Conservative vs. Liberal Christian Marriage
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Old 06-18-2010, 11:00 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Question Conservative vs. Liberal Christian Marriage

My husband and I are both Christian and of the same denomination. However, he is more of a conservative and I'm more liberal. In the past he has been very critical of my views, and I have done\ haven't done certain things just to make him happy. But in doing that, being a Christian has lost its joy and become more of a burden. This has also had a negative affect on our relationship. He isn't as critical as he used to be, and doesn't say much when I do something that he doesn't agree with. But, I still know that doesn't agree with it.

How do we not let our differences in beliefs get in the way of our relationship? How can I still have my own beliefs, and still make him happy? How do I not let his opinion affect my self-esteem, and make me feel like a bad person because my beliefs are not the same as his?
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Old 06-19-2010, 10:25 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Conservative vs. Liberal Christian Marriage

the problem i read here is.....
the very words u use "my beliefs/his beliefs."

this is where most if not all christians go wrong. we go astray w/ the notion of our beliefs differ from their beliefs. this shouldnt be the case, dont u agree?
i mean, if Jesus is at the center of our being, our core, our beliefs then we shouldnt disagree(too strongly) over much of
anything other than "i like sushi but he doesnt" or "what is an
idol to you dear?" kinda stuff.

if u r saying old testament thinking vs new testament thinking
then i can see some of what u r saying but again, w/ some
education/study u'd both see the common ground and no need
for small diff's to overwhelm yer rel'shp. u digg?

maybe i didnt get the gist of what u were trying to say as ur
post was alittle short. if so, then fire away.

yet in short, if u r both in christ then there should be harmony
not animosity/resentment brewing/growing.

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Old 06-19-2010, 06:27 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Conservative vs. Liberal Christian Marriage

cb45:

Sorry that I didn't explain my situation very well. I'll give you an example of what I'm talking about.

My husband doesn't like TV. He thinks most programs have a lot of morality issues, and he doesn't want the kids growing up watching TV...he thinks it will corrupt them. I don't completely agree with his opinion. I don't think all programs are bad, and watching two or three programs a week is fine. He has been very critical of me in the past, and for two years I didn't watch any TV because I wanted to make him happy. I do watch some TV now, but every time I do I feel like he is criticizing me even though he doesn't say anything out loud.

These are the types of differences in beliefs that we have.
So, how do we look past these differences? This has affected my self-esteem, because I feel like a bad christian\wife\mother because I don't always agree with him on certain issues.
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Old 06-19-2010, 07:44 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Conservative vs. Liberal Christian Marriage

I'm assuming the TV issues is only one of many issues. Do you even belong to the same religious denomination? Have you tried seeking help from your minister? I certainly see where you are going to have self-esteem issues--he is putting you down for your beliefs.
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Old 06-20-2010, 10:32 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Conservative vs. Liberal Christian Marriage

"sounds like life to me"---Darryl Worley (country song USA)

wow hl.....its so ironic u wrote this cuz its the same for me
and my W, just reversed. shes the conserv, me the liberal.
i went along while the kids were young, cuz parenthood can
make a conservative outta ya especially concerning child
rearing. i didnt like it sometimes, but compromised for kids
benefit. i knew my time woud come and it did when they
became teens.

now she whelps n whines but its her turn to compromise as
me n the lads laugh at her. she doesnt like cussin, nudity,
and cheating story lines, as well as too much violence.

i dont prefer them either, but if not overwhelmed by any
of said dislikes, then hey, i'm from NYC NY, i've seen/heard
alot in my early youth, leaving me somewhat jaded and
calloused comp to her midwest upbringing.

richard pryor, eddie murphy, & chris rock have some funny
material, but i cant take hearing the bleep bleep bleep that
comes it, some days. but balanced tasteful writing and
cinema graphics makes most tv/movie fare palatable to me

my wife doesnt seem to know the bible as well as she should.
so we dont disagree there too often, as she cant quote as
well or as often as i can/do. i usually try to be diplomatic
about it tho' as i use neutral wording w/ words like:
"i think" "it could mean this/that" " i'm not sure...." etc.

i think if yer H can quote and develop his position based on the
bible, then u too should be able to retort in the SAME manner.
if there is a standoff on something then u either agree to disagree, or get the pastor to settle it for both u2, assuming
he's a strong pastor w/ semminary education etc.
i hope this helps.
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Old 06-22-2010, 07:53 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: Conservative vs. Liberal Christian Marriage

We belong to the same denomination...just he is more conservative than I am.

As I said, he used to be very critical and always voiced his thoughts. Now, he doesn't say much and has even relaxed on some of his views. We actually just moved to a very secluded location, and he has offered to get me a satellite so that I wouldn't be bored. I think the problem now is the damage that the criticizing has done to me and my self-esteem. Every time I do something that I know he doesn't agree with, like watching TV, I feel bad about it and I feel like he is thinks bad about me...even though he says he doesn't.
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Old 06-29-2010, 03:37 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: Conservative vs. Liberal Christian Marriage

Do you perhaps feel that he is right and not realize it?

I have a story to share that seems relevant so here goes.

until we started dating my husband never ever saw what I feel/felt christmas really was. I LOVE christmas, the magic of the season, the lights, the festivities, the family, and getting to give someone something that I feel will bring them joy and sharing that joy with them. (i especially strive to make my mom cry) The love of christmas means everything to me...I even bake brownies for my coworkers who have to work christmas eve and deliver them.

A friend of ours who is a self worshiping self proclaim messianic jew decided to throw in my husbands face where we are instructed to not errect a pine tree in our home with a star on it or whatever carved in it.

Many arguements ensued, how could we celebrate halloween and not christmas...a sharing of love and joy and family in the name of christ? I felt slighted and angry, there was a year we didn't have a tree up. Then the following year we got our tree, I thought I'd love it but it saddened me.

I can't argue the word of god and while we're both in between liberal and conservative..he is right, I know it, I've accepted it, and it broke my heart.

My thoughts on tv are similar to a sermon a pastor at one of the churches we briefly attended gave. TV is noise. I can stare at that thing all day and never once have the thought to pray, clean, function, do anything, it blocks out my communication with god by numbing my mind and pacifying me. It's important to enjoy the silence, its important to communicate with god, and its important to hear the sounds god gave us to hear.

I haven't had cable in 2 years and I don't miss it. For kids, frankly the amount of obscenity on tv even with parental controls leaves maybe one or two channels, its ridiculous.

Perhaps it would help if you could watch something on tv with your husband, or just a christian movie with him. break that wall that was put up so long ago. With me and my dilemma, I had to realize ultimately my husband was right and all my whining didn't make up for it...so maybe you feel he's right too and are having guilt doing otherwise and its not so much his judgement your feeling but a mis identification of your own?
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Old 06-29-2010, 10:08 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: Conservative vs. Liberal Christian Marriage

thats a good confession, esp coming from a messianic jewish family from buffalo, syracuse, or rochester(all of 'em, brrrrrr...)ny.

but i cant surmise how u or hubby explain the diff btwn xmas vs halloween???
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Old 06-30-2010, 12:32 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: Conservative vs. Liberal Christian Marriage

I think it is the black & white mentality , the Us vs. them mentality of many christians that causes this - and ultimitely the guilty feelings they lay at our feet when we disagree or want to enjoy something they condemn or feel is wrong.

Many Liberal Christians do NOT take the Bible as infallable. Not sure where you stand on this, but generally the Conservatives DO, therein lies the problem. You are left questioning your own desires /wants - just because your husband sees them "too worldly" - "too fleshly" according to the scriptures & his interpretation.

I can relate to how you feel but not because I live with a spouse who does this to me. I more so live with an older son who is very spiritual , and I often WANT to corrupt him a little cause I find him bashing the world in ways that I do not find harmful in any way, shape or form -nor do I feel a Loving God is against all that he claims. I often tell him if he turns into a Fundamentalist, I will kick him out of my house. We laugh about it.

I am personally a black sheep myself, I still attend a very conservative Church on occasion - just cause I have friends there & they have an awesome program for the kids. But I know I would much more "fit in" with a Liberal minded Christian Church than where I am. Because of their separation mentality, I no longer even consider myself a Christian at all , the word itself invites much Judgement when conservatives want to look at your life. I fall miserably short, according to their decrees on what constitutes a REAL Christian.

But I love my life , I believe in the Golden Rule- that God judges us by HOW we treat others, isn't that what it really comes down too - Shouldnt it - no matter our beliefs -but how we treat our fellow man ? I have always felt Liberals care more about THIS part of religion, whereas Conservatives expect such Holiness , some are SO heavenly minded that, they tend to overlook the mercy & trample it many times. Tolerance vanished.

It really is a shame your husband is doing this to you, maybe he does not realize. He is probably more thinking of what His HOLY God expects from us, than how he is treating his fellow spouse. Please talk to him, I am sure he would not want to push you away from your beliefs or hear you are feeling them as more of a burden -because of his treatment towards you.

You did say he is not as bad as he used to be.
A blessing there.

Moderation is the key in all things: not all Republicans are right, not all Democrats, not all Liberals , nor all conservatives, Much goodness can come from seeing another's side, if we just listen and observe, and not feel we have ALL the answers all of the time. Pray your husband gets ahold of this truth.
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Old 06-30-2010, 06:12 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: Conservative vs. Liberal Christian Marriage

Quote:
Originally Posted by cb45 View Post
thats a good confession, esp coming from a messianic jewish family from buffalo, syracuse, or rochester(all of 'em, brrrrrr...)ny.

but i cant surmise how u or hubby explain the diff btwn xmas vs halloween???
we are not messianic jew, our self worshipping friend is, as a means to float his ego. (he's quite the character, but good at heart)

He didn't. He ignored it, Halloween has long been his favorite holiday, and I had stopped celebrating it until we started dating.

I'm actually between rochester and syracuse in the middle of nowhere land. (that was indeed a brief music reference btw, you seem to appreciate them)
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Old 06-30-2010, 01:44 PM   #11 (permalink)
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tks CL i flip stns in the car sometimes and hear a "catchy" country tune, and say "hey maybe cuuuuntry aint all that bad?"

how can a messianic friend influence u n yer hubby so much?
am i missing something here, some piece of the puzzle?

Amorous wrote:

I think it is the black & white mentality , the Us vs. them mentality of many? christians that causes this - and ultimitely the guilty feelings they lay at our feet when we disagree or want to enjoy something they condemn or feel is wrong.
uh, we share the word, and the Holy Spirit does the rest, usually. sometimes presence alone causes nonbelievers discomfort too. funny we see here
at TAM many times "he/she makes me feel..." and once in awhile a sharp-one informs them(& the rm)that "no one can make u feel anything....." yada yada. unless u r getting yelled at & spat(spittle) upon, i dont see the feelings being transferred upon the listener, but insteadtriggered by what little(?) light they may have(left?) in them for the HSpirit to work with.


Many(really?) Liberal Christians do NOT take the Bible as infallable.i think some liberals are offended by this remark as the bible IS infallable, 'cuz they agree w/ Conserv's that it is MAN who is fallible, not Gods word.
(which by the way, is like saying God is fallible too since his word is)
Not sure where you stand on this, but generally the Conservatives DO, therein lies the problem. You are left questioning(one should question themselves, as well as others, esp wants/desires, no?) your own desires /wants - just because your husband sees them "too worldly" - "too fleshly" according to the scriptures & his interpretation.i wrote on this earlier, not sure if it was w/ CL or not, but i wrote basically if she or he could back up scripturally what they're saying/contending over then
and the other couldnt refute it, scripturally he/she would be in
the right. if both can produce scripture then agree to disagree or go see a semminary trained pastor etc.


I often tell him if he turns into a Fundamentalist, I will kick him out of my house.(<---this would invalidate yer questionable liberal status, no?) We laugh about it.and yes, i get the joke aspect too.

I am personally a black sheep myself, (or wolf in sheeps clothing perhaps? see more below)I still attend a very conservative Church on occasion - just cause I have friends there & they have an awesome program for the kids. But I know I would much more "fit in" with a Liberal minded Christian Church than where I am. Because of their separation mentality, I no longer even consider myself a Christian at all ,(WOW. u either just came out the closet(in worst way)or miswrote who u r, what u really stand for....etc. humans babble enough as it is, but we
should use extra care here, on spiritual matters/grounds/declarations, as u've just DENIED Jesus who was/is the Christ and Messiah.)
the word itself invites much Judgement when conservatives want to look at your life. I fall miserably short, according to their decrees on what constitutes a REAL Christian.We all fall short, but if u r aware of it and praying
for forgiveness, strength n wisdom to carry on, then Grace covers the rest. more on this below.


But I love my life(too much perhaps?) , I believe in the Golden Rule- that God judges us by HOW we treat others, isn't that what it really comes down too - Shouldnt it - no matter our beliefs -but how we treat our fellow man ?(Yes and No. yes part is obvious.
no part entails if u r Christian, then u dont write stuff like:" no matter our beliefs..." as beliefs matter period. Christians still to this day DIE FOR THEIR BELIEFS, as they did over the last 2 millennia. I guess by tone set here, liberals wouldnt dare lay down their lives aye?
I have always felt Liberals care more about THIS part of religion, whereas Conservatives expect such Holiness , some are SO heavenly minded that, they tend to overlook the mercy & trample it many times. Tolerance vanished.

It really is a shame your husband is doing this to you, maybe he does not realize. He is probably more thinking of what His HOLY God expects from us, than how he is treating his fellow spouse. Please talk to him, I am sure he would not want to push you away from your beliefs or hear you are feeling them as more of a burden -because of his treatment towards you.

