christian, virgin, engaged, nonplussed about sex - Page 2 - Talk About Marriage
Relationships and Spirituality The place to look for faith based solutions.

User Tag List

 90Likes
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
post #16 of 51 (permalink) Old 02-02-2014, 06:36 PM
jld
Forum Supporter
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 19,585
Re: christian, virgin, engaged, nonplussed about sex

(((onebigknot)))


One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
jld is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #17 of 51 (permalink) Old 02-02-2014, 06:48 PM
Moderator
 
lifeistooshort's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 6,423
Re: christian, virgin, engaged, nonplussed about sex

I'm sorry onebigknot, but you did the right thing. My hb's daughter is a big southern Baptist and also decided to wait. She had gotten serious with her second bf and her parents loved him (he worked for espn), and her mother had arranged for him to spend the summer staying with her and working for her. He was an intern and she has her own business.....anyone she dumped him seemingly out of the blue. Her parents were devastated, but she told me privately that he didn't excite her and she thought she was settling. I told her she'd done the right thing because if he didn't excite her now it wasn't getting any better. She thanked me, and next month is marrying someone that DOES excite her.....I can see it when I see the two of them and they've been dating for almost 3 years. You'll find it too.
Posted via Mobile Device
lifeistooshort is online now  
post #18 of 51 (permalink) Old 02-02-2014, 08:00 PM
Member
 
SlowlyGettingWiser's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: On the cusp of something great!
Posts: 1,258
Re: christian, virgin, engaged, nonplussed about sex

onebigknot,

*hugs* not here to judge you; you must do what is right for YOU!

Please consider therapy for yourself; you stated that this has happened to you in previous relationships as well. There is therapy/counseling available on the internet. Please do this for YOU so you can insure that you are at your healthiest and ready for a new relationship when the time is right!


.
SlowlyGettingWiser is offline  
post #19 of 51 (permalink) Old 02-03-2014, 08:39 AM
Registered User
 
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 6
Re: christian, virgin, engaged, nonplussed about sex

Quote:
Originally Posted by onebigknot View Post
Just thought I would update:

I broke it off. It was hard and I am sad and lost, but it is right.

Now to take a deep breath and begin picking up the pieces.

Thanks to everyone for your input.
That was the right decision.

If you don't mind me asking, I got the impression from the original post that you are a virgin and 29 years old? I'm not asking to objurgate you but my view is that you are wasting the best years of your youth waiting for something that's not worth it considering the negative effects it has on your life.
Lovable Resin is offline  
post #20 of 51 (permalink) Old 02-03-2014, 08:50 AM
Member
 
Married but Happy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Florida
Posts: 4,475
Re: christian, virgin, engaged, nonplussed about sex

I admire your courage to take this big step, onebigknot, and hope you figure out how to avoid this dilemma in the future. May you find love and happiness.

Love is an ideal thing; marriage is a real thing; a confusion of the real with the ideal never goes unpunished. - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

CELIBACY IS NOT HEREDITARY.
Married but Happy is online now  
post #21 of 51 (permalink) Old 02-03-2014, 09:13 AM
Banned
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 2,526
Re: christian, virgin, engaged, nonplussed about sex

Quote:
Originally Posted by onebigknot View Post
'Testing out' sleeping together before marriage is not an option.
Pfft.

The only possible solution, the only way to see if you're sexually compatible is to have sex, and you maintain that it's "not an option".

Of course it's an option. You're going to gamble on a lifelong commitment, without knowing how compatible you are, when you could find out very easily?

It's like someone sitting in a burning car wreck and a passerby runs up to the car and says "let's get you out of here", and as the flames get closer to your body you say "leaving the car isn't an option".

You are your own worst enemy.

Just saw your recent post

Quote:
Originally Posted by onebigknot View Post
Just thought I would update:

I broke it off. It was hard and I am sad and lost, but it is right.
Best decision given the situation.

