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post #16 of 152 (permalink) Old 08-28-2013, 10:53 PM
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Re: Husband says no more Christmas Tree, Santa, Easter, kids upset

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A friend of mine had a husband who did something similar.

He was in a weird cult.

This is way too much for me to deal with. All these things are fun. I'd have to ask my husband and his wackadoo ideas to leave.
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And why is he making all the rules? Yea.

All too reminiscent of my friend's husband in that crazy a22 cult.
I know these things SEEM similar to what your friend went through, btu there ARE legitimate churches whose members DO feel this way about the holidays. And, they ahve felt this way all along. I think it would be better to offer advice on this, maybe find a possible compromise they could work with, if there is one, rather than write her husband off as insane. I suppose next, you will tell me that I am insane because I chose to tell my children the truth about who "Santa" was, from the beginning, and that "Santa" isn't the one who gives them gifts? And I'm also insane for telling my children there is no tooth fairy, nor Easter bunny, etc?

Honestly, just the little bit the OP posted sounds quite a bit like what my church has taught for many years. I won't speak for certain on that, though, because she never said what the denomination is. Still, I believe it is ridiculous to write him off as crazy or insane, just because his beliefs don't mesh with your own....and because of what your friend went through.


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post #17 of 152 (permalink) Old 08-29-2013, 10:19 AM
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Re: Husband says no more Christmas Tree, Santa, Easter, kids upset

I think part of what the OP is objecting to is the fact that her husband is changing the rules. If they had agreed to no Santa, Easter Bunny, etc before the kids were born, that's fine. But he has been fine with them all along and now is suddenly and at the last minute telling the whole family to stop participating in this activities. I can imagine that is pretty confusing and upsetting for the kids.
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post #18 of 152 (permalink) Old 08-29-2013, 10:25 AM
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Re: Husband says no more Christmas Tree, Santa, Easter, kids upset

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I think part of what the OP is objecting to is the fact that her husband is changing the rules. If they had agreed to no Santa, Easter Bunny, etc before the kids were born, that's fine. But he has been fine with them all along and now is suddenly and at the last minute telling the whole family to stop participating in this activities. I can imagine that is pretty confusing and upsetting for the kids.
That was exactly why i suggested making them religious and celebratory. Take the time to explain the REAL meaning of the holiday or at least it's good intentions.
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post #19 of 152 (permalink) Old 08-29-2013, 10:28 AM
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Re: Husband says no more Christmas Tree, Santa, Easter, kids upset

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You do realize that Christmas, Easter, and Halloween are all pagan celebrations, don't you? They were adopted by the Catholic church to entice people to convert. Maybe your husband is objecting to their pagan origin.

I'm not religious myself, but see no harm in celebrating holidays whatever their origin - it's a matter of putting things in context.
It's meaningless that they were pagan holidays. The extant pagan aspects of them aren't of any religious value, they're simply cultural. There's no one, no fringe cults that worship the easter bunny, Santa Claus or anything else of the like.
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post #20 of 152 (permalink) Old 08-29-2013, 10:37 AM
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Husband says no more Christmas Tree, Santa, Easter, kids upset

That's pretty cruel to the kids actually. I can see if he started this before they were born. I also assume he celebrated all holidays as a child and it was never taken away from him.

I find this very controlling. This will really effect the kids. Especially when they are asked at school by their peers what they got for Christmas. Halloween is acceptable to leave out. Not that it's a "pegan" event. Rather that the kids don't need all that candy.

For Christmas and Easter we do give the kids gifts and celebrate the Christian way.

I don't believe the end times are near. It is impossible to predict something like this. We are still alive from last December when it was all over the TV that Earth was ending or even the Y2k crap, when the year 2,000 hit.

Anyway, this wouldn't fly with me. I wouldn't intentionally take something away from my kids, especially since they look forward to it and there is no harm in it at all.
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post #21 of 152 (permalink) Old 08-29-2013, 10:48 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Husband says no more Christmas Tree, Santa, Easter, kids upset

Yes- that was the big confusion, the kids even said- ok so we've been doing this for all these years, and now we can't? I felt this was very hurtful and confusing for them and me. My husband felt now that he knows more about the origins that it was a matter of our families salvation, but I don't believe we wont not be saved if we have a tree up.
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post #22 of 152 (permalink) Old 08-29-2013, 10:49 AM
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Re: Husband says no more Christmas Tree, Santa, Easter, kids upset

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It's meaningless that they were pagan holidays. The extant pagan aspects of them aren't of any religious value, they're simply cultural. There's no one, no fringe cults that worship the easter bunny, Santa Claus or anything else of the like.
They still are pagan holidays, celebrated as Ostara, and the winter Solstice. Many of the elements are cultural remnants and not of religious significance.