Moderation is the key in all (all? no!)things: not all Republicans are right, not all Democrats, not all Liberals , nor all conservatives, Much goodness can come from seeing another's side, if we just listen and observe, and not feel we have ALL the answers all of the time.[

underlined above is probably best thing u wrote here & its so universally used/restated u cant really claim it as yer idea. heck i've even used it in the past, but not usually w/ religious-spiritual things.

i'd like u to state clearly, who u r, or what u really believe amorous, as these are both interchangible and ONE & the SAME. U start out calling yerself a liberal but write like a wolf who was in sheeps clothing by denying Jesus as already quoted/commented on above. Better u say u r coming from the devils den or some such, so the reader may know where u 2 are coming from.

i am Christian. not liberal, not conservative. those labels are usually used by both secular(somewhat ignorant) and church
"scholarly" types alike to manage complex people/ideas to something they can comprehend & respond to. i recognize i may share some views that are deemed liberal or conserv by
others but that does not make me stamped-branded-fixed
in any camp. for i seek the truth, which has no party affliation last time i checked(and i'm independent, as politics go).

absolute truth is in the bible. i may not always like it, but thats just about the only place i'll find it 100% of the time on earth.
i'm not going to quote Peter, Paul, or the Master himself, as i get the impression coming from me, it wouldnt phase u any, as u may not be learned enough to keep up or counter w/ any
biblical quotations.

if i seem harsh (or conservative in yer explanation of things,lol)
its because if one is all over the map(on your post)on who they are giving advice on the christian angle of things, saying shes a liberal christian, then not, then.....what? if yer not w/ Jesus then yer against him, whether u acknowledge it or not. i dont want yer beliefs to go unchallenged here, esp on relationships n spirituality.

am i trying to personally shove "guilty feelings" on ya?
nope. but if the HSpirit does that 4 ya consider yerself really fortunate, as u have chance to turn away from what is fundamentally the opposite of Gods thinking. i.e., Plan of man's salvation begins and ends w/ Jesus life death and resurrection.

am i trying to change yer liberal mindset? yes & no. yes, because anyone who(in reality)believes in nothing, will fall for anything(---originator unknown)! Paul wrote of women not being leaders in church, based on this proclivity, originally displayed by Eve.
and no, because if u r coming from a compassion side of things as a christian then, i'm all for sharpening my sword, iron to iron, as i'll only get learn something new and/or get better as a result for the next battle/trial/meeting etc.

i look forward to any n all responses from hlmartin(the OP), CL, amorous, et al.
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Old 06-30-2010, 03:11 PM   #12 (permalink)
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because with my husband, if you point something out in the bible that he does that it says not to, and he can't find a way to justify why its okay when he does it...he in turn will become a preacher for that point. So when shown where it specifically instructs not to do that, he can't argue it.

hes still young in his biblical understanding and since the tree was something easy for him to drop, it was okay to do so. (vs anything he actually enjoys, which would be hard to give up)
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Old 06-30-2010, 04:12 PM   #13 (permalink)
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YouTube - Beautiful One - Chris Tomlin LYRICS

i shouldve used mood(lighting)links to get us "in the spirit"
perhaps, b4 i approched this subject. my apologies.

YouTube - MY REDEEMER LIVES - NICOLE C MULLEN VIDEO WITH LYRICS

or if u wanna dance/celebrate......

YouTube - Mary Mary - Shackles (Praise You)

And pt of fact re: my philos/spirituality:

God isnt: a conservative, liberal, apologist, democrat, republican,independent, american,israeli,catholic, protestant
or jew.
God isnt: islamic, hindu, hebrew or even a christian.
Gods name isnt: allah, jehovah, yeshua,el shaddai, adoni, or any other name that only describe one of his many characteristics he can display.

names are limiting/labeling functions for man's puny brain to try to comprehend and communicate w/ God on our limited scale of capabilities. names connotate ownership and mgmt of same, as already describe above. no one owns God. He owns us.

there is more to say, but this will suffice for now.
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Old 06-30-2010, 04:20 PM   #14 (permalink)
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GOD IS LOVE.

GOD IS LOVE.

(AND AGAIN I STATE(BIBLICALLY TOO):

GOD IS LOVE.

:biggrina ngelA:
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Old 06-30-2010, 04:33 PM   #15 (permalink)
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to CL,
I'd say cut hubby some slack as we all have to start somewhere. as long as he's earnest/honest in his attempts,
i think he'll mature thru exp's some day maybe soon to see what u see on "pumpkin vs tree."

he'll come to see the parallels btwn all pagan rituals vs
christian/jewish/biblical ones. most likely in study grps i'd say.
tv also has alot of teaching it can provide, if u r selective, that is.

he'll probably resist anything from u, but maybe if u tighten up yer study/knowledge base, u may find him jealously listening to u in the future. its happened many times b4 across the globe & in history.

whatta ya think?
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