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post #31 of 51 (permalink) Old 02-08-2014, 10:31 PM
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Re: christian, virgin, engaged, nonplussed about sex

Well, you may certainly choose to believe that a person's religious beliefs are on a (sub) par with their shoelaces, but I think you would be a minority of one.

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post #32 of 51 (permalink) Old 02-09-2014, 10:41 AM
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Re: christian, virgin, engaged, nonplussed about sex

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I'd think that depends on the guy.

I don't know that I'd be so quick to settle down with a woman who had little to no experience, whereas I have no problem being with a woman who is more.. shall we say.. experienced..?
You're right that it depends on the guy, I used to work with a lot of women who were swingers. Their husbands were into high mileage girls. However, this is a tiny percentage of the population.
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post #33 of 51 (permalink) Old 02-10-2014, 05:56 AM Thread Starter
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Re: christian, virgin, engaged, nonplussed about sex

This has led to some really interesting replies.
Something I have learned since the breakup is that: I wasn't turned on by my ex, because deep down I knew he wasn't right for me, deep down I wanted out. We've had some dark times and I just could not find peace around him, even though I desperately wanted to. So much of our relationship was great that I wanted to force it to work. The sex problem was just the most un-ignorable repercussion of the deeper trouble. Posting my dilemma on here was a way to help me process everything.

Losing sexual interest has happened to me once before, but it was with a guy that I wasn't really physically attracted to in the first place.

I know that waiting until marriage for sex is not a popular choice. Often people presume that I am naive, prudish or blindly devout for choosing to. But it's something I have considered very deeply. And I don't judge other people for living differently.

When I look inside and think about my life and the world, what makes my heart come alight? My real, soaring joy comes when the things of this world drop away. When I think about love and the beauty of the universe and God. It is only when I think about God, when I am with him, that I feel fully alive, and fully at peace. When my heart is aglow like that my own life seems so short and I want my all choices to be for good.

The excitement I feel from getting it on with someone (yes I'm not a complete rookie) is fun and intoxicating, but it's also about wanting to bond deeply with a person, and give them myself. If I'm not sure I am going to remain with that person, for me, it comes with an interior conflict - the bonding could be in vain and just cause a ton of heartache later. It is easy to gloss over this and make excuses like 'it's not hurting anyone', 'It's an expression of love', 'Everyone else does it and loves it' or even 'I need to sleep with him so I don't loose my sex drive'... but for me, the deep sense that it will bring something good is always missing. My motivation can always be deconstructed, it's shallow and not from that place of joy of God/love/goodness.
I have to follow my heart. If I don't, to me, that's a much bigger waste of these years than not having sex
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post #34 of 51 (permalink) Old 02-20-2014, 12:51 PM
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Re: christian, virgin, engaged, nonplussed about sex

That is the problem about save yourselves until marriage. I know the bible says that but after we marry, sex turns bad, unworthy, no fun at all.
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post #35 of 51 (permalink) Old 02-20-2014, 07:03 PM
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Re: christian, virgin, engaged, nonplussed about sex

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That is the problem about save yourselves until marriage. I know the bible says that but after we marry, sex turns bad, unworthy, no fun at all.
It doesn't always. Only if they let it.

You can use the 2x4 without adding nails to it.
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post #36 of 51 (permalink) Old 02-20-2014, 07:05 PM
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Re: christian, virgin, engaged, nonplussed about sex

Generally speaking, if you wait until you get married to have sex, you're missing out on a lot of great sex.

For no good reason whatsoever.

My 2 cents.
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post #37 of 51 (permalink) Old 02-20-2014, 08:25 PM
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Re: christian, virgin, engaged, nonplussed about sex

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Generally speaking, if you wait until you get married to have sex, you're missing out on a lot of great sex.

For no good reason whatsoever.

My 2 cents.
Again. Your opinion. Get over it. Not your body. Not your life. Not your choice. There is absolutely nothing wrong with waiting until you are married. I get that you don't understand why people choose to wait. But it doesn't mean you have to slam them for their convictions.

You can use the 2x4 without adding nails to it.
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post #38 of 51 (permalink) Old 02-21-2014, 12:06 AM
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Re: christian, virgin, engaged, nonplussed about sex

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Originally Posted by lenzi
Generally speaking, if you wait until you get married to have sex, you're missing out on a lot of great sex.

