God May Be Leading Me To Marry This Man, But He's Not What I Expected Or Wanted. HELP - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 41 (permalink) Old 12-29-2013, 03:52 AM Thread Starter
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God May Be Leading Me To Marry This Man, But He's Not What I Expected Or Wanted. HELP

I met Reynold* six weeks ago. We talked. It was nice. Soon thereafter, he told me that he enjoyed our conversation and that he liked me a lot. We kept talking.

About a month later, we were watching tv when suddenly his eyes widened and his skin got very pale, like he'd had seen a ghost! He told me he had a vision of me and him, but kept it very vague. After 1 week of me asking about it, he finally told me that God had given him a vision of us getting married, and that it scared him.


Later on, I prayed. And I heard the same answer. God even shared the ministry we'd have together(the type of ministry itself still surprises me as it doesnt seem like something I'm gifted for or would want to do...but if it's God, it'll happen). God also said that we'd have two different ministries that would help and support each other.

Still, I'm EXTREMELY HESISTANT about Reynold:

1) He's described himself as a womanizer before, and told me that he likes to chase women.

2) He smokes. I dont.

3) He drinks...a LOT. Everyday to every other day, he drinks. And he likes to get drunk on weekends. I do worry that he may be a problem drinker because he doesnt go long without some type of drink. Im the opposite: I drink seldomly.

4) He has 3 kids by 3 different women, but he is supporting each like he should.

5)He's divorced. (This isnt to jar at anyone who's divorced; I just imagined the person I end up marrying being a noob like me, so to speak).

6) I'm not physically attracted to him.
He's not ugly; he's just... not what I usually look at. I know the physical is NOT #1, but I do think it's important.

I've asked God to match me with someone who I am physically attracted to, in marriage. So I do find it odd, that if this IS from Him, that He'd do this. I've actually asked God WHY Reynold, and He said "He will help you complete your purpose."


If this is NOT from God, I'll happily accept it. But, for whatever reason, I feel it is, which is ODD. Please, someone offer me advice. I feel very topsy-turvy on this issue. God says He's not a God of confusion, but I feel very confused about this.

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post #2 of 41 (permalink) Old 12-29-2013, 04:30 AM
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Re: God May Be Leading Me To Marry This Man, But He's Not What I Expected Or Wanted.

Are you serious God spoke to you?

I usually get a out of network coverage error when I call him.
But the devil is always by my side.

A sealed heart is the greatest penalty anyone incurs.
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post #3 of 41 (permalink) Old 12-29-2013, 05:04 AM
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Re: God May Be Leading Me To Marry This Man, But He's Not What I Expected Or Wanted.

I had the same vision. Raymond is a fraud. It wasn't him he saw in the marriage vision, it was me and you.

Do you have any property?

Are you for or against submissiveness in marriage?

Also, I command you to post a picture of yourself.

That is all.
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post #4 of 41 (permalink) Old 12-29-2013, 11:29 AM
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Re: God May Be Leading Me To Marry This Man, But He's Not What I Expected Or Wanted.

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Originally Posted by RitaRee View Post
I met Reynold* six weeks ago. We talked. It was nice. Soon thereafter, he told me that he enjoyed our conversation and that he liked me a lot. We kept talking.

About a month later, we were watching tv when suddenly his eyes widened and his skin got very pale, like he'd had seen a ghost! He told me he had a vision of me and him, but kept it very vague. After 1 week of me asking about it, he finally told me that God had given him a vision of us getting married, and that it scared him.


Later on, I prayed. And I heard the same answer. God even shared the ministry we'd have together(the type of ministry itself still surprises me as it doesnt seem like something I'm gifted for or would want to do...but if it's God, it'll happen). God also said that we'd have two different ministries that would help and support each other.

Still, I'm EXTREMELY HESISTANT about Reynold:

1) He's described himself as a womanizer before, and told me that he likes to chase women.

2) He smokes. I dont.

3) He drinks...a LOT. Everyday to every other day, he drinks. And he likes to get drunk on weekends. I do worry that he may be a problem drinker because he doesnt go long without some type of drink. Im the opposite: I drink seldomly.

