Relationships and AddictionWhether it's drugs, alcohol, gambling, sex, pornography, or anything else, addictions can be detrimental to the health of a relationship.
It just sounds to me like you've already chosen gaming over everything else and are trying to justify it somehow...after work, before dinner, after dinner. Lamo!! She needs to tell you in advance? You don't like to drop your online 'family' for your real one it seems? Your priorities need to be your family first, if there is time left, then it's your turn for 'me' time. When does your wife get her 'me' time? My teenage son is a gamer too and he can't seem to focus much on anything when he's logged into wow. It's like he is tuned out. Good luck to you.
No actually I wasn't choosing gaming over everything else. I just wasn't CONSIDERING everything else. And gah I feel corny for even saying this, *knocks on wood* but damn my marriage seems better than ever at the moment. My wife's sex drive has resurfaced, my kids are running to me at the door now asking about what we're going to do today, I have a trip to Universal Studios planned on the 16th and *drumroll* I'm still gaming! But im enjoying my time with the family even more that my play time has dwindled considerably.
Ugh, rereading your post lil_titch, im starting to get a bit irritated. So i'll break down each one of your little stabs at online gamers.
1)Sounds like you've already chosen gaming over......
No, I was just being selfish, treating my wife and kids more like roomates then actual family.
2)...after work, before dinner, after dinner. Lamo!!
Yep, if you bothered to read more than just my initial post you would have got my reasons. Cheap, fun, easy...etc.
3) She needs to tell you in advance?
I still stick to this faithfully, that has not changed when it comes to planning, I just call that being considerate.
4) You don't like to drop your online 'family' for your real one it seems?
The thing you and everyone else like you need to understand is that, the only thing 'fake' about online gaming is the virtual world and avatars in the game, there are 'real' people just like you and me behind those avatars, talking/joking/annoying...having fun together.
5. Your priorities.....family first...then your...'me' time
Read so many posts before the one you typed up.
6. When does your wife....'me' time?
Great question, the best in your post IMO, that's definitely were I was messing up before.
7. Comparing a man that is taking care of home financially to a teenage boy is almost insulting and shows how most women view online gaming in general...as a kid/teen thing...it's not.
Hi Most, I haven't read every post so maybe it's been answered already but here's my $0.02.
I have mild gaming addiction too. I say mild, because I go in fits where I'll play like crazy, then have a spell where I don't really play much at all.
Like you, I was playing MMO's a lot. Started with FFXI years ago, then moved to WoW. My wife and I experienced something similar to you. She was started to resent the amount of time that I was spending on the computer instead of interacting with her and the kids. She wasn't necessarily mad at the fact that I was a gamer, just that I spent a lot more time and effort on it than on the family. I think pretty much it was very similar to the position you find yourself in.
I too had to realize that I needed to create more of a balance. I didn't have to give up my gaming altogether, but I DID have to make an effort to create a balance. What I've done is that I usually don't allow myself to game until later in the evening. Once the kids are in bed and I've spent some time with my wife, then I'll fire up my PS3 and play away (not currently playing WOW). As you expressed in one of your other posts, once I was making an effort on this balance, I found my urge to play right when I got home faded. I enjoy spending time with my family. Some nights I find that I won't even play at all. Then other nights, my wife doesn't mind if I'm playing while the kids are still up because I've put forth that effort to have family interaction.
One thing though, unless they are gamers themselves, I don't know that they will ever understand the 'there's no pause' concept .
I think with World of Warcraft the issue is that at first it is pretty much a solo game. When you're leveling up, you can stop whenever you want - just park your toon in a safe place - and go attend to whatever. Then you have a lot more grouping stuff. Gotta play for a proper hour to run an instance or whatever. Then you're in the endgame and raiding is 3-5 hours 3-6 days a week. And there's not much stopping for anything.
Fast forward you're grinding trash farming for mats to make the special widgets to gear a tank and you need seven special widgets so thats 70 special drops and 100 runs through something to get the 1% drop of Uber which is a quest item in the chain to make the Ultra Widget needed to defeat the ****block boss in the Place of Serious which opens the way to the Dungeon of Awesome. And all your online friends are real people, and you're part of a real team doing this.
Which is so far from having fun killing stuff and logging out in the inn because you're still leveling up. It can sneak up on you...
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Id agree and no the cost of WOW its a big factor in my situation and sorry most but after you hit the top level in that game it does become center in your life and the spouse will resent you for it and its actually selfish think back when you could pause a game it didnt bother you but when you cant and you tell them 8 times a day hold on and get frustrated like your on the phone being nagged to no who it is you start to feel left out and that there lies the problem you are having , YES its selfish and i lived that too , and yes she played too and found after years it was easier to communicate with me through the game but that isnt what a relationship is about is it ?? Sorry my opinion my be unfair but i look at that game now and think wow it controlled me and i lost at least right now everything i love most in life and thats my family all cause i couldnt walk away and do this or that little thing the wife asked for ... When you put a game above the ones you love its more then just selfish its neglecting the things you should value most in life
No actually I wasn't choosing gaming over everything else. I just wasn't CONSIDERING everything else. And gah I feel corny for even saying this, *knocks on wood* but damn my marriage seems better than ever at the moment. My wife's sex drive has resurfaced, my kids are running to me at the door now asking about what we're going to do today, I have a trip to Universal Studios planned on the 16th and *drumroll* I'm still gaming! But im enjoying my time with the family even more that my play time has dwindled considerably.
Re: Online Gaming Addiction? Get Outta Here!
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