Of course, you could have had sex with the guy, it could have been amazing, and then you would have married and lived happily ever after. But that wasn't an option.
lenzi is offline  
post #22 of 51 (permalink) Old 02-07-2014, 10:13 PM
Member
 
IMFarAboveRubies's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: East of Eden
Posts: 1,495
Re: christian, virgin, engaged, nonplussed about sex

Quote:
Originally Posted by lenzi View Post
Pfft.

The only possible solution, the only way to see if you're sexually compatible is to have sex, and you maintain that it's "not an option".

Of course it's an option. You're going to gamble on a lifelong commitment, without knowing how compatible you are, when you could find out very easily?
This is so not true, onebigknot!

Sex gets better with time, love, and experience with each other. You do not have to try out a guy in advance. Now if he grosses you out, has bad breath, etc. then you know that won't improve. But if he is attractive to you, most likely things will be good in the bedroom.

As for being a virgin at 29, kudos to you! I'm sorry the relationship ended. Sorry he kept groping you, even though you had both agreed to not do it. I think that is what turned you off more than anything else.

Why did you have to wait so long to get married, may I ask? Maybe the next time you meet Mr. Right, set the wedding date a little closer, so neither of you will have mastered turning off your hormones, or begin to get frustrated when they don't turn off.
IMFarAboveRubies is offline  
post #23 of 51 (permalink) Old 02-08-2014, 01:16 PM
Banned
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 2,526
Re: christian, virgin, engaged, nonplussed about sex

Quote:
Originally Posted by IMFarAboveRubies View Post
This is so not true, onebigknot!

Sex gets better with time, love, and experience with each other. You do not have to try out a guy in advance. Now if he grosses you out, has bad breath, etc. then you know that won't improve. But if he is attractive to you, most likely things will be good in the bedroom.

As for being a virgin at 29, kudos to you! I'm sorry the relationship ended. Sorry he kept groping you, even though you had both agreed to not do it. I think that is what turned you off more than anything else.

Why did you have to wait so long to get married, may I ask? Maybe the next time you meet Mr. Right, set the wedding date a little closer, so neither of you will have mastered turning off your hormones, or begin to get frustrated when they don't turn off.
This is so not true, onebigknot!

There is nothing to be gained by waiting untii marriage to have sex. With different partners during your lifetime, you gain experience which you can and will eventually share with your marriage partner. When done with discretion and proper precautions, sex with multiple partners during one's lifetime can be satisfying and very enjoyable.

By having sex with your potential marriage partner you eliminate the risk of noncompatibility which seems to be a real issue for you now.

Other than vague, inconsistent and meaningless religious reasons there is no compelling reason for not having premarital sex. The whole concept is outdated and impractical.

To move up a wedding date and rushing into a lifelong commitment is, to me, an irresponsible and reckless way of handling this situation. It would be like telling someone who got their car repaired to go drive it down a twisty road at 120 mph in the middle of a blizzard just to make sure it's working right.

Last edited by lenzi; 02-08-2014 at 01:22 PM.
lenzi is offline  
post #24 of 51 (permalink) Old 02-08-2014, 01:50 PM
Banned
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Obamastan
Posts: 5,626
Re: christian, virgin, engaged, nonplussed about sex

Quote:
Originally Posted by lenzi View Post
This is so not true, onebigknot!

There is nothing to be gained by waiting untii marriage to have sex. With different partners during your lifetime, you gain experience which you can and will eventually share with your marriage partner.
Just remember, a key that opens any lock is called a Master Key. A lock that opens for any key is called worthless.

Last edited by Machiavelli; 02-08-2014 at 01:54 PM.
Machiavelli is offline  
post #25 of 51 (permalink) Old 02-08-2014, 01:57 PM
Banned
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 2,526
Re: christian, virgin, engaged, nonplussed about sex

Quote:
Originally Posted by Machiavelli View Post
Just remember, a key that opens any lock is called a Master Key. A lock that opens for any key is called worthless.
A woman who has a finite number of sex partners during her lifetime is not the same as a woman who will screw anyone who has the inclination.

