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post #16 of 39 (permalink) Old 11-02-2013, 06:39 AM
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Sexless marriage and divorce

Maybe you were given an exit for a reason. My wife & I separated twice & I still wonder if it was God leading me away or bringing me back? I don't think what we have is what HE had in mind for us & we're both Christians.

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post #17 of 39 (permalink) Old 11-02-2013, 02:44 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Sexless marriage and divorce

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Maybe you were given an exit for a reason. My wife & I separated twice & I still wonder if it was God leading me away or bringing me back? I don't think what we have is what HE had in mind for us & we're both Christians.
Sorry, I don't quite understand what you mean?
Why would God allow a marriage if it is going to be a bad one that ends in divorce? Which He hates? So confusing
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post #18 of 39 (permalink) Old 11-02-2013, 03:52 PM
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Sexless marriage and divorce

It is still our free will to make our own decisions. But I believe there are signs & feelings that try and influence us or not. My case was I married my first wife, we were close for 7 years, had 2 sons, she cheated on me, wanted to be single again & 20 years later, she still is & bitter.
I married my 2nd wife, we were happy, but had a lot of conflict with "our" daughter, that caused marital turmoil, with me being #3 on the totem pole. There is now a grand daughter, so I'm mostly #4. Our marriage is more of a companionship that I've learned to live with. I fought hard for the past 3 years to re ignite us but finally gave up.
Once they "fall out of love", for whatever reason, you rarely get them back. A true marriage isn't rocket science. You love each other, you want to be happy, you do what you have to willingly & you stay close. It always takes two.
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post #19 of 39 (permalink) Old 11-03-2013, 04:58 AM
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Re: Sexless marriage and divorce

I don't even pretend to be a preacher or a marriage counselor. I do believe you were created in the image of God and I don't believe anyone was created to be abused. You have a sex drive because the Almighty put it there. A one-sided sexless union isn't what God had in mind for marriage. I don't believe one should hop in and out of marriage carelessly, but one can't be married alone just like one can't play tennis without a partner. If you have no partner, you might have a piece of paper and a piece of jewelry. You don't have a marriage or anything to build one with. I don't believe God wishes perpetual slavery or misery on anyone, especially when they serve no purpose.
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post #20 of 39 (permalink) Old 11-03-2013, 06:11 AM
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Sexless marriage and divorce

You're absolutely right. The harder grey area is still, do you keep fighting for what should be or accept defeat & move on? I've decided to stay & accept, based on these factors: it's my 2nd marriage, I'm 49, I love my wife, I feel I should still honor my commitment & we've had over 17 years together. Younger couples with only a few years together shouldn't be so surrendering as me. Maybe it's the "martyr" in me I don't know? I've always put others first.
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post #21 of 39 (permalink) Old 11-03-2013, 01:23 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Sexless marriage and divorce

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You're absolutely right. The harder grey area is still, do you keep fighting for what should be or accept defeat & move on? I've decided to stay & accept, based on these factors: it's my 2nd marriage, I'm 49, I love my wife, I feel I should still honor my commitment & we've had over 17 years together. Younger couples with only a few years together shouldn't be so surrendering as me. Maybe it's the "martyr" in me I don't know? I've always put others first.
H has made it clear, I guess. After 70 something days of silent treatment, he left our bed 4 nights ago and prefers to sleep on the couch... what else can I do but to move out of here?
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post #22 of 39 (permalink) Old 11-03-2013, 02:35 PM
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Sexless marriage and divorce

That would be hard to take, silent treatments are the worse.
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post #23 of 39 (permalink) Old 11-03-2013, 04:36 PM
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Re: Sexless marriage and divorce

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I am preparing myself to leave him... I've had enough of this mistreatment.
From your posts it appears that your husband is failing his part of the marriage in a very damaging way. Furthermore, he is refusing to do anything to improve. That is a guaranteed formula for destroying a relationship.

Now that you made up your mind I hope that you have a plan and are now working on your plan. I would like to suggest that your efforts in your plan be geared to ONLY you and your children. Being concerned with your husband in any way will only delay and maybe sabotage your plan. How he is getting his sexual needs met is irrelevant at this time and your preoccupation with that issue will only absorb your time and energy and waste valuable time that you could be building yourself f up.


I hope your plan involves building yourself up body, mind, and spirit. This will prevent you from getting weak and compromising.
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post #24 of 39 (permalink) Old 11-05-2013, 02:19 AM
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Re: Sexless marriage and divorce

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Divorce is allowed when one spouse is not a Christian, and that spouse willfully and permanently deserts the Christian spouse (1 Corinthians 7:15).

Your husband has deserted you when it comes to intimacy.
I also agree.

