Between his three sets of children, the drinking and partying, and the womanizing, when exactly would he find time to be an actual friend to you? What does he contribute to a friendship with you?
Do you have other friends?
Norajane, you ask a wonderful question. And it's actually one that I've been thinking on for a while. Particularly since I've started talking to another guy, who's actually been a positive influence on me and encourages me improve. In comparison, although Reynold likes to talk about spirituality, which I do love, I dont feel we have much in common because we're so opposite: the smoking, drinking, and questionable behaviors....
When do he have time to be an actual friend? Hmm, we'd hang out after work, and sometimes he'd buy me lunch. Some weekends we would hangout and talk. We both live on base overseas. His kids and baby mamas live back in the States. That's how.
What does he contribute? Like I've said, I've been asking that. Aside from good conversation and an occassional free meal, ...not much sadly.
On the other hand though, I do felt more negative around him:
-I felt more insecure...because I've caught him lying about a particular woman, when he didnt have to say anything at all. Not just once have I caught him lying about her either...
-More unsure because I want boundaries, and he seems to be very open; too open at times.
To his defense, we did talk last night, and he said that "since he can't do affection without sex that we must be just friends." He sounded sincere. ...But maybe it's an act. Maybe it'll just be a matter of time before he becomes sexually ambiguous with boundaries and pressures me about mine. Time will tell....particularly if he starts having issues with the other girl he's seeing.
At any rate though, I'm tired of caring about his whereabouts. I really want to arrive of the place of non-care about him, again.
As far as friends, I keep few real friends. Partially, by choice. I'd rather have a deep relationship with a small group, than a shallow one with many. Besides him, the "friends" I have are mostly tied to Reynold, which may not be good. As far as my "own" friends, Im currently speaking to one guy, Kevin*. But it's more romantic in nature. In fact, he's the one who I said is very positive and got me to compare how beneficial, or rather non-beneficial, interacting with Reynold has been on me mentally. Kevin's very uplifting and encouraging. I'm not saying Reynold is not. But with Reynold he likes to talk about doing good, rather than actually doing it. Kevin talks AND does good.
Besides Kevin, I dont really have close friends. In fact, that's one of my issues personally. I'm a recluse.