4) He has 3 kids by 3 different women, but he is supporting each like he should.

5)He's divorced. (This isnt to jar at anyone who's divorced; I just imagined the person I end up marrying being a noob like me, so to speak).

6) I'm not physically attracted to him.
He's not ugly; he's just... not what I usually look at. I know the physical is NOT #1, but I do think it's important.

I've asked God to match me with someone who I am physically attracted to, in marriage. So I do find it odd, that if this IS from Him, that He'd do this. I've actually asked God WHY Reynold, and He said "He will help you complete your purpose."


If this is NOT from God, I'll happily accept it. But, for whatever reason, I feel it is, which is ODD. Please, someone offer me advice. I feel very topsy-turvy on this issue. God says He's not a God of confusion, but I feel very confused about this.
It sounds like you are not peace with this...every decision that I felt like God had His hand in...I felt completely at peace about. Yeah, don't let this guy's intensity draw you in like a tractor beam...whether you feel like his assessment is accurate or not...because He has some flaws that you DO NOT want to sweep under the rug for God's "greater purpose." So even though at this stage you feel that God may have destined you together...and you decide to proceed...proceed in maturity, no blinders on. Confront the issues that bother you. Demand some sort of pre-marital counseling to your satisfaction...before some sort of betrothal is arranged...DON'T RUSH THIS because of a desperation to be in God's perfect will for your life. Expect very clear and specific family goals...about money, kids, and retirement. Have very clear goals and strategies regarding ministry. These things need to be set in stone before proceeding, before rings are bought...then I suggest lots of alone time between just you and God before you make a final decision...because God gives us a choice. And I think it's great that you want to put Him first in your life...and hopefully the guy does too, but we are still human, we are still prone to folly and bad habits...and that must be rooted out aggressively...or else all that you imagine and believe for will be torn asunder.
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post #5 of 41 (permalink) Old 12-29-2013, 11:49 AM Thread Starter
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Re: God May Be Leading Me To Marry This Man, But He's Not What I Expected Or Wanted.

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It sounds like you are not peace with this...every decision that I felt like God had His hand in...I felt completely at peace about. Yeah, don't let this guy's intensity draw you in like a tractor beam...whether you feel like his assessment is accurate or not...because He has some flaws that you DO NOT want to sweep under the rug for God's "greater purpose." So even though at this stage you feel that God may have destined you together...and you decide to proceed...proceed in maturity, no blinders on. Confront the issues that bother you. Demand some sort of pre-marital counseling to your satisfaction...before some sort of betrothal is arranged...DON'T RUSH THIS because of a desperation to be in God's perfect will for your life. Expect very clear and specific family goals...about money, kids, and retirement. Have very clear goals and strategies regarding ministry. These things need to be set in stone before proceeding, before rings are bought...then I suggest lots of alone time between just you and God before you make a final decision...because God gives us a choice. And I think it's great that you want to put Him first in your life...and hopefully the guy does too, but we are still human, we are still prone to folly and bad habits...and that must be rooted out aggressively...or else all that you imagine and believe for will be torn asunder.
I agree.
Last night, I asked God to take out all romantic feelings I have for Reynold.

Today, I believe He's on route to answering that: Reynold called saying that "since he can't do affection without sex, then we'll have to be friends." He's said similar things before, but this time he sounds legit; sincere.

In fact, I've said this before to him, but I guess it takes time to absorb?

I'm interested to see how things turn out in the future, as THIS path of real friendship, is what gives me God-directed peace. Not the big fat bowl of wth-soup we were in before.
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post #6 of 41 (permalink) Old 12-29-2013, 12:53 PM
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Re: God May Be Leading Me To Marry This Man, But He's Not What I Expected Or Wanted.

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Originally Posted by RitaRee View Post
Still, I'm EXTREMELY HESISTANT about Reynold:

1) He's described himself as a womanizer before, and told me that he likes to chase women.

2) He smokes. I dont.