I wouldn't even go far as to say a woman with a relatively high number of sex partners has less intrinsic value than one who has few or none.

lenzi is offline  
post #26 of 51 (permalink) Old 02-08-2014, 03:40 PM
Member
 
SlowlyGettingWiser's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: On the cusp of something great!
Posts: 1,258
Re: christian, virgin, engaged, nonplussed about sex

Quote:
Originally Posted by lenzi View Post
Other than vague, inconsistent and meaningless religious reasons there is no compelling reason for not having premarital sex. The whole concept is outdated and impractical.
But this is NOT how OneBigKnot views her religious beliefs. They may be meaningless to YOU, but they are not meaningless to OneBigKnot and she needs to live within her OWN definitions of morality - not yours, not mine, not anyone else's, just hers.

I will state right here that I am not religious. But, just because religion is not important to ME does not mean that I can't respect that it is important to others. Her way (virginity until marriage) would not work for you nor for I; but neither would our way work for her.

Get some counseling, OneBigKnot and find out why this is a REPEATED pattern with you in your important relationships.

.
SlowlyGettingWiser is offline  
post #27 of 51 (permalink) Old 02-08-2014, 04:31 PM
Banned
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 2,526
Re: christian, virgin, engaged, nonplussed about sex

Quote:
Originally Posted by SlowlyGettingWiser View Post
. Her way (virginity until marriage) would not work for you nor for I; but neither would our way work for her.
.
Well it our way "could" work for her, but she chooses to follow her religious customs rather than pursue a course of action that would be an almost surefire solution.

It would be like the guy who keeps tripping down the stairs refusing to tie his shoelaces because it goes against his belief that shoelaces should never be tied.
lenzi is offline  
post #28 of 51 (permalink) Old 02-08-2014, 05:27 PM
Member
 
SlowlyGettingWiser's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: On the cusp of something great!
Posts: 1,258
Re: christian, virgin, engaged, nonplussed about sex

No, it's more like people telling you, lenzi, to switch your sexual orientation (gay to straight OR straight to gay) because it worked for them.

Just because it worked for THEM does not mean it will work for YOU. You have to be who YOU are, whether others agree or not!

.
SlowlyGettingWiser is offline  
post #29 of 51 (permalink) Old 02-08-2014, 05:53 PM
Banned
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Obamastan
Posts: 5,626
Re: christian, virgin, engaged, nonplussed about sex

Quote:
Originally Posted by lenzi View Post
A woman who has a finite number of sex partners during her lifetime is not the same as a woman who will screw anyone who has the inclination.

I wouldn't even go far as to say a woman with a relatively high number of sex partners has less intrinsic value than one who has few or none.
Possibly not, intrinsically, but maritally the woman with fewer partners has a higher sexual market value.
Machiavelli is offline  
post #30 of 51 (permalink) Old 02-08-2014, 09:13 PM
Banned
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 2,526
Re: christian, virgin, engaged, nonplussed about sex

Quote:
Originally Posted by SlowlyGettingWiser View Post
No, it's more like people telling you, lenzi, to switch your sexual orientation (gay to straight OR straight to gay) because it worked for them.

Just because it worked for THEM does not mean it will work for YOU. You have to be who YOU are, whether others agree or not!.
I don't think sexual orientation is anything close to religious beliefs. Those who follow particular religions tend to pick and choose the rules they want to follow, and it's rather arbitrary, it's not all or none.

A person's sexual orientation does define them, whereas religious beliefs are a choice.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Machiavelli View Post
Possibly not, intrinsically, but maritally the woman with fewer partners has a higher sexual market value.
I'd think that depends on the guy.

I don't know that I'd be so quick to settle down with a woman who had little to no experience, whereas I have no problem being with a woman who is more.. shall we say.. experienced..?
lenzi is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Tags
christian, engaged, sex anxiety, virgin, worried

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.

User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in









Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools Search this Thread
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search



Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
I'm a non-Christian H, married to a ultra conservative Christian Wife and I want out forthekid Relationships and Spirituality 59 06-11-2013 07:10 PM
Virgin at marriage and missing out on sex wafer General Relationship Discussion 22 03-03-2012 11:23 AM
Christian wife vs. non Christian egotistical Husband Lostirishchick Considering Divorce or Separation 7 12-11-2011 09:39 AM

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome