God May Be Leading Me To Marry This Man, But He's Not What I Expected Or Wanted. HELP - Page 2 - Talk About Marriage
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post #16 of 41 (permalink) Old 12-29-2013, 11:29 PM
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Re: God May Be Leading Me To Marry This Man, But He's Not What I Expected Or Wanted.

You need some girlfriends. All your so-called friends are men that you are flirting with - those are not friends, and they will not last once the flirtation is over one way or another.

Aren't there any women at whatever church you attend?

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post #17 of 41 (permalink) Old 12-29-2013, 11:47 PM
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Re: God May Be Leading Me To Marry This Man, But He's Not What I Expected Or Wanted.

I'd talk to your Church pastor about this. Given your story as well as his track record, I'd greatly say that he would tell you to take a pass on Reynold! He could well be trying to pull the wool down over your eyes!

Your gut instinct speaks volumes! Listen to it intently!

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post #18 of 41 (permalink) Old 12-30-2013, 12:14 AM
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Re: God May Be Leading Me To Marry This Man, But He's Not What I Expected Or Wanted.

Talk to some older Godly women in your church who have had a successful spiritual life. They have made mistakes and can give you good advice( be careful who you get advice from) chose only those who have a "Grip on life" and your pastor as someone else said.

There is a reason you don't have peace and are confused ...RUN
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post #19 of 41 (permalink) Old 12-30-2013, 12:53 AM
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Re: God May Be Leading Me To Marry This Man, But He's Not What I Expected Or Wanted.

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A lot of people have been saying that: cut him off completely. I know I'm oblivious and that' why I'm asking this:

As far as cutting him off as a friend, is it because you think his qualities would make him incapable of doing that without some type of instant gratification?[/
Ask yourself these questions:

1 Do you want to be friends with a “Womanizer”?

2 Do you want to be friends with a person that gets drunk on weekends?

3 If he could not remain friends with the 3 women that he knocked up do you think that he will really be your friend?

4 Do you want to be friends of a person that talks the talk but does not walk the walk?



Are you sacrificing the wisdom of the Bible for your own agenda?

I find it hard to believe that you are confused about Reynold. You have articulated the main character of Reynold in your posts. Why do you have to ask us about Reynold? I am wondering if you really want advice about Renold or is there some other agenda you are after? The reason that I ask is because it is very plain to most posters on here that Reynold is a loser. Why do you not see that?

You say that you like to talk about spirituality with Reynold. [B]Do you find it somewhat contradictory that you like to talk to a man that is a womanizer, a drunk, has knocked up three different women and is mostly talk with no action?[/B

What are your motives?

Last edited by Mr Blunt; 12-30-2013 at 09:35 AM.
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post #20 of 41 (permalink) Old 12-30-2013, 01:27 AM
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Re: God May Be Leading Me To Marry This Man, But He's Not What I Expected Or Wanted.

The more I read, the more I see that he is testing your boundaries for his advantage. My suggestion is to take a pass on this guy...then go out and redefine yourself and your life.

If you have a deep need to be in the ministry then go out and do it...as you don't need to be married to do that...and even Paul says that he finds single life far more suitable for the ministry...but if you do get married...then make sure you and your partner are lock-step in accord in the same mindset. I don't wanna say bad and judgmental things about this guy, but I fail to see a relationship in this that would be "equally yoked", since he is privy to lifestyle that you aren't cool with...not to mention being inundated with his baggage and history (not to mention drama)...I see that being a hindrance in your pursuits rather then a help.

It's funny how God speaks...sometimes it's clear, sometimes it's muddled...and many times we confuse our voice with His voice. It is always good to practice that under the guidance of someone more knowledgeable and experienced...someone who can help discern. I think this guy pushed a button that he knew would strike a chord with you...wanting to serve God with a partner...but then he brings up this odd line about sex...which creates this awkward pressure. I believe if you create some distance with this man, I think you will probably feel an overall sense of relief and your head should clear up. Which to me highlights something problematic...which is that you need to make sure that you start to develop some palpable boundaries surrounding who you are. Boundaries by Henry Cloud is a good book. Start developing with God your identity (likes, dislikes, dreams, aspirations) and get emboldened with those things that you know have sprung forth from you own soul and in conversations with God...so that when people cross your path and test those boundaries...that you will have a solid framework of what directs your yes/no.
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post #21 of 41 (permalink) Old 12-30-2013, 07:57 AM
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Re: God May Be Leading Me To Marry This Man, But He's Not What I Expected Or Wanted.