3) He drinks...a LOT. Everyday to every other day, he drinks. And he likes to get drunk on weekends. I do worry that he may be a problem drinker because he doesnt go long without some type of drink. Im the opposite: I drink seldomly.

4) He has 3 kids by 3 different women, but he is supporting each like he should.

5)He's divorced. (This isnt to jar at anyone who's divorced; I just imagined the person I end up marrying being a noob like me, so to speak).

6) I'm not physically attracted to him.
He's not ugly; he's just... not what I usually look at. I know the physical is NOT #1, but I do think it's important.
I don't know what kind of God you pray to, but marrying someone who is completely incompatible with you is just setting yourself up for a divorce.

Don't be so silly as to ignore every single red flag you've noted.

As far as your bf having a vision or being spoken to by God about marrying you...I'm pretty sure he's just trying to get in your pants and waving the marriage word around to convince you it's the right thing to do.
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post #7 of 41 (permalink) Old 12-29-2013, 01:09 PM
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Re: God May Be Leading Me To Marry This Man, But He's Not What I Expected Or Wanted.

In my experience, discernment (from God or the Universe, etc.) leaves you with an absolute feeling of clarity, and all of the pieces of the puzzle fit together.

You seem extremely susceptible to suggestion and "enlightenment" and my discernment tells me that because of these you are being preyed (not meant to be a play on words, but...) upon.

IF God means for you to be "matched" with this guy, it's so that you can have the satisfaction of having asked for advice, running a background check on him, cutting him off from whatever it is you've been giving him, investigating his past, and letting him follow you around like a puppy dog for an entire year doing anything and everything to show you he's worthy of your attention for the rest of your lives...including footing his own bills in his own place, and foregoing sex, alcohol and smoking so that living together until the end of your life (may come sooner than you think if you partner up with this guy) will not be a burden to you.

This guy saw that you are a deeply religious believer and he is a pro at playing people like you. Don't buy into it. Do you honestly think God would want you to be with someone you were never attracted to? Don't be HIS miracle when you're looking for one yourself. There's a huge difference. You would be manna from heaven for him...and him for you, imagine stepping out of bed into a pile of sh*t every day.
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post #8 of 41 (permalink) Old 12-29-2013, 01:11 PM
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Re: God May Be Leading Me To Marry This Man, But He's Not What I Expected Or Wanted.

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I don't know what kind of God you pray to, but marrying someone who is completely incompatible with you is just setting yourself up for a divorce.

Don't be so silly as to ignore every single red flag you've noted.

As far as your bf having a vision or being spoken to by God about marrying you...I'm pretty sure he's just trying to get in your pants and waving the marriage word around to convince you it's the right thing to do.


You (OP) sound vulnerable and a wee bit gullible. Even in a good person like myself, this sort of thing is a temptation difficult to resist.

Last edited by Sandfly; 12-29-2013 at 01:34 PM.
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post #9 of 41 (permalink) Old 12-29-2013, 04:31 PM
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Re: God May Be Leading Me To Marry This Man, But He's Not What I Expected Or Wanted.

If God is speaking to a former Womanizer who is still chasing tail (what happened to being Born Again).....add some chain smoking.... Boozing daily - to the point of being plastered every weekend....(damn where are those fruits of the spirit - some self control - taking care of the flesh)... who impregnated 3 former women (well at least he pays for them).. love to hear what he does for a living! ...

And now visions of Purpose...weeks after you meet (you can add smoking some crack, weed, Lsd on that list too)......

I am having a difficult time taking anything serious on this thread...

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post #10 of 41 (permalink) Old 12-29-2013, 09:24 PM Thread Starter
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Re: God May Be Leading Me To Marry This Man, But He's Not What I Expected Or Wanted.

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I don't know what kind of God you pray to, but marrying someone who is completely incompatible with you is just setting yourself up for a divorce.

Don't be so silly as to ignore every single red flag you've noted.

