Relationships and AddictionWhether it's drugs, alcohol, gambling, sex, pornography, or anything else, addictions can be detrimental to the health of a relationship.
Then that test is over and I have already failed. Why...why do women make things so hard? It's like they are a puzzle and we'll never be able to put all the pieces together.
That was actually sound advice Atholk. I never initiate the events/outtings, only react or follow along with what she plans. That has given me something to think about other than just the 'stop playing or im leaving' ultimatum which burns me to the core with anger and the old, well **** it attitude.
I second that one - You hit the nail on the head! Yeah I play games cause I bored out of my mind. If I watch TV - she is off "cleaning" or "getting organized" or whatever, so whether its TV or games isn't the only thing.
I did find a cool thing to do - I was playing the facebook games - my daughter is 7, and I set her up to play Cafe World/Farmville and those games so we could "do it together". Suddenly - I had huge support from my wife. (until she saw the million sexual predators on my daughter's pseudo account with a pseudo picture of hanna montana... replaced it with Oprah - and the predators quit...)
replaced it with oprah - and the predators quit...)
lmao.
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I do a lot of commenting here and love helping, but much of my best work and most coherent overview of how married men can have the best sex and relationship with their wife is done on my blog at http://www.marriedmansexlife.com/
grr i wish i could say something inspireing but im losing my wife cause i played WOW so dam much and cant get her to forgive me now that i have quite playing it so if you look back at all the posts i made you will see all the trouble it caused for me and im still working on my situation all though it seems hopeless at times im still fighting for my marriage
Sometimes though a resto shaman is just looking for a good tank. She meets a warrior and it's cool between them. Then the warrior specs fury and is all LOL DPS!!1!!!1! This is cool for a bit because she doesn't mind him having fun, but she's specced resto and now its much harder keeping the damn warrior up than it was before. Kinda annoying in fact.
Then she mets a prot pally and this guy just rocks, so easy to heal. They work so well together. The warrior still comes along as DPS, but one day the pally is like "I'm sick of sharing plate drops with the warrior, can't we just get a rogue or a mage or something?"
grr i wish i could say something inspireing but im losing my wife cause i played WOW so dam much and cant get her to forgive me now that i have quite playing it so if you look back at all the posts i made you will see all the trouble it caused for me and im still working on my situation all though it seems hopeless at times im still fighting for my marriage
Then have her read this. If it's just a gaming issue, I doubt it is too late to save your marriage. Unless you truly are addicted, for me I think it was just an issue of not having my priorities straight. I take care of home first now, then me. I think just stopping cold turkey though is almost setting yourself up for failure IMO.
Then have her read this. If it's just a gaming issue, I doubt it is too late to save your marriage. Unless you truly are addicted, for me I think it was just an issue of not having my priorities straight. I take care of home first now, then me. I think just stopping cold turkey though is almost setting yourself up for failure IMO.
Na i did quite the game cold turkey that dont bother me and it wasnt just the game addiction it is what i let the game do to me by taking me out of my familys life and centering the game first , it made my wife feel neglected alone , used even , and i wasnt there in reality , sure i was physically there and paying my bills but i just played the game and ignored everything else.
and that became to her to much to take , she kicked me out once over a year and a half ago over it and asked i cut back that worked for a bit but then i slowly went back to playing all the time and now im kicked out again but this time i made big changes in my life and she sees them and likes them but is scared to give it a chance now and is resistant to trying or even being around each other right now.
and to top it off she almost resents the fact i made them changes cause i didnt do it the first time around and now she is questioning herself why is it important now when it wasnt before >? and the only thing i can really say is last time i was kicked out for a week this time im going on 3+months and had time to reflect and look at things and truely make changes for myself that bettered myself and possibly life with her and my kids and got back to being my old self before the game.
But i have heard the dreaded i love you but not in love with you no more thing and all kinds of things yet i have a friend that is mutual for her and I that she dont no is talking to me that lets me no what she is saying since she has opened up to her and she is also a councelor to boot , so i do no she misses me doesnt really want the divorce and so on but yet still wont try still is resistant and still dont want me around to much and i figure i no why and thats easy when she is around me her walls come down and she fights herself to keep them up so its like she is trying to break them bonds or something but cant and i will try not to let that happen .
just with a better grasp of things in relationships, but she is still stuck on the divorce thing all though she hasnt filed yet or done anything for childsupport and still has it in her head its a little to late but im working on making it just in time if it is possible still but i will not give up not on her or my kids that is something i cant do they are to important in life and our kids deserve to have both parents in there lives full time something her and i both didnt have in life , but i do this out of love and true realization of the issues from the past and i work to make life a better place for them all even if it hurts me daily i will go on
for me I think it was just an issue of not having my priorities straight. I take care of home first now, then me.
This is really what the issue with gaming is all about. When it consumes your time when you are not working or taking care of other obligations, it leaves your spouse feeling as if you have no desire to spend time with them...whether it's planning a date night out or sitting next to one another on the couch...just being together...especially true when you are taking care of little ones all day and look forward to seeing your husband walk through the door...only to find him going straight for the computer...Sure, she could say 'Will you pencil me in for 7pm tomorrow?...I want to go out to dinner'...but that gets old fast and reinforces the message that she is second fiddle.
Glad to hear you are taking charge and putting your marriage first.