Miscellaneous:
Easter candy isnít Christian. The Easter bunny isnít Christian. Easter eggs arenít Christian. Most of what people commonly associate with Easter is pagan in origin; the rest is commercial. Pagan roots of Easter lie in celebrating the spring equinox. A focus of spring religious festivals was a god whose own death and rebirth symbolized the death and rebirth of life during this time of the year. Many pagan religions had gods who were depicted as dying and being reborn.
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post #23 of 152 (permalink) Old 08-29-2013, 10:53 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Husband says no more Christmas Tree, Santa, Easter, kids upset

They still had their gifts at Christmas, I'd told them however it went, they would have their presents. We don't believe the date of Christmas actually is the birth date of Jesus, so for our family, Christmas has been secular anyway, so that is why I didn't see the harm in the tree, Santa, etc.
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post #24 of 152 (permalink) Old 08-29-2013, 10:59 AM
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Re: Husband says no more Christmas Tree, Santa, Easter, kids upset

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They still are pagan holidays, celebrated as Ostara, and the winter Solstice. Many of the elements are cultural remnants and not of religious significance.

Miscellaneous:
Easter candy isnít Christian. The Easter bunny isnít Christian. Easter eggs arenít Christian. Most of what people commonly associate with Easter is pagan in origin; the rest is commercial. Pagan roots of Easter lie in celebrating the spring equinox. A focus of spring religious festivals was a god whose own death and rebirth symbolized the death and rebirth of life during this time of the year. Many pagan religions had gods who were depicted as dying and being reborn.
The things you mention are true yet irrelevant. There's no secret cult that is celebrating the feast of Saturnalia because they were exposed to a christmas tree. Children are not going to spontaneously begin sacrificing pigs on your front lawn for the goddess Ostara because they colored some eggs.
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post #25 of 152 (permalink) Old 08-29-2013, 04:36 PM
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The things you mention are true yet irrelevant. There's no secret cult that is celebrating the feast of Saturnalia because they were exposed to a christmas tree. Children are not going to spontaneously begin sacrificing pigs on your front lawn for the goddess Ostara because they colored some eggs.
While you make a good point, some people see as worshiping other gods and idols. If you didn't know there is no harm done, but if you know and actively participate in some religions they will consider it as taking part in a pagean ritual.
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post #26 of 152 (permalink) Old 08-30-2013, 05:54 AM
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Re: Husband says no more Christmas Tree, Santa, Easter, kids upset

Hi MtnMomma,

I believe we are living in the end times as well. Even if we are, that doesn't mean we shut down our every day lives.

Some of our Holidays may have evolved from non-Christian days, but so what? It's how WE celebrate them that matters.

December 25 is not Jesus's B-day, but it's a day to celebrate it all the same. We have no idea the actual B-day for our son that we adopted from China...we celebrate the day that was picked by his orphanage.

We used to attend a church that had issues with Halloween....so they had "Trunk or Treat" in the church parking lot for the local children....we had face paintings, games, prizes, etc..And another church had a Harvest Party. Kids could still dress up, get candy and have fun in a safe environment.

There's a saying...you can be so Heavenly minded that you are no earthly good....

I believe this applies to these legalistic churches that go looking for demons under every rock and their list of "Thou shalt not's" is a mile long.

For anyone that truly believes we are in the end times, doesn't it seem the focus should be reaching out to our communities and our families with the Love of Christ instead of turning folks off with legalistic nonsense?
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post #27 of 152 (permalink) Old 08-30-2013, 11:25 AM
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Re: Husband says no more Christmas Tree, Santa, Easter, kids upset

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I know these things SEEM similar to what your friend went through, btu there ARE legitimate churches whose members DO feel this way about the holidays. And, they ahve felt this way all along. I think it would be better to offer advice on this, maybe find a possible compromise they could work with, if there is one, rather than write her husband off as insane. I suppose next, you will tell me that I am insane because I chose to tell my children the truth about who "Santa" was, from the beginning, and that "Santa" isn't the one who gives them gifts? And I'm also insane for telling my children there is no tooth fairy, nor Easter bunny, etc?