As far as your bf having a vision or being spoken to by God about marrying you...I'm pretty sure he's just trying to get in your pants and waving the marriage word around to convince you it's the right thing to do.
He's not my boyfriend. Rather, we're just friends who've had romantic tendencies, until our phone conversation last night, about finally being "just friends" for real this time. But again, we'll see how that pans out. I earnestly hope this is sincere. I'd like to keep him as a friend, but I've heard so much advice to cut him off, that I'm giving thought to those reasonings as well.

I'd HATE to think he'd use the name of God to do that. I know that some people do. It'd really bother me that for someone who says that they want to do work in the name of the Lord, that they would use His name for something they know He wouldnt want. Again, I know it happens.


Again, I'm not jumping to marry the guy. I was just open to the fact of possibility because I know people where something similar has happened to them, over the course of time. Of course, much more time than what I have with this guy.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Homemaker_Numero_Uno View Post
In my experience, discernment (from God or the Universe, etc.) leaves you with an absolute feeling of clarity, and all of the pieces of the puzzle fit together.

You seem extremely susceptible to suggestion and "enlightenment" and my discernment tells me that because of these you are being preyed (not meant to be a play on words, but...) upon.

IF God means for you to be "matched" with this guy, it's so that you can have the satisfaction of having asked for advice, running a background check on him, cutting him off from whatever it is you've been giving him, investigating his past, and letting him follow you around like a puppy dog for an entire year doing anything and everything to show you he's worthy of your attention for the rest of your lives...including footing his own bills in his own place, and foregoing sex, alcohol and smoking so that living together until the end of your life (may come sooner than you think if you partner up with this guy) will not be a burden to you.

This guy saw that you are a deeply religious believer and he is a pro at playing people like you. Don't buy into it. Do you honestly think God would want you to be with someone you were never attracted to? Don't be HIS miracle when you're looking for one yourself. There's a huge difference. You would be manna from heaven for him...and him for you, imagine stepping out of bed into a pile of sh*t every day.
You're right. Thank you.

[QUOTE=Sandfly;6280065]


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If God is speaking to a former Womanizer who is still chasing tail (what happened to being Born Again).....add some chain smoking.... Boozing daily - to the point of being plastered every weekend....(damn where are those fruits of the spirit - some self control - taking care of the flesh)... who impregnated 3 former women (well at least he pays for them).. love to hear what he does for a living! ...

And now visions of Purpose...weeks after you meet (you can add smoking some crack, weed, Lsd on that list too)......

I am having a difficult time taking anything serious on this thread...

I'm not sure to the extent of what his chase is right now. I just know that he's talking to a certain woman right now. He told me they had a fwb relationship. But, knowing what I know about him, he could just be saying that, while acting more substantial with her, while he's actually with her. He could be complaining that she's "too clingy" and "thinks sex with him forms a relationship" while, with her, giving her the reasons to believe those things. Two sided. Players do that. And he has described himself as a player. I hate players. But, since we both have spiritual interests, I wanted to believe the best about him. I still want to believe the best about him. It's just disheartening to know that he probably won't change because he likes his behaviors so much

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post #11 of 41 (permalink) Old 12-29-2013, 10:18 PM
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Re: God May Be Leading Me To Marry This Man, But He's Not What I Expected Or Wanted.

Oh mannnnnn!
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post #12 of 41 (permalink) Old 12-29-2013, 10:33 PM
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Re: God May Be Leading Me To Marry This Man, But He's Not What I Expected Or Wanted.

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It's just disheartening to know that he probably won't change because he likes his behaviors so much
What you described is a man that is purposely violating Godís instructions for pleasing Him. God is not going to use a man for His purpose that is sinning against Him. IMO


This man is very mixed up or a player or both. I would suggest that you not even be friends with him and cut him off NOW!!

If you ignore the advice on this forum and play with fire you are going to get burnt and it could be permanent burns.

RUN FOREST RUN!!!



Quote:
1) He's described himself as a womanizer before, and told me that he likes to chase women.

2) He smokes. I dont.

3) He drinks...a LOT. Everyday to every other day, he drinks. And he likes to get drunk on weekends. I do worry that he may be a problem drinker because he doesnt go long without some type of drink. Im the opposite: I drink seldomly.