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Originally Posted by RitaRee View Post
I just know that he's talking to a certain woman right now. He told me they had a fwb relationship...And he has described himself as a player.
3 children by 3 DIFFERENT women!?!
  • And he's currently banging a FWB
  • And he drinks DAILY
  • And he smokes
  • And he's a self-admitted womanizer & player
Now I am NOT religious, (I believe in God, but not religion) but simple logic tells me that if God was going to speak to Reynold, it would be to bytch-slap him about his ridiculous lifestyle, his hypocrisy in "talking" God and "walking" in shadow; it would be to tell Reynold to straighten up before God smites him. It would NOT be to tell Reynold 'go ahead and muck up a faithful believer's life'!

...see what I'm sayin?

Reynold is a LIAR. He's running a 'line' on you. He knows you're religious, so he runs a 'God spoke to me' line on you. It would be interesting to know what 'line' he ran on each of his baby mamas! (Oh, you're a singer?!? Unbelievable, I'm getting in the music business...just starting up my own record label! Oh, you wanna model? Hey, baby, I am just starting my own photography business! I can do your portfolio; we can submit some shots and then we can both get into the business.) See what I mean? He didn't get THREE (3) baby mamas by going to church regularly and doing God's will, did he?

Dump this loser/user. You DON'T need "friends" like this (some drunken day he'll go too far!). Drop your other friends if they're friends of Reynold's. You need a new RELIGIOUS circle of friends. They're out there; you'll find them. You'll know them when you find them. And they will have been worth the wait!

PS: You've only known Reynold & his friends for 6 weeks...they're not FRIENDS, they're acquaintances.

*hugs* to you and best wishes on expanding into a new circle of WORTHY friends for yourself in 2014!

Last edited by SlowlyGettingWiser; 12-30-2013 at 08:03 AM.
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post #22 of 41 (permalink) Old 12-30-2013, 08:07 AM
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Re: God May Be Leading Me To Marry This Man, But He's Not What I Expected Or Wanted.

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Originally Posted by norajane View Post
Between his three sets of children, the drinking and partying, and the womanizing...
Other than for his boozing, are you absolutely sure that he may not be sympathetic to one of those far out Mormon sects? Sure sounds like it!

Personally, I'd avoid him like the plague!

"To love another person is to see the face of God!" - Jean Valjean from Les Miserables

My Story! http://talkaboutmarriage.com/going-t...andonment.html
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post #23 of 41 (permalink) Old 12-30-2013, 08:15 AM
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Re: God May Be Leading Me To Marry This Man, But He's Not What I Expected Or Wanted.

I'm not religious, but I do talk to God alot through prayer and meditation.

And in 40 odd years He has never once openly spoken to me, nor have I had a vision.

Lady, this boyfriend of yours is a snake oil salesman. Tell him to get back on his barrel wagon and take his gypsy dog and pony show down the road.
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post #24 of 41 (permalink) Old 12-30-2013, 08:25 AM
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Re: God May Be Leading Me To Marry This Man, But He's Not What I Expected Or Wanted.

Run don't walk, away from this player.
I have heard from God once or twice and he never told me to have sex with a particular woman.
This Guy is bad news.
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post #25 of 41 (permalink) Old 12-30-2013, 09:47 AM
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Re: God May Be Leading Me To Marry This Man, But He's Not What I Expected Or Wanted.

Quote:
Quote by SlowingGettingWiser ( SGW)
3 children by 3 DIFFERENT women!?!
• And he's currently banging a FWB
• And he drinks DAILY
• And he smokes
• And he's a self-admitted womanizer & player
Now I am NOT religious, (I believe in God, but not religion) but simple logic tells me that if God was going to speak to Reynold, it would be to bytch-slap him about his ridiculous lifestyle, his hypocrisy in "talking" God and "walking" in shadow; it would be to tell Reynold to straighten up before God smites him. It would NOT be to tell Reynold 'go ahead and muck up a faithful believer's life'!

...see what I'm sayin?

Reynold is a LIAR. He's running a 'line' on you.

Dump this loser/user.
I thought that I was BLUNT but SGW lets everyone know exactly how she sees this fiasco!

Love it SGW!!


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post #26 of 41 (permalink) Old 12-30-2013, 11:00 AM
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Re: God May Be Leading Me To Marry This Man, But He's Not What I Expected Or Wanted.

Your buddy has some serious mental health issues. You mentioned being on a base. I'd steer clear of him and do damage control to CYA. Assume you are working on the base, either as a civilian or military.
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post #27 of 41 (permalink) Old 12-30-2013, 11:41 AM
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Re: God May Be Leading Me To Marry This Man, But He's Not What I Expected Or Wanted.