For no good reason whatsoever.

My 2 cents.

Your statement is not true for me.
I did not wait until I got married to have sex but I wished I had.

All the sex I had before marriage was nothing special and just orgasm excitements for a few minutes. I cannot remember much about that sex and wish I had been more committed to my faith.

Lenzi, you know what would be a good test for your statement? Ask the children if they feel proud that their parents did not wait until they got married to have sex with other people. Ask the parents if they teach their children to have sex before marriage so that they will not be “missing out on a lot of great sex”

Those are some good tests to find out about your theory!!!
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post #39 of 51 (permalink) Old 02-21-2014, 11:57 AM
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Re: christian, virgin, engaged, nonplussed about sex

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Lenzi, you know what would be a good test for your statement? Ask the children if they feel proud that their parents did not wait until they got married to have sex with other people. Ask the parents if they teach their children to have sex before marriage so that they will not be “missing out on a lot of great sex”

Those are some good tests to find out about your theory!!!
I think it's a lousy test. I'd never tell my children to "go out and have lots of sex".

What I would tell them is that since more than half of all marriages result in divorce, it's best not to rush into anything. Get out there, date, meet people, get involved in relationships, and really get an idea of how people are different and what you're really looking for so that when you do some day make what is supposed to be a lifelong commitment, you'll have wisdom and experience on your side. And if you do get involved with a committed relationship partner, it's ok, there's nothing wrong with that just because some people think they must wait to have sex until marriage- all because some old book of questionable value happens to says so.
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post #40 of 51 (permalink) Old 02-21-2014, 01:07 PM
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Re: christian, virgin, engaged, nonplussed about sex

Quote:
Originally Posted by lenzi
Generally speaking, if you wait until you get married to have sex, you're missing out on a lot of great sex.

For no good reason whatsoever.

My 2 cents.


By BLUNT
Your statement is not true for me.
I did not wait until I got married to have sex but I wished I had.

All the sex I had before marriage was nothing special and just orgasm excitements for a few minutes. I cannot remember much about that sex and wish I had been more committed to my faith.

Lenzi, you know what would be a good test for your statement? Ask the children if they feel proud that their parents did not wait until they got married to have sex with other people. Ask the parents if they teach their children to have sex before marriage so that they will not be “missing out on a lot of great sex”

Those are some good tests to find out about your theory!!!


By Lenzi
I think it's a lousy test. I'd never tell my children to "go out and have lots of sex".

Why wouldn’t you? You are the one that said
“…if you wait until you get married to have sex, you're missing out on a lot of great sex.”
Under your statement your children would miss out on all the “great sex” that you mentioned

You think that my test is “Lousy”. My test is a good one and tells the story in real life and contradicts your theory.

All the sex you have before marriage maybe exciting for a few minutes but I know of no son that wants to hear about his mother’s sexual adventures with other men and I know of no daughter that wants to hear about all the chicks that her dad laid. Having sex with others that are not your children’s parent lasts only a few minutes and is not something that children would be proud of.








Quote:
“…some people think they must wait to have sex until marriage- all because some old book of questionable value happens to says so.”


The “old book” that you are referring to has withstood the test of time and attacks for CENTURIES yet is still a best seller after hundreds and hundreds of years! In fact that book is the most used book for morality in the western world and has been for thousands of years.

However, I guess you think that we should accept your attack on this book and listen to you. You are not even 100 years old and yet you think you have more wisdom than that “old book”? You think that you have more wisdom than Jesus Christ!


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post #41 of 51 (permalink) Old 02-21-2014, 01:43 PM
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Re: christian, virgin, engaged, nonplussed about sex

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I know of no son that wants to hear about his mother’s sexual adventures with other men and I know of no daughter that wants to hear about all the chicks that her dad laid.
You're the one who said to go tell my children to have sex as some sort of a test.
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post #42 of 51 (permalink) Old 06-17-2014, 08:18 PM
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Re: christian, virgin, engaged, nonplussed about sex

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This is so not true, onebigknot!

There is nothing to be gained by waiting untii marriage to have sex. With different partners during your lifetime, you gain experience which you can and will eventually share with your marriage partner.

Not all people are the same. What is good for one person may not be good for another.