4) He has 3 kids by 3 different women, but he is supporting each like he should.

5)He's divorced. (This isnt to jar at anyone who's divorced; I just imagined the person I end up marrying being a noob like me, so to speak).

I have seen women foolish enough to get involved with men like this and now they just cry and moan how their life is ruined. It is too late for them because the time to avoid that wretched life was when they were in your shoes and could decide to get involved or not. You will live with your choices
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post #13 of 41 (permalink) Old 12-29-2013, 10:52 PM Thread Starter
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Re: God May Be Leading Me To Marry This Man, But He's Not What I Expected Or Wanted.

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What you described is a man that is purposely violating God’s instructions for pleasing Him. God is not going to use a man for His purpose that is sinning against Him. IMO


This man is very mixed up or a player or both. I would suggest that you not even be friends with him and cut him off NOW!!

If you ignore the advice on this forum and play with fire you are going to get burnt and it could be permanent burns.

RUN FOREST RUN!!!
A lot of people have been saying that: cut him off completely. I know I'm oblivious and that' why I'm asking this:

As far as cutting him off as a friend, is it because you think his qualities would make him incapable of doing that without some type of instant gratification?[/quote]
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post #14 of 41 (permalink) Old 12-29-2013, 11:05 PM
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Re: God May Be Leading Me To Marry This Man, But He's Not What I Expected Or Wanted.

Between his three sets of children, the drinking and partying, and the womanizing, when exactly would he find time to be an actual friend to you? What does he contribute to a friendship with you?

Do you have other friends?
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post #15 of 41 (permalink) Old 12-29-2013, 11:21 PM Thread Starter
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Re: God May Be Leading Me To Marry This Man, But He's Not What I Expected Or Wanted.

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Between his three sets of children, the drinking and partying, and the womanizing, when exactly would he find time to be an actual friend to you? What does he contribute to a friendship with you?

Do you have other friends?
Norajane, you ask a wonderful question. And it's actually one that I've been thinking on for a while. Particularly since I've started talking to another guy, who's actually been a positive influence on me and encourages me improve. In comparison, although Reynold likes to talk about spirituality, which I do love, I dont feel we have much in common because we're so opposite: the smoking, drinking, and questionable behaviors....

When do he have time to be an actual friend? Hmm, we'd hang out after work, and sometimes he'd buy me lunch. Some weekends we would hangout and talk. We both live on base overseas. His kids and baby mamas live back in the States. That's how.

What does he contribute? Like I've said, I've been asking that. Aside from good conversation and an occassional free meal, ...not much sadly.

On the other hand though, I do felt more negative around him:
-I felt more insecure...because I've caught him lying about a particular woman, when he didnt have to say anything at all. Not just once have I caught him lying about her either...

-More unsure because I want boundaries, and he seems to be very open; too open at times.

To his defense, we did talk last night, and he said that "since he can't do affection without sex that we must be just friends." He sounded sincere. ...But maybe it's an act. Maybe it'll just be a matter of time before he becomes sexually ambiguous with boundaries and pressures me about mine. Time will tell....particularly if he starts having issues with the other girl he's seeing.

At any rate though, I'm tired of caring about his whereabouts. I really want to arrive of the place of non-care about him, again.

As far as friends, I keep few real friends. Partially, by choice. I'd rather have a deep relationship with a small group, than a shallow one with many. Besides him, the "friends" I have are mostly tied to Reynold, which may not be good. As far as my "own" friends, Im currently speaking to one guy, Kevin*. But it's more romantic in nature. In fact, he's the one who I said is very positive and got me to compare how beneficial, or rather non-beneficial, interacting with Reynold has been on me mentally. Kevin's very uplifting and encouraging. I'm not saying Reynold is not. But with Reynold he likes to talk about doing good, rather than actually doing it. Kevin talks AND does good.

Besides Kevin, I dont really have close friends. In fact, that's one of my issues personally. I'm a recluse.

Last edited by RitaRee; 12-29-2013 at 11:27 PM.
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