getting my attention where one friend actually voiced to me that she gave up trying to talk to me.

Before the trip I told him it is fine to have one or two drinks, boy I was wrong. I didn't realize how far the rabbit hole went on his issue. His emotions fluctuated, he kept getting drinks, I would have to tell him to stop and even still he grabbed a couple more. I remember him telling me in confidence he was trying to loosen up and calm down.

The next day we all went to a convention. He was edgey and grumpy the whole time. At one point he snapped horribly in a line with one of the workers at the convention. Claimed they were being rude and nasty to him and he promptly began to make a scene. I told him to calm down and he continued to snap. Eventually he cooled. Embarassed, after I got my autograph I took him off away from my two friends. I had to leave them alone and go outside and get some air with him because he was just too aggitated being on the convention. He revealed he didn't want to be here, and I reminded him this was my plans for this trip originally, and he had agreed to go with them. That night we tried to all play four player game, all he did was complain and complain as he played. My friends heard and they were crushed. It seemed he was suffering from a hangover/withdrawal symptoms.

The day after that way the worse of them all. We got on my two friends boat. Again drinks were offered and Marty rushed. When I told him to stop after one he didn't, he ignored me. "one more" he said before he rushed in and grabbed another. His mood swings started again, he was happy on the boat but again he was being overly flirtatious(trying to kiss my neck, etc). I had to keep telling him to stop and respect me in public. Later on the boat he cusses like a sailor infront one of my friends parents. He snaps on me infront of their father and storms off. He vanished for a bit and is found later below in one of the rooms sleeping on the bed.

We all go home, he wants to sleep. I allow him to and go out to the movies with my friends. That night I talked to them while he rested.

After the trip I confronted him, I apologized because I didn't realize truly what alcoholism is like! I couldn't relate, I had encouraged him to have one or two drinks and take it easy. But damn I was in for a surprise when he started to guzzle it down. I told him I wanted him back in therapy, he says he cannot do that because the military is VERY strict on this. Most of his friends are alcoholics, and when I was there on base with him during the weekends you could hear all the people drinking and partying.

It's obvious the whole issues and problems related to alcohol, but how can I support/help my husband? I don't want to give up with him, but before we married he was in the habit of binge drinking over the weekends as well. He stopped once we decided to get back together, but god forbid another situation comes up where he feels forced to drink because someone offers him one.

He told me he will completely abstain, and I can understand him having trouble fitting into the real world since he been in the military since 18, hence he drinks to alleviate anxiety. But this is NOT a good enough excuse, he almost killed himself once via alcohol poisoning, and while he is away in Korea for a year I do not want to risk him harming himself.

Please, some advice.
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post #2 of 3 (permalink) Old 07-12-2013, 07:05 AM
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Re: Coping with Alcoholism with Military Husband

Number one, it sounds like he might be an alcoholic. Number two he might need to be evaluated by a therapist, for things such as PTSD or other mental illness. I would start there. Recommend he see a therapist, if he wont go, you need to see one and tell them what you have shared with us here.

Last edited by Jamison; 07-12-2013 at 07:23 AM.
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post #3 of 3 (permalink) Old 07-17-2013, 05:49 PM
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Re: Coping with Alcoholism with Military Husband

I would recommend inpatient treatment followed by working a 12 step recovery program as well. I know for a fact the military will pau for28 ddays of inpatient treatment. If he is truly an alcoholic, he won't be able to have one or two drinks and he won't be able to abstain on his own. If he does try to quit without help, he will be miserable and make everyone around him miserable. Trust me. I speak from experience.
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