Missing physical attraction

rocky31223 · 07-08-2010, 12:27 PM

I am not married but have been seeing my best friend on and off for a while. When we met, we were just friends and I explained to him that I was not attacted to him at all. But as we got closer and I began to get to know him, and I fell in love. But, I have always doubted the relationship or future because of the physical thing and feel like I am not in love anymore. My family tells me I'm vain and that God doesnt like that but I am worried that if we were to get married, that I wouldnt be sexually interested in appeasing him (I am waiting for marriage) because of the lack of physical attraction or that I might always be seeing other men and feel like I am missing out on that aspect.

But, on the other hand, I am worried that I am focusing on this too much and that I may lose out on an incredible incredible man. He is not christian like I am but has accepted Jesus as his lord and savior, he is respectful, considerate, passionate, loving, just overall amazing. We mesh so well and this for me is very very incredibly hard to find. He has attributes that for me are what Id want and need in a husband.

There are times when we are kissing that I feel an attraction to him, and i love being that way with him because there is a very strong love and connection that we have for one another. but, unless we are that way...like when we are talking or walking, or just hanging out, seeing the way he looks bothers me.

I have also prayed about it a lot and feel like I dont get an answer, which is also quite frustrating. I have prayed that if he is not the one, that God take him out of my life. but that has not happened and he is generally persiatant..not in being my boyfriend but in being in my life. Should I take that as a sign?

I have had dreams about it being our wedding day and I am about to call off the wedding. I am really tired of thinking about it!

Yet I still think about that a lot and sometimes wonder if this is a real issue or if I am just scared of being stuck. And if I am just scared, how can I get rid of that feeling? I hear friends who are in a similar situation and they always say things like "beauty is in the eye of the beholder" but y dont I feel that way?

Any thoughts or advice would be greatly appreciated!

cb45 · 07-09-2010, 01:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rocky31223

I am not married but have been seeing my best friend on and off for a while. When we met, we were just friends and I explained to him that I was not attacted to him at all. But as we got closer and I began to get to know him, and I fell in love. But, I have always doubted the relationship or future because of the physical thing and feel like I am not in love anymore. My family tells me I'm vain and that God doesnt like that but I am worried that if we were to get married, that I wouldnt be sexually interested in appeasing him (I am waiting for marriage) because of the lack of physical attraction or that I might always be seeing other men and feel like I am missing out on that aspect. can't help ya here Rock, as this is a personal preference kinda thing re: sex life, quality/quantity etc. also dont know if ur parents r onto something w/ yer vanity sentence or just yer recollection/interpretation of what they actually said/meant.
we all error in this regard from time2time.

But, on the other hand, I am worried that I am focusing on this too much and that I may lose out on an incredible incredible man. He is not christian like I am but has accepted Jesus as his lord and savior,<---why is it we make contradictory stmts like this one all the day long??? & does this almost qualify as an oxymoron, a paradox, anyone??? he is respectful, considerate, passionate, loving, just overall amazing. We mesh so well and this for me is very very incredibly hard to find. He has attributes that for me are what Id want and need in a husband. and the jeopardy clock/bell tick/plays "....dee dee dee dah, dee dee dee.....ennh ennhh." then alex trebek speaks: "and your answer is....?"

There are times when we are kissing that I feel an attraction to him, and i love being that way with him because there is a very strong love and connection that we have for one another. but, unless we are that way...like when we are talking or walking, or just hanging out, seeing the way he looks bothers me. Trebek(again) "No sorry thats not the correct answer we're looking for. the answer is....."

I have also prayed about it a lot and feel like I dont get an answer, which is also quite frustrating. I have prayed that if he is not the one, that God take him out of my life. but that has not happened and he is generally persiatant..not in being my boyfriend but in being in my life. Should I take that as a sign?
signs signs, we all want signs (dont we) but what did Jesus say about signs several times in the bible my Christian Rock friend?

I have had dreams about it being our wedding day and I am about to call off the wedding. I am really tired of thinking about it!

Yet I still think about that a lot and sometimes wonder if this is a real issue or if I am just scared of being stuck.Hee hee, so's yer dad, Rock, w/ the bill that is (sorry couldnt resist) And if I am just scared, how can I get rid of that feeling? I hear friends who are in a similar situation and they always say things like "beauty is in the eye of the beholder" but y dont I feel that way? Not sure what ur driving at w/ yer ending here. its a little disjointed. "come again?"

Any thoughts or advice would be greatly appreciated!

remember now, u wrote "any."

"u can wager none or all of it....place yer bet pls"

hillybug · 07-10-2010, 12:31 PM

I think attraction to someone is based mainly on their character.
I was not physically attracted to my husband when I first met him, either. He wasn't bad looking, but wasn't one of those guys that all the girls gush over. But, once I started to get to know him and his character, I became more and more attracted to him. Now that my husband and I are having some marital problems, and I don't feel as attracted him, even physically. My physical attraction to my husband seems to be connected with how I think of his character.

What exactly do you find unattractive about his physical appearance? We don't all look like Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie...we have to be realistic in our expectations.