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No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it.
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Have to weigh in on this thouugh it seems to have been pretty much resolved.
I was in much the same situation as the first post in this thread. When I didn't have to be doing something else, I was gaming online. I tried to include Her. She was interested but showed no real initiative which I took as disinterest 'if you really want to do this, you'll load the game and all the patches etc onto your pc yourself'.
Many many times she would ask if I wanted to do x or y with her and I turned her down. Many many times she would start talking in the middle of a game or otherwise try to get my attention on something else in the middle of a game and I would react with extreme irritation. Exactly as the OP states- "If you want to do something, let me know ahead of time, plan it out".
I found out eventually that what she really wanted was that I want to spend time doing something where she was the center of my attention. She absolutely understood that I was doing something that required large unbroken blocks of time- something that did not involve her. I always use speakers instead of earphones so she would hear the flirtations and uninhibitedly sexual tone of some of the female players, and though she didn't say anything, I found out later it drove her crazy.
She decided to 'play the same game' (bad pun) by getting into facebook mobsters games and refusing to step away from it for anything she didn't have to do for a month. No talking to her more than a few words, did absolutely nothing together, she pretty much totally ignored my presence. I got nothing cooked for me, if I made dirty dishes and didn't clean them I would wake up with them in the bed with me (I get off work at 11:00pm and would game all night and make a mess and then crash and wake up at like 1:00pm). She stopped doing any kind of laundry for me, stopped sex pretty much dead cold. This was like a huge slap in the face to wake me up, which I still kind of resent her for because it was an exaggerated version of what I had done to her.
Things are different now after some drama and looong conversations and we understand each other a bit better now. We have both aggreed to take a long temporary break from gaming.
After the holidays and getting things settled at the start of the year, I am going to totally load everything into her pc, download and install all of the patches mods etc, and walk her through step by step. We will game together, it will be scheduled (along with everthing else, like date night etc) etc and so forth.
Last year my ex-husband decided he would rather stay home and play video games then go out for New Years... memories...
Given this and your other posts in this thread, I have to ask- Was this the way he was when you had marrried him or is this what he transformed into after you got married?
Now this is a good thread! Thank you for starting this thread from the perspective of a male gamer. It helps me see things from my fiance's perspective.
We started play WoW shortly after we started dating almost five years ago. We were both OBSESSED with it and played it together every day. We would plan our schedules around our guild's raid times. But after the first expansion I started to lose interest. I had worked SO HARD to get my toons up to the level 60 and they all had epic gear. I felt like I had accomplished something and was a recognized player on my server. Then suddenly green items outranked my epics and I had to battle my way to 70. It felt like starting over from scratch and the game because less enjoyable. I was just getting back into and the SECOND expansion came out and raised the cap even higher. I just stopped caring at that point. I toyed around with the draenai and blood elves, but I just wasn't into it anymore.
Meanwhile my fiance is still going strong. I don't begrudge him this pleasure as it is his way of unwinding after work. My only issue has become his inability to commit to anything outside of Warcraft. We have missed several dates and I have gone to bed lonely many nights despite his promise to log off at a certain hour. If a raid runs long, it's just too bad for me. He has gotten so bad that he will stay up all night playing if he doesn't have to work the next day. He has fallen asleep at the keyboard on more than one occasion.
Anyway, I say that if you are able to hold a job and you make time for your family then she can just get over it. My father is addicted to online poker, but he can still manage to be downstairs to watch the evening news with my mom each night. And if there is a tournament that he wants to compete in, he just gives her a heads up and does his thing and she's okay with it. My sisters and I always knew that dad would be in the computer room and if we needed him, we just went in there and hung out. When I was home from Christmas I headed straight to computer room to say to dad. And his parrot... he got himself a little conure to be his computer buddy. That little bird loves the daughters, but HATES my mom. I think she's trying to replace her as wife.
Given this and your other posts in this thread, I have to ask- Was this the way he was when you had marrried him or is this what he transformed into after you got married?
He played video games when we dated, but never when I was there... he went from one addiction to another, drinking, porn, video games... looking back I would have done things differently, but too late now... just need to learn from it
Meanwhile my fiance is still going strong. I don't begrudge him this pleasure as it is his way of unwinding after work. My only issue has become his inability to commit to anything outside of Warcraft. We have missed several dates and I have gone to bed lonely many nights despite his promise to log off at a certain hour. If a raid runs long, it's just too bad for me. He has gotten so bad that he will stay up all night playing if he doesn't have to work the next day. He has fallen asleep at the keyboard on more than one occasion.
So what's gonna happen when you add something like a new baby to the mix?
__________________
I do a lot of commenting here and love helping, but much of my best work and most coherent overview of how married men can have the best sex and relationship with their wife is done on my blog at http://www.marriedmansexlife.com/
It just sounds to me like you've already chosen gaming over everything else and are trying to justify it somehow...after work, before dinner, after dinner. Lamo!! She needs to tell you in advance? You don't like to drop your online 'family' for your real one it seems? Your priorities need to be your family first, if there is time left, then it's your turn for 'me' time. When does your wife get her 'me' time? My teenage son is a gamer too and he can't seem to focus much on anything when he's logged into wow. It's like he is tuned out. Good luck to you.
Re: Online Gaming Addiction? Get Outta Here!