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Originally Posted by RitaRee View Post
I met Reynold* six weeks ago. ...About a month later, ...He told me he had a vision of me and him,... getting married,....

Later on, I prayed. And I heard the same answer. God even shared the ministry we'd have together... God also said that we'd have two different ministries ...

Still, I'm EXTREMELY HESISTANT about Reynold:

1) He's described himself as a womanizer before, and told me that he likes to chase women.

2) He smokes. I dont.

3) He drinks...a LOT. Everyday to every other day, he drinks. And he likes to get drunk on weekends. I do worry that he may be a problem drinker because he doesnt go long without some type of drink. Im the opposite: I drink seldomly.

4) He has 3 kids by 3 different women, but he is supporting each like he should.

5)He's divorced. (This isnt to jar at anyone who's divorced; I just imagined the person I end up marrying being a noob like me, so to speak).

6) I'm not physically attracted to him.
He's not ugly; he's just... not what I usually look at. I know the physical is NOT #1, but I do think it's important.

...I've actually asked God WHY Reynold, and He said "He will help you complete your purpose."


If this is NOT from God, I'll happily accept it. But, for whatever reason, I feel it is, which is ODD. Please, someone offer me advice. I feel very topsy-turvy on this issue. God says He's not a God of confusion, but I feel very confused about this.
If you're honestly having auditory hallucinations and delusions like this, where "God" is telling you to marry someone who is so obviously wrong for you, you should be extremely concerned. IMO, you should consider speaking with a psychologist.

Don't you find it peculiar how it was only after the guy told you about his "vision", that "God" started talking to you about it?

First thing I would do is remove this person from my life. The manipulating, womanizing, drunkard baby-daddy seems to be able to convince you of strange things very easily. And even though you believe that "God" backed up his statements, it all fell apart in days...doesn't that make you think that just MAYBE you weren't actually talking to "God"?

Don't let this guy try and brainwash you, and don't think the voice in you head is God...it's just you talking to yourself, no different than when you talk to yourself out loud.
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post #28 of 41 (permalink) Old 12-30-2013, 02:04 PM
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Re: God May Be Leading Me To Marry This Man, But He's Not What I Expected Or Wanted.

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Originally Posted by tulsy View Post
Don't let this guy try and brainwash you, and don't think the voice in you head is God...it's just you talking to yourself, no different than when you talk to yourself out loud.
I dunno, I have visions in my dreams all the time. They normally point me in the right direction. There is a different feeling about these dreams.

Some of them are pretty specific.

One of them is that I will die when I am 33. I know where I will be, the cause, and what I will look like.

I turn 33 in six months, and it doesn't worry me. I just wonder what will come after, if anything.
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post #29 of 41 (permalink) Old 12-30-2013, 03:02 PM
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Re: God May Be Leading Me To Marry This Man, But He's Not What I Expected Or Wanted.

People think when someone says God spoke to them, that means there was a voice from the heavens, deep, authoritative, booming. Not. Look for the feeling of peace within you. If God has spoken, you will find peace within yourself. That's where God is speaking to you. Not to your ears, not necessarily in a dream, and not so others can hear it.

You sound a little weak and naive, to be blunt. You are letting yourself be manipulated, not only by Reynold, but I think Kevin, too. I feel kevin sees your weakness being exploited by Reynold, and is working his own angle to show you he's not that way. But it smells like a ploy.

To help you with this, I think the suggestion of speaking to elders, people you respect and can trust, is a good way for you to find a path to better understanding of yourself, and your relationship with God.
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post #30 of 41 (permalink) Old 12-30-2013, 06:47 PM
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Re: God May Be Leading Me To Marry This Man, But He's Not What I Expected Or Wanted.

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Originally Posted by Sandfly View Post
I dunno, I have visions in my dreams all the time. They normally point me in the right direction. There is a different feeling about these dreams.

Some of them are pretty specific.

One of them is that I will die when I am 33. I know where I will be, the cause, and what I will look like.

I turn 33 in six months, and it doesn't worry me. I just wonder what will come after, if anything.
Regardless, you should try thinking for a change that you will have to live with your decisions for a very long time. I honestly think that you could do with a visit to a psychiatrist. Being a recluse may not give you much opportunity for building relational skills, also does not give you much of an opportunity to test your beliefs against day to day life. Maybe your thinking and beliefs and visions are not quite right. But if you keep to yourself and don't talk to anyone, how will you ever know? Only a complete despot, a recluse or a person with psychiatric issues has the "privilege" of thinking their beliefs could be real, the rest of us test them out on a daily basis.
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