I would add further that we are not only supposed to abstain from sex outside of marriage, but we are commanded to provide for the satisfaction of our spouse once married. I don't see where the Bible says divorce is permitted for adultery but not withholding. You could argue that both are equivalently bad forms of sexual immorality and both are divorceable offenses.

But, just keep in mind that you are "unequally yoked" so to speak. None of these arguments will work with him (and in fact might not work even if he were Christian) and should be used strictly to set your own personal boundaries.
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post #25 of 39 (permalink) Old 11-06-2013, 04:24 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Sexless marriage and divorce

The bible says that nothing is impossible to God and that with faith and prayers, we can move mountains... Do you think that this is true for our situations as well? Can God change this abusive man into a loving, caring, remorseful person? and thus change our marriage around?

How many of you have been able to save your sexless marriage around by faithfully asking God to change your non-christian spouse?

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post #26 of 39 (permalink) Old 11-06-2013, 10:02 PM
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Re: Sexless marriage and divorce

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The bible says that nothing is impossible to God and that with faith and prayers, we can move mountains... Do you think that this is true for our situations as well? Can God change this abusive man into a loving, caring, remorseful person? and thus change our marriage around?

[SIZE="3"]
YES He can but He won’t!!!


Show me one place in the Bible where God forced His will on another a person to change against their will! I have never found one and I doubt that you will find one.
I can find a lot of verses that show that God does NOT force His will onto people.

I am not trying to dash your hopes but I do not want you expecting God to do something that He does not do. I know that you are suffering and your husband is failing in a very important part of your marriage.

I have seen these type situations turn out good. What I have seen is that the suffering spouse finally makes God number one and not her /his spouse. What happened then was that God eventually started fulfilling His promises to the ones that make him number one. The result was that the dedicated person became much stronger and was not devastated. I am not saying that you will have no pain at all. I am saying that the pain will be mild and you will find other areas of life that are invigorating.

God does not want to be second place to your husband. You can not change your husband you can only change you!![/SIZE]
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post #27 of 39 (permalink) Old 11-07-2013, 12:20 PM
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Re: Sexless marriage and divorce

I find myself between a rock & a hard place with this subject. Sexless marriages are sins, but so is just going through the motions without real desire. It is said that you are being a prostitute for your spouse & only loaning out your body.
My wife has no interest or desire, but is willing when I persisted. This empty boring sex has now caused me to lose interest, I feel emotionally worse after, than not doing it at all. I know she isn't being purposely mean, just no spark? I don't see non emotional sex being any better than none in God's eyes, so I don't see how not to sin???
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post #28 of 39 (permalink) Old 11-07-2013, 01:52 PM
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Re: Sexless marriage and divorce

your done.....and rightfully so.

so what are you going to do about it?

you are a beliver and he is not or indifferent at best. so I don't think not divorcing because of your faith is the correct answer.

do you work? can you suport yourself?

start an exit plan.
save some money
seek legal advice
start working on your self....get as healthy as possible. exercise,eat right and get sleep.

start reading some how to divorce articals.

then when your ready hit the road.and don't look back!
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post #29 of 39 (permalink) Old 11-08-2013, 12:02 PM
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Re: Sexless marriage and divorce

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I find myself between a rock & a hard place with this subject. Sexless marriages are sins, but so is just going through the motions without real desire. It is said that you are being a prostitute for your spouse & only loaning out your body.
My wife has no interest or desire, but is willing when I persisted. This empty boring sex has now caused me to lose interest, I feel emotionally worse after, than not doing it at all. I know she isn't being purposely mean, just no spark? I don't see non emotional sex being any better than none in God's eyes, so I don't see how not to sin???
My opinion only here--I don't believe a sexless marriage is a sin necessarily. A person can't make themselves feel something that they just don't feel. Now withholding out of spite or malice is a different matter and you can make a pretty strong argument that it might qualify as a sin in that instance, but it doesn't sound like that's the case here.

You have to remember to make the distinction--just because something is bad doesn't mean it's a sin.

Still sucks though.

Darling it's better down where it's wetter, take it from me! --- Sebastian
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post #30 of 39 (permalink) Old 11-08-2013, 02:01 PM
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Re: Re: Sexless marriage and divorce

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My opinion only here--I don't believe a sexless marriage is a sin necessarily. A person can't make themselves feel something that they just don't feel. Now withholding out of spite or malice is a different matter and you can make a pretty strong argument that it might qualify as a sin in that instance, but it doesn't sound like that's the case here.

You have to remember to make the distinction--just because something is bad doesn't mean it's a sin.

Still sucks though.
Thanks & I was thinking the same thing, I'm figuring God has kept me here with her for a reason, so He'll take care of me.
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