Oh, yes....and the first time you sleep with someone new you tell them, "Now let me show you what my old flame taught me." Yeah, sure. A real turn on, and heart warmer.

When done with discretion and proper precautions, sex with multiple partners during one's lifetime can be satisfying and very enjoyable.

If you're a player, and out to "get some." With proper precautions....sure. Let's see, how many different fathers do the children of single mother down the street have?

My son knows several such people...male and female... they have sex, breed like animals and move on. They use "safe sex" and the girl ends up with a baby, and the guy leaves her and the child/children. Both are losers, and move on to the next sex partner and they bring more neglected children into the world.


By having sex with your potential marriage partner you eliminate the risk of noncompatibility which seems to be a real issue for you now.

How about the stories told here on TAM about people who pretend to like things before M, and then change after M. No guarantees by tasting the candy beforehand.

Other than vague, inconsistent and meaningless religious reasons there is no compelling reason for not having premarital sex. The whole concept is outdated and impractical.

Maybe only for you. I know plenty of people who still abide by those "outdated and impractical" beliefs, and who get happily married. They go on to have babies...so they must be having sex. They are not D-ing, and are still acting lovingly to each other, so they seem to be happy.

Then I also know people who sleep with anyone who will have sex with them. They go from heartbreak to heartbreak, because they can't control their feelings. One person I know is to the point that their heart is hardened by so much heartbreak after sex that they don't want to date...just get laid.



To move up a wedding date and rushing into a lifelong commitment is, to me, an irresponsible and reckless way of handling this situation. It would be like telling someone who got their car repaired to go drive it down a twisty road at 120 mph in the middle of a blizzard just to make sure it's working right.
Don't put words into my mouth. I didn't say to rush into a marriage. Just not to have a long engagement. I recommend 6 months to a year, max.

And lenzi, your eye is creepy.

Last edited by IMFarAboveRubies; 06-17-2014 at 08:35 PM.
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post #43 of 51 (permalink) Old 06-27-2014, 12:11 AM
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Re: christian, virgin, engaged, nonplussed about sex

I think you did the right thing breaking off this relationship. But you have come out and admitted that you have a pattern here, and it's not a good one. You want to wait until marriage: admirable, good for you! But, you said that this is not the first time you have lost sexual interest after a long engagement. Well DUH! I went on the Atkins diet for 6 months once. After 6 months of no sugar, I lost my taste or desire for sweets, in fact, I found it revolting! I really don't think God would want anyone to go through what you are putting yourself through. I'm not suggesting that you have premarital sex. but if you meet someone, and they are "the one", it is stupid to wait years AGAIN before you get married. Because you will have the same result! You sex switch is being switched off by going against nature.
I get irritated by modern day Christians who don't realize you can't have it both ways. People used to save themselves for marriage because they got married young. They had to wait until they were between 16 and 20 or so to get married and have sex. Big freakin deal. Now people want college, careers, etc and still think they can wait. And I have a newsflash, most Christians are having premarital sex, but they don't tell anyone! The only way to be chaste is to not torment each other forever. It's against nature what you are trying to do. I don't believe God had any intention of people waiting until they have dated someone for YEARS, and were 30 + to get married.
I hate to sound cliché, but you are turning yourself into an old maid! you know this will happen again, if you continue this same pattern. we can't tell you specifically what to do, but you must see a counselor about this. Good luck!

Last edited by violet37; 06-27-2014 at 12:14 AM. Reason: finish a point
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post #44 of 51 (permalink) Old 06-28-2014, 02:12 PM
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Re: christian, virgin, engaged, nonplussed about sex

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Then you would be mistaken.
Please quote me CORRECTLY. I said that someone who equates another person's religious beliefs on a par with that person tying his shoelaces would be a minority of one.

...unless YOU, too, believe religious beliefs = shoelace tying?
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post #45 of 51 (permalink) Old 06-30-2014, 04:56 PM
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Re: christian, virgin, engaged, nonplussed about sex

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Please quote me CORRECTLY. I said that someone who equates another person's religious beliefs on a par with that person tying his shoelaces would be a minority of one.

...unless YOU, too, believe religious beliefs = shoelace tying?
Oh, you were quoted correctly.

It might be a minority but the number is a heck of a lot greater than one.

More like 1 in 5 and that number is growing as people finally start to figure out that religion is an archaic, outdated concept.
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