Honestly, just the little bit the OP posted sounds quite a bit like what my church has taught for many years. I won't speak for certain on that, though, because she never said what the denomination is. Still, I believe it is ridiculous to write him off as crazy or insane, just because his beliefs don't mesh with your own....and because of what your friend went through.
For me, it was the switch that he hit. They didn't marry like this. They didn't discuss this. She said they had holidays and christmas trees, etc...until recently. That change is what made me think of a cult. Flipping the script in a marriage like this is damaging. I couldn't compromise with someone thinking a Christmas tree is somehow wrong or pagan, if when I married him, he was ok with it.

Telling kids the truth about Santa is your choice. But I'm sure when you got married, you didn't tell your husband that you can't wait to play Santa with the kids (and he was all into it) and then you went and told them there is no Santa. ....taking away his ideas of a holiday.

Religious beliefs are fine. I heard he was into the "end of the world" stuff and now all of this holiday stuff which is exactly how my friend's husband was behaving while in a "religion"...aka end of times cult.


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post #28 of 152 (permalink) Old 08-30-2013, 12:33 PM
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Re: Husband says no more Christmas Tree, Santa, Easter, kids upset

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For me, it was the switch that he hit. They didn't marry like this. They didn't discuss this. She said they had holidays and christmas trees, etc...until recently. That change is what made me think of a cult. Flipping the script in a marriage like this is damaging. I couldn't compromise with someone thinking a Christmas tree is somehow wrong or pagan, if when I married him, he was ok with it.

Telling kids the truth about Santa is your choice. But I'm sure when you got married, you didn't tell your husband that you can't wait to play Santa with the kids (and he was all into it) and then you went and told them there is no Santa. ....taking away his ideas of a holiday.

Religious beliefs are fine. I heard he was into the "end of the world" stuff and now all of this holiday stuff which is exactly how my friend's husband was behaving while in a "religion"...aka end of times cult.
When we married, we were doing most holiday things like my family. My husband was Jewish. No Santa, no Christmas tree, no Easter Bunny, etc. with his family. And we did have a tree for the first few years. We haven't had one for the last two or three. I won't say we never will again, because nothing is guaranteed, of course. And the kids have been told the truth about Santa and all the other "icons" for the holidays. Their friends all believe in them..or rather, the friends of the little ones do. Our kids ask questions, and we answer them. But yea, it causes some confusion when their friends believe in something they don't.

As for the OP's husband...well, she said herself that he's always been aware of various signs, so it's not like this is new. The only thing "new" is removing the tree and telling the kids the truth about these fictitious icons. I know the "end times" reference raised a red flag for you, and I understand and respect that. I really do. I just want to point out that there are many in my own church, which IS one that talks a lot about end times and signs, etc., who have had trees, and even allowed the "Santa thing" and Easter Bunny, etc... but now they don't. My only point is that the knowledge/understanding isn't new... the only thing new is how he is handling it.

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post #29 of 152 (permalink) Old 08-30-2013, 12:54 PM
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Re: Husband says no more Christmas Tree, Santa, Easter, kids upset

Yea. I definitely understand the OPs irritation/somewhat panic in this.

Religion (holiday practices, beliefs, etc) is so important for me when choosing a mate. I KNOW I couldn't deal if someone took away my Christmas or decided to become some other religion and expecting me and the girls to follow with it. I'm all for personal growth, just don't push it on me.

If the OP and her husband can't compromise, then what? She gives up holidays because of his beliefs? She puts up a tree and pisses him off? I dunno.

I feel for her because I couldn't live like that. Or...I'd just go have Christmas with friends and THEIR tree.


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They want vodka and Taco Bell.
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post #30 of 152 (permalink) Old 08-30-2013, 06:56 PM
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Husband says no more Christmas Tree, Santa, Easter, kids upset

I know Judaism is different from Christianity but there are Christian version of every Jewish celebration. You could incorporate a Christianized version of the Festival of Lights into what used to be Christmas. Trust me there are plenty of biblical references to how to fashion this one.

For Easter, Just have a Christianized version of a Seder feast. Your kids will love it and the New Testament ties to the Old Testament events are what your H will enjoy as well. There is a part of the Seder where you hide the Afikomen (like hiding Easter eggs).

I am an atheist, but I have Christian friends who put fun into their beliefs, not doing so is going to be a turn off for your kids.
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