nowayout

Where to begin.... Well I have been married for 19 years tomorrow and for the past 10 years it has been a struggle. We married out of her getting pregnant at the age of her 20 and me 19. Then 2 years later, we had our 2nd. That is where things turned in our relationship. She became sexually surpressed and this was a strain on me but I continued to push it aside and work thru that issue. Then after about 9 years, she developed a severe case of anxiety attacks which took a huge emotional toll on me and her. We dealt thru that for 4 years, with me having to re-assure her daily that things would be fine, that I loved her and we were going to make it thru. Well, about a year after these attacks were finally over, she had a fling with her ex-boyfriend in which she said some nasty things about me on AOL to some of her friends and met with him. She swears to me up to this day she never had sex with him but I feel differently and have no proof against it. After I exposed this to her, she repented, but things have never been the same. I still struggle to this day dealing with what happened. We do have sex every once in a while but I think it is only to satisfy our sexual needs. We don't sleep together, but she says it is because she can't sleep and she doesn't want to keep me up. Our kids are now 18 & 16 and I had thought of seperating after my youngest graduates HS but we found out that my wife is pregnant and due in Nov. What do I do? I don't find her attractive anymore after all we have gone thru and she has gained so much weight (before being pregnant) that she isn't desirable anymore. I feel like I am putting on a show to everyone to make things look as though they are fine. We both are Christians, and I know that I would be sinning if I were to divorce her. I feel as though I have NO WAY OUT! Where do I turn?

Wisp

No easy answer, marriage is for the long run regardless how your partner looks.

Your route at this stage is to talk to her, sharing your problems with one another and solving them together, each of you write down what you like about each other, work on the positives.Try marriagebuilders.com for some of there downloads.

lbell629

Are there any couples in your church who's marriage you admire? try to hang out with them more or ask them if they'd be willing to mentor you guys and help hold you accountable to changing things? have you guys tried counseling to help you talk about your issues as a couple and individually? and if she won't go, will you go by yourself? ask your church for recommendations on a marriage counselor.

turnera

Read the book His Needs Her Needs, to see what it takes to keep in love. You can make the changes it calls for and make a big difference for both of you.

Brewster 59

Unfortunatley christians divorce rate is about the same as secular D rate. However God hates divorce, and really with a little one on the way I think you should honor your vows and try to reconcile the marriage. Talk to your pastor, talk to your wife, it seems like this marriage is not all that to her either. Read the book T recommends she has a lot of good advice. Pray for reconcillation and guidance.

pochael

First, whatever you invest your time money and effort into is what will be important to you. And at the moment that does not seem to be your wife. I could be completely wrong. However, I understand where you are coming from. And you being a Christian, I would like to make one suggestion. Go out today to any book store or even wal mart and purchase the book called the love dare. This is a book that will get you back on the true journey with Christ while at the same time leading your heart back to your wife.

Dean M.

I know where you're coming from. I've been down that valley, and my heart goes out to you.

You asked where do you turn. Turn to the Gospel.

As Christian husbands, we are called to love our wives as Christ loves the church. The thing every Christian celebrates about Christ's love for us is that its unconditional. Not only do we not deserve it, but we have never and never will deserve it, and no matter what we do it cannot be lost. His love isn't dependant on our response, or even on our performance. He didn't wait for us to become lovely before he loved us. He picked us up out of our filth and loves us until we become lovely. That, sir, is your life's goal.

So what do you do? You love her until she's lovely. You live the gospel in everything you do towards her. You do the things that make her feel special even if you don't want to, all the while praying that God will return those feelings of affection you once felt. In short, you reflect on to her the grace